today I lost my mind, and
the ability, to write, to think,
to feel;

to breathe

I smile. not because I'm happy.
out of irony. I didn't listen.
he's gay. He'll hit it and quit it.
he's using you. He'll break you before
he'll love you. Isn't that what I once said
in one of my pathetic poems?

I take all the promises that I made to him,
crush them in my fist before flinging them
to the side. I make sure they break.
Broken promises.

how ironic. how right. that the girl
who makes sure not to get too close, does
and right after giving him one of her first
he says he's not interested anymore.

he. he. he. he. I'm so sick of that word.
of his name. his voice. his touch. his smile.

I shouldn't have given him that blowjob.