Chapter one: In which a newcomer is welcomed

One day, a hapless individual of miscellaneous gender took a wrong turn in the forum of life.

He/she/it ended up in what we fatefully call the Review Game.

Inside the Review Game there are many rooms to see, many people to have and many adventures to meet.

EDIT: scratch that, reverse it.

So, this hapless individual, whom we shall call Newbie, took a wrong turn and landed his sorry bottom on the Review Game doorstep.

The front door opened...

Newbie entered with caution. He spotted light under a door and walked towards it. He could hear the sounds of clicking and laughing and general rowdiness.

With a smile, he rested his hand on the door handle.

"What do you think you're doing?!" an ethereal voice shrieked from behind. "You can't go in there!"

"Umm, why not?"

The room beyond was silent now. Noob found this very disconcerting. He even thought he could hear a snigger or two.

"Why not?! You have to A) read this," the odd woman handed him a heavy tome that had the words 'Read This First; RG law' embossed in peeling gold, "and B) go up the stairs, along the corridor, second staircase in the left, fifth door on the right, then the ladder and straight onwards from there, you have to go to Intro! Gawsh!"

Newbie, struggling to hold onto the heavy book, managed to hide it under a random flowerpot while the woman wasn't looking. "I have to go to this place called 'Intro'?"

"Yes!" She beamed, then scooted past him into the forbidden room.

Newbie blinked. He had only wanted to meet some new people...


"Hello, my name's Newbie. My favourite piece of my writing is -insert story here-, and I found this place by getting very lost! Hi!"

A figure loomed out of the darkness in the attic. "Hiya!"


"Welcome to the RG!"

"It's a bit crazy!"

"Wait till Frac comes along, she gives you a nick, and then you can join us in the OT lounge!"

"Umm, good?" Newbie managed to insert amidst the sudden ruckus.

"Yes, good! My name's Radio, by the way."

"I'm Sesshy, Radio and I are wizards."

"Wizards, for the win!"

"Plus one, hell yeah!"

Newbie stammered for a moment. "...did you actually just say 'plus one'?"

"I hath arrived! Clear the way! Oh. Hello again." It was that woman again. She smiled at him; Noob resisted the urge to flinch. "I'm Frac, the Moddess and Reggy's most wonderful consort. Hail!"









"Just say hail!" Sesshy whispered urgently.

"Umm. Hail?"

Frac grinned, content. "Now then... nick nick nick... Newbie.. Newb... Noob! From this moment onwards, you shall be known as Noob! The Moddess hath spoken." And with that, she ceremoniously pinned an innocuous square badge on his collar. There was a vague grey head shape on it and it seemed to be humming slightly. Noob now noticed that everyone else was wearing a similar badge, but with many different and zany images on them.

"Hi Noob!"

The other people in the attic clamoured around him till he was swamped.

Then, all of a sudden, he was alone in the dusty room.


Many downstairs later, Noob arrived at the infamous door to the OT lounge. Taking a deep breath, he shouldered the door open and entered the room.

It was definitely an odd sight...

The lounge was packed out: a range of people from different nations were spread across the room, with the majority sprawled on the large sofa in the middle of the room. Three figures in particular seemed rather dilapidated and weary. Noob walked over to where they slumped.


A brown haired young man who looked a tiny bit like David Tennant and wore a 'kissing in the rain' badge, turned and smiled a little fuzzily. "Hey! Welcome to the OT. Make yourself at home." The similarly chestnut haired girl with glasses lying in his arms raised a hand feebly, trying to affect a wave.

"Are you three okay? You don't look so hot..."

"I'm fine!!!"

Noob turned to see a bubbly looking, blonde girl bouncing up and down beside them.

"Oh Karas, leave him be, he just got here..." the bespectacled brunette sighed.

Karas just squeaked and ran off to find some sugar.

"It's Noob, right?" the girl asked.

Noob nodded.

"I'm Beatles, this is Zion."

"They're in luuuuuuurve!!" Karas popped back to supply.

"Thanks Kas..." the lying pair drawled, their eyelids drooping.

"Seriously, you guys alright?"

"It's late, is all." Zion yawned as if to prove this point.

Beatles laughed. "You could say early though, Z."

The man chuckled before yawning again. Karas buzzed around the pair, sneezing on occasions and generally hyper.

Noob looked on in amusement before two pairs of hands descended and he was dragged across the room.

"Do you like Doctor Who?!" the two girls shrieked. One had a sheep badge, and the other a David Tennant logo.

"Umm, sure?" Noob said, trying his best not to edge away.

They smiled in approval and began to grill him on TARDIS trivia. After a while, Noob noticed something. The way the girls held hands; the look in their eyes when their gazes met... there was something here alright.

"Can I ask... are you two... you know... umm, yeah?"

The sheep badge smirked. "Are we what?"

"You know," Noob said with flaming cheeks, "like together, and such?"

Both of them giggled. "Yes! We got married a day after Zion and Beatles, actually."

"I'm Dolly, hence the sheep. Clone jokes are so for the win, no?"

"No," the other joked while Dolly scowled, "and I'm River(s). Pleased to meetcha Noob."

"River(s)? Why the plural?"

River's eyes twinkled. "Just a bit schizo, like most people here, but a lot more latent."


"Well, I wouldn't say schizo as such.."

"I'm sure you wouldn't, little miss denial!"

"That's mister, actually."

"Smart arse."

"Yo momma!"

"Surely you just insulted all of our mothers?"

"Shut up, smart arse! You're all smart arses!"

"Chill pill, relax..."

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"I'm not trying to—"

Noob edged away, River's conversation with herself/himself was starting to hurt his head.