Typing Typhoon's Ultimate Catastrophe Survival Guide

Hello world, I'm Typing Typhoon. Has your dog ever gotten stuck in a food processor? Have you even been attacked by an Elvis impersonator? Have you ever put off your homework until the last minute and are now filled up with that horrible feeling of dread that cries out "HA HA! You're so screwed!"?

Well, this guide is the answer to all those problems! This E-book is designed to guide you through your life in the easiest, most convenient, way possible!

Let me introduce you my professional staff! This is my professional dunce, Bob.

Bob: "Pro-Wrestling is fake? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He's the one doing all of the dangerous stunts in this guide that I don't feel like doing!

This is my professional bad influence, Ted, the arsonist!

Ted: "Yeah. Whatever…"

And this is meh not too professional good influence, Fred, the janitor!

Fred: "Uh… Don't mind me, jus' cleanin' up…"

With our superior life skills we're going to guide you through the most mind-numbing, awkward, spleen consuming, situations that life can throw at you!

Disclaimer: Typing Typhoon is not responsible for any injures, catastrophes, or erm, complete and utter carnage that come from the influence of this guide. Typing Typhoon is also not responsible for any damages done to, or by cows. He also, also, not responsible for any unsatisfactory results from people who use this guide. He also, also, also, is not to held responsible for any bad grammar littered throughout the remainder this book, that is the editor's (Bob's) responsibility.

Author's note: Okay people, you've now met with your new acquaintances, it's time to get down to business. Submit your questions, ideas, and hopefully food, to Ty-Life corp. The delivery service consists of the review box down below. Any situations containing rated M content shall be ignored by the author. Once the reviews reach his inbox the winning idea shall be decided unanimously. (By coin toss.)

The votes will be tallied the day the story is moved back to 2nd page so submit your reviews quickly peoples!

Sorta' Sincerely,

Typing Typhoon.