Red roses engulf my chilling hands, hiding them in crimson waves as I walk to you.

It's been almost a year since I talked to you. The days have flown by me.

I lay them down on your bed, where you slumber eternally.

I wasn't sure if you like roses...Maybe I should've gotten wild flowers instead...

I laugh at the notion. The sound is no longer hollow inside my chest.

It's real. You where just a boy the last time you heard me really laugh.

I kneel to talk to your finally free soul..To tell you things you need to hear.

You need to know that we've learned how to live without you.

I tell you about your younger sister's marriage and second child.

She's beautiful...Looks just like her dad...But she has her mother's eyes.

I tell you about your older sister's new job and happy life.

A law firm...Believe that! They're living high and mighty now!

And of course, myself...You always said that I would be successful.

Accepted to college...First song on it's way to performance...The years passing by...

Yes, the reason that I haven't come to visit you is because of my busy life.

I've moved on...I'm done leaning on your memory as support. Using despair as my crutch.

I've learned to walk on my own in your absence. Learned to seek help from the living.

I've attained the strength, security and courage that I've always wished for.


But....None of this means that I've forgotten you.

I still think of you...Your face still flits through my dreams as I quaver on consciousness.

But now you don't haunt me. You comfort me, help me to move through life.

To help me make sense out of an existence I once wanted to leave.

You've taught me something more than I could have ever learned myself.

You've taught me that what doesn't kill you truly does make you stronger.

In your untimely passing you have given me new reverence for life.

I know that I can survive anything now...It's never bad enough to leave.

You've taught me that there is always someone left behind to grieve for you.

Someone...Who loves you more than life itself.

You've taught me to love...With a fervor that I've never known.

To appreciate family, friends and love beyond what I ever could have without the loss of you.

But most of all you have taught me that God is forgiving.

Hell was not created for someone whose pain seems insufferable.

So even though you ripped my heart, bleeding and beating from my chest...I guess I should thank you.

Thank you for all the lessons that your death taught me.

I would have not learned these lessons if you had stayed with me.


So this is my final goodbye....Thank you...