A/N: There are two versions of this poem. They are very similar until the last stanza or two. The first one was written one day, when I was contemplating about how my friend was cutting herself, but couldn't fathom why someone would go to such lengths. It got mixed in with how I had felt about myself before getting my first ever boyfriend that year, mixed in with how I felt at the time I was writing it; thoughtful, happy, and care-free. The second is different in that I changed it to be a little darker ending when a boy hurt me and made me feel like a fool. That boy inspired me to write about 13 poems of anger, sadness, and hate within a two month period. That's a lot for me. Here is the first version. The changed version will be in the next chapter with the changed part in bold. Enjoy.


My eyes are crying.

The tears are flowing.

And just like clockwork,

My nose, I am blowing.

The tears flow down,

Like blood on my cheek.

I feel them burning,

As my knees go weak.

I hate this feeling,

Of being lonely and sad.

I think, "What's wrong?

Did I do something bad?

Something to deserve,

This horrible feeling,

That has made me feel,

That I'm unappealing.

That nobody wants me,

And nobody cares."

All I get are these

Weird looks and stares.

My blood is flowing.

My heart is beating.

Faster and Faster, as I fear,

That it will burst from this fleeting.

The pain, oh, the pain,

That I feel inside me,

"Why won't it go away

and just leave me be?"

I can't take this anymore.

I can't take this pain.

All this happiness you see,

Is me trying to feign

The feeling that I want to feel,

But cannot seem to find.

Then I realize all this pain I feel,

is just how I feel in my mind,

It is not real,

and it can go away.

It was all just an evil plot,

of my mind's evil play.

I am happy now,

I feel so relieved.

Now where the pain came from,

is still a thought to be conceived.