Angel The Tomboy
Mr. Buffoonish married a young woman and
the young woman only married Mr. Buffoonish for his many riches. The young woman's name was Harri.
Mr. Buffoonish was a 67 year old man, while Harri was only 32. Harri was that kind of woman who was looking for a guy who would spoil her silly, and Mr. Buffoonish was willing to buy a young girl 5,000 dollars worth of shoes just if she married him.
When Mr. Buffoonish turned 70 and Harri was 35, Harri woke up one day and yelled very loudly at Mr. Buffoonish.
"I want to have a baby girl!"
So Mr. Buffoonish and Harri tried to have a baby.
When Harri was delivering her baby the doctor proudly proclaimed. "Congratulations Mrs. Buffoonish! It's a BAAAAAAAAAAAABY BOOOOOOOOOOOY!"
And Harri got so mad she didn't even give that baby a good name. She named him Smells.
When Smells was only seven days old Harri wanted to try again.
"Aren't you even the slightest bit tired?" Mr. Buffoonish asked.
"Shut up and get me pregnant before I hit menopause!" Harri yelled in reply.
Then when Harri was delivering her baby the doctor happily proclaimed. "Congratulations Mrs. Buffoonish! It's a BAAAAAAAAAAAABY BOOOOOOOOOOOY!"
And Harri got so mad she didn't even say anything at first. Then she named the baby boy Like.
When Smells turned one and Like was four days old Harri wanted to try AGAIN.
Mr. Buffoonish never even said anything. He just walked into the bedroom.
When Harri was being wheeled into the hospital the doctor said. "Weren't you here exactly nine months and four days ago?"
Harri didn't respond.
When Harri was delivering the doctor said. (He was tired of proclaiming) "It's a baby boy."
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! ALL I EVER WANTED WAS A BABY GIRL AND THAT CRUSTY OLD FART CAN'T EVEN GIVE THAT TO ME????" Harri yelled. Harri looked at her baby boy and decided to name him Feet.
She chuckled at the absurd names of her children. Smells, Like, Feet.
"When I get home from the hospital, we have to try again." She whispered to Mr. Buffoonish who smiled. He didn't really mind trying again.
"Ah, ah, ah, Mrs. Buffoonish, you're going to need a break, if you have one more child, the second that kid is born I'm tying your tubes. AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT HAVING ANOTHER BABY!" The doctor yelled.
When Smells was two, Like was one and Feet was five days old, Harri tried again. Nine months later Harri was being wheeled into the hospital. The doctor began cursing under his breath.
When Harri was finished delivering the doctor threw and UN-IDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECT to her. "Take it!"
Harri un-wrapped the baby and there smiling up at her was her sweet little baby girl. And she named her Angel.
When Smells was 6, Like was 5, Feet was 4, and Angel was 3, Mr. Buffoonish passed away leaving Harri with her money and that was all she was happy for. She didn't even want her children anymore. Angel, her pride and joy was the worst child she ever had.
Smells, Like and Feet were all very feminine, but sweet little Angel, was a like a beautiful boy. She played in mud, while her brothers had tea parties. She played with dump trucks while her brothers combed their dolls hair. She burped while her brothers used their 4 forks. When Smells was 19, Like was 18, and Feet was 17, and Angel finally turned 16, a cute boy named Fulton asked Angel out.
Angel was so happy! "So where are we going?"
"We're going to go to the fanciest diner in town." Fulton said. He and Angel smiled and held hands as they walked home.
Angel ran home all happy and smiling. "Harri! Harri! Smells! Like! Feet! I'm going on a date! I'm going on a date!" Angel skipped around all happy.
Smells, Like and Feet all rolled their eyes. "You're so late."
"Smells! Like! Feet! We're going to the spa! Leave Angel alone! No one could ever love her tom-boy like ways!" Harri yelled opening the door for her beloved sons. They turned up their noses and followed after her.
The day of the date, Angel was so happy, she put on her prettiest dress and found her most expensive heels. She styled her hair very fashionably and put on her mother's make up.
Angel arrived at the diner and Fulton arrived all shining in his milk white tuxedo. She sat next to Fulton.
"You look dashing." Fulton said.
Angel smiled. "You look super hot." She gushed.
A waitress came. "What would you two like to drink?"
Fulton opened his mouth but Angel beat him to it.
"An extra large root-beer float!" She shouted.
"I'll have a glass of water." Fulton said, looking on at Angel in a weird way.
When Angel noticed she responded. "Oh! You're on a diet?" The bus boy in the back snickered. He continued to wash his cup.
Fulton sighed. "So what are you into?"
The drinks arrived and Angel took a big swig of her root-beer float. "Music!" She burped.
Fulton turned up his nose. He would've gagged if her breath didn't smell like root-beer.
"Ugh, I love root-beer, but root-beer doesn't love my mouth! The inside of my mouth tastes like a garbage can!" Angel remarked.
The bus boy began to laugh out loud.
"Let's order our food." Fulton said in disgust.
The waitress appeared at Fulton's words. "What would you like?"
Fulton opened his mouth but Angel beat him to it.
"Two big burgers, some fries, some ice cream, those cheese sticks and some chips! Dill pickle please!" She said. "Oh, Fulton, order whatever you like."
Fulton sighed. "A Caesar salad please."
When their food arrived Angel dug in. She took a big bite out of her burger, shoved in a few fries, took a swig of root-beer, mixed it up, chewed and swallowed. She shoved a few cheese sticks into her mouth, some dill pickle chips, gagged when she shoved in some more fries and chewed.
Fulton stared at her in disgust as she spilled root-beer all over her dress and got grease all over her dress. "Are you secretly a man?"
Angel laughed, giving Fulton a peep show of her food. "Your fo fuhee!"
Fulton frowned and Angel reached out for his hand. Fulton pulled away spilling Angel's root-beer all over his white suit.
"ANGEL!" He screamed.
"Ohmigosh! I am so sorry!" Angel gushed. Food falling out of her mouth.
"No! Get away from me!" Fulton said straggling out of the booth. He was about to get away when Angel grabbed him.
"No ful-BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP!" She gasped at her belch.
Fulton stormed away leaving the check all up to poor Angel. Angel cried sadly. Harri was right. No one could ever come to lover her anything but lady-like ways!
The bus boy walked up to Angel. "I saw what Fulton did," He said. He slid next to her. "Your burps, your appetite, your manners."
Angel sobbed. "Yeah, they're all boyish and silly and stupid!"
The bus boy smiled. "You're really cool girl. I love the way you act."
Angel raised an eyebrow at him. He stuck a straw into her root-beer float.
Angel calmed herself. "You think I'm-"
"Cool!" He burped.
Angel giggled and took a swig of her root-beer float. "Thanks!" She burped.
"Loser-ton, doesn't know what he's missing." The bus boy said.
Angel smiled at the bus boy.
They took swigs of root-beer romantically and burped words until the night was old, happily until the root-beer ran out.
Scorpio Guru, this is all your fault, after that day on Halloween when you said that your mouth tasted like 'Garbage' after you ate that root-beer lollipop and I wrote that story on that day. Then I was searching around for things I could publish on Fictionpress, I found this.
I was bored and I hope you're happy :P