why does cutting make everything all right
if only for a little while.
how can hurting yourself
be the answer to all of your problems.
why is it the only way
some people can still feel alive.
what would happen to them
if they could have it no more.

imagine you are one who needs pain just to feel
would you crumple or go insane.
if you could no longer feel that pain.
would you go on a rampage
killing everyone around you.
would you simply become a zombie
unable to do anything.

i don't know what i would do
if i had no more of this pain
but for right now,
i shall embrace what i have
while i still have it.

i never truly knew
the meaning of addiction
until recently
i never thought
that you could get addicted
to hurting yourself
but it's true
and i battle with it
everyday of my
out of control life

i have tried to stop this,
maybe for the wrong reasons
but either way
i was not strong enough
and my addiction
sucked me right back in,
into its bloody grasp
and i'm afraid i have no way out.

the thing with addictions like this
is that you have to want to stop
not everyone else around you

two of the hardest things to do
are actually wanting to stop
especially when the reason
you started in the first place
was to feel
and to find another way to feel like this,
to have the courage to try something new
something that won't hurt you.