Chapter Five:

Sporks are the Reason Cousins Shouldn't Marry

Day Five.

7:57 AM.

"Hey Gwen! How're you? Good? Good! Man I am really jazzed on this coffee, I can't believe I didn't ever try it before, where have I BEEN my whole life? There was a whole world of wonder in 16 ounces of pure caffeine and whipped cream and- and- and- AGH, it's just so amazing!" Louis was on a caffeine-induced roll. "Do you like Starbucks, Gwen? Pssht, of course you like Starbucks! Everybody who's anybody likes Starbucks, and you're such an anybody that you're an everybody! OOH, are we partnering up for projects today? You wanna be MY partner? I have a bunch of ideas like that whole genetics chapter, we could... we could... well I don't know what we could do, but I can guarantee you that it would be totally epically A to the W to the E to the SOME! AWESOME, Gwen, it'd be AWESOME!"

Gwen stared at Louis, unsure what to say to this. "You should never drink coffee again, Louis," she said unsurely. "It's... scary. Funny, but scary."

Louis laughed and, for no apparent reason, started using Gwen's desk as a drum kit. "Man oh man, I am on such a rush like you would not believe."

"I bet I can."

Louis laughed. "Yeah, yeah you could? You're my victim- my, um, myyy... my hyperactive ranting victim! Ohhh, I'm gonna victimitize you every DAY!" He paused. "That didn't come out right."

Gwen shook her head. "No. It didn't."

"But seriously! You wanna be partners? Pleeeaaase?" Louis clasped his hands together and gave Gwen the puppy dog eyes that are so very hard to refuse.

Gwen laughed. "Sure, why not?" She couldn't help but ruffle Louis' hair. He looked too much like a puppy at that moment.

"Why are you petting me?" asked Louis, running his fingers through his hair to straighten it out.

"You're a puppy! That's why I'm petting you." Gwen beamed and giggled a little.

"Oh yeah? Well..." Louis pointed his finger in Gwen's face, trying to come up with a witty retort. "You're a kitten."

Gwen's eyebrows shot up. "Is that a reference to my glasses?" she asked. She didn't sound upset by this; she was more amused than anything.

Louis shook his head. "Nah, you're just like a kitten. Dunno why, you just are."

Gwen laughed. "So if I'm a kitten and you're a puppy, what does that mean when we're together like this?" There was a twinkle in her eye that was implying something.

"Um..." Louis thought it over. "I... don't know. We're... diggin?" He and Gwen automatically burst into laughter at "diggin" and Louis collapsed on Gwen's desk. They laughed more than you would expect at such a simple word, but you have to take the early hour into consideration (everything's funny when you're sleep deprived). "Oh geez, that turned out funny."

Gwen nodded, wiping at her eyes. "Yeah, yeah it did." She took a few deep breaths to calm down. "I bet we wouldn't be laughing so hard if it wasn't so freaking early in the morning."

Louis nodded, also calming down. "You're probably right." He exhaled. "Wow."

"By the way... sure."

"Sure what?"

Gwen poked at Louis. "Sure I'll partner up with you."

Louis threw his fist in the air and cheered, the caffeine rush running through his system again. "SWEET! Should we do a thing about genetics, like create DNA and use a spoon and fork to show how genes work with the spork..."

"The spork is an example of what happens when cousins marry," said Gwen. "The spoon and fork are very closely related. It's almost cutlery incest." She laughed at the dazed look on Louis' face.

"I'm never going to look at silverware the same way again," he said. This comment sent the two into mad laughter all over again.


3:05 PM.


Louis was alarmed to see Evan giving Ella a piggyback ride while he belted out the Rubber Ducky song. "Let me guess... five people called you adorable?"

He laughed when Ella chimed, "TEN! Man... I don't know what we're doing, but I like it- that's what she said- it's giving me piggy back rides on Evan!" She looked very smug.

"It's a good thing you're cute and make awesome jokes," said Evan, sounding a bit strained. "I'm gonna throw my back out doing this- THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" He laughed when he and Ella chorused this.

"You guys have such dirty minds," said Louis, more disturbed than anything else.

"There is one simple rule to that's-what-she-said," said Ella matter-of-factly. "If it's a sentence, then it can probably be turned into a joke. For instance, Evan?"

Evan cleared his throat. "It sure is warm today," he said (he was right; the temperature was in the 60's).

"And..." Ella motioned for Louis to make the necessary statement.

"...That's what she said?"

"Yes!" Evan and Ella cheered. Ella made a satisfied sound, leaned over, and kissed Evan on the cheek. "You're so cute," she said.

"You're cuddly," said Evan in reply.

"You're losing your adorableness factor." Gwen walked up behind Louis and gave him a bright smile. "Ready to get to work, partner?"

"Don't say it!" said Louis threateningly, pointing to Evan and Ella who were already thinking their catch phrase (or catch joke if you'd like to be more accurate). After a moment of giving them the steeliest steely look he could make, he turned back to Gwen. "Yes. You wanna work over at my house? Everybody's gonna be out so we'd have some peace and quiet to work."

Gwen glanced over at Evan and Ella, who were fascinated by this conversation, and she answered carefully, "That... sounds... no, wait. Peace and quiet would be nice." She looked at Evan and Ella daringly.

"...CURSE you, Gwen!" yelled Evan, who would have pointed at Gwen angrily if he wasn't still holding his girlfriend. "Curse you and your knowledge of our opportunisticiticy..." He frowned. "That's not a word... you know what I mean!"

Gwen grinned and took a bow. "Thank you, I'll be here 'till graduation!" She exhaled and clapped her hands together, turning back to Louis. "Ets-lay o-gay."


3:47 PM.

As you can expect, Louis and Gwen weren't too hasty about getting to work on that project; they were a little preoccupied with an after-school snack, which turned into an after-school meal of chips, cheese, and a box of Oreos. "So where're your parents anyways?" asked Gwen as she dipped an Oreo into a glass of chocolate milk (Ovaltine to be precise).

"Work 'till 5," answered Louis casually. "Then my sister Katie is on a field trip today a couple hours away, so she won't be home for a long while." He was very pleased about this; Katie would never let him live it down if she found out that Louis brought home a girl, even if it was only for a school project.

Gwen nodded. "What grade is she in?" she asked for the sake of courtesy.

"Second," answered Louis. "She never hesitates to show everybody who comes in all her wonderful grades and art projects." When Gwen laughed, he said, "No, you don't know her! It's her attitude that is so frustrating!"

"She's just a kid," said Gwen. "It's her job to be show-offy. Every kid's that way when they're little. Fact of life." She carefully twisted one of the chocolate parts off an Oreo to get to the center. "The center's the best. Of an Oreo, I mean." She dipped the two halves into the milk.

Louis nodded. "Mmhmm."

There was a silence that felt like an age to Louis, so he walked into the living room and turned on the CD player. It started playing Relient K as usual. "Katie always plays Relient K," he said casually as he came back into the kitchen. He grabbed a seat next to Gwen. "It grows on you after a while."

"So I'm taking you with me, everywhere that I could ever wanna be for the rest of my life..."

Gwen nodded. "Cute song," she commented.

" with me, and if there ever comes a time when I should have to leave..."

Louis laughed a little nervously. "Yeah, I guess," he agreed.

"I hope you know that I, I'm taking you with me..."

They sat there for a while, just listening to music and eating, when Louis finally said, "So, um, we should get to work, shouldn't we?" He felt like he couldn't breathe very easily.

Gwen nodded again. "Yeah, probably," she said a little more loudly than normal. "So, um, where's a computer we could use...?"

"Erm..." Louis swallowed. "We could use the one in my room... it works the fastest," he explained.

Gwen nodded yet again- it was like she had turned into a bobble-head. "Sounds good." Her voice was still too loud.

Louis motioned for Gwen to follow him down the hall to his room, wondering if she would be instantly creeped out by the gigantic mess that had gathered over the last few days. He watched her closely as they entered and was relieved to see that she didn't seem to care about the clutter. "I cleaned yesterday," he said just to see Gwen's reaction.

She laughed. "You're like me," she said with a grin. "No matter how many times I clean, it's always a mess by the next day."

Louis mirrored her expression and pulled his laptop onto his bed, signing on. Almost as soon as he got online, an instant message from Connor popped up.

How's it going with Gwen?

Louis' eyes widened and he quickly typed, she's over here now to work on a science project. So yeah, we're doing good. Can't really talk now, but talk to me later.

Connor wrote back, Ohhh nice!

Yeah, now GOODBYE. Louis x'ed off the message and looked up at Gwen, who was examining Louis' desk. "Soo... wanna find out how sporks are born?"

Gwen laughed. "Dude, it's CUTLERY INCEST!"


Day Five: February 10.

Progress: She thinks I'm funny and we both think sporks are genetic mutations because of the unholy relationship between a fork and a spoon. She doesn't care that my room's a complete mess.

Hope: Filled with it.

HAHAHA, made it! So... I had to change the rating to T. You probably understand why.

Thanks to jinx89and lovefantasyworkreality for the reviews! Man you guys are quick...

I just gave you a snack, but have another one. Oreos!