(My dad and me were watching a movie in black and white. I was very young, probably five or six.)
Me: Daddy, when did the world get color?
Me: So Jane, do you wear your glasses when you sleep?
Jane: No, I take them off.
Me: But then aren't you dreams blurry?
Ms. Calhoun: I think video games are cool, because you can change the way you look.
Ms. Calhoun: Oh please, there's nothing you would want to get rid of…or make bigger.
Me: No need.
Class: (stares at me)
Mr. Worthy: Chiefs often lead Indian Tribes
Joey: What about circles?
Mr. Worthy: Circles?
Joey: Yeah circles.
Mr. Worthy: Are you trying to confuse me, Joseph?
Me: Mr. Worthy I can see you playing basketball in the short shorts and an Afro and those knee high socks.
Mr. Worthy: I didn't wear knee high socks, Jackson
Marcus: My dad wore knee high socks.
Me: Well, I see where you get your fashion sense.
William: (at school computer) Damn it, they blocked this site too!
Me: (Looks over to his screen) Dude, that's pornhub.
Joey: Are you Tiffany's bitch?
William: Err. No?
Joey: That's not what you said last night!
(Cory and Johan are hitting each other with rulers)
Steven: Come on guys stop raping each other with rulers! It's not nice.
Tiffany: You don't like rabbits?
Tiffany's Dad: No.
Tiffany: Anyone that doesn't like a rabbit is evil! Rabbits are good for your soul!
Tiffany's Dad: I have no soul.
Me: (walking down the hall) Sometimes I wish I were Asian…
Random Asian Person: (passes by and hears me) Trust me, it's not all that it's cracked up to be.
Justin: Mr. Worthy, Joey took my pencil!
Mr. Worthy: Do I have 'Daddy' stamped on my forehead?
Mr. Worthy: Sometimes when they lynched people, they would put certain body parts in their mouths.
William: Ooh, I saw that once in a video. But she was, white, and a woman…and naked.
Setting: Earth Science Lab
Isabel: Damn, why isn't this getting wet? It's supposed to be moist. You put water on it right?
Me: Yea. Maybe I need to get wetter water.
Mrs. Barlas: (in her southern accent) did you know that?
Acacia: Know what?
Mrs. Barlas: That I wouldn't touch that with a ten-foot pole.
Mrs. Barlas: Okay.
Me: Dad, why don't the eggs we eat have chicks in them.
Dad: Well food eggs aren't fertilized
Me: What does that mean?
Dad: Well, the eggs we eat are part of…the chicken's menstrual cycle.
Me: We're eating the chicken's period?
Dad: Well, yes.
Me: I don't think I want eggs for breakfast anymore.
Isabel: Hey Jackson.
Me: Hi Isabel, what's up?
Isabel: Well, I'm obviously bored or else I wouldn't be talking to you!
Mr. Worthy: Uh, you students remind just like my ex-wife!
Class: Which one?
Mr. Worthy: Andrei, what did you get for number twelve?
Mr. Worthy: C?
Andrei: No I said B. B as in apples.
Me: Please tell me your trying to be funny.
Marcus: It was funny, my uncles friend happened to be the father of my friend that i met in band camp that played the flute.
Joey: So does that mean you are your own grandpa?
Person I can not say: What happens when you put a paper clip in an electric outlet?
Me: Dunno, how bout you go try it?