Never Lose My Way

By Nara Merald

Summary: Sometimes, I wonder if it's better or worse to want someone who will make me forget that I have everything to lose. [Slash]
Disclaimers: Rated for mature themes, violence, swearing, sexual activity, depressing themes and more… This is a slash [boyxboy] story. You have been warned.

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Prologue: Loss
Adam

If there's one thing I've learnt in life, it's that there's never any win. You can't live forever, can't beat disease, and talking about living forever, I don't think I'd want to. And yet this means we all die, inevitably.

Some people will look at my situation and think I've got nothing to lose. My Dad's fought cancer that could come back at any stage and his hold on life is probably as precarious as they come, I'm ostracised in society for being Gay, my mother doesn't love me and I'm all alone.

Do I have nothing to lose?
Far from it; if there's one thing life has told me, it is that I have everything to lose.
My father, brother… any of my family could die. Patrick or Dan even, have wormed their way into my possible losses, even our friends.

I have so much to lose it makes me hug my pillow at night and wonder if I wish I could stay alone forever and never be hurt or if I could get someone who makes me forget the bad things that happen… Someone who'll share a coffee with me in the morning and listen to my heartbeat at night, someone who will drive away my nightmares of crying over my father's corspe, of trying to be there for dad if something ever happens to Warren. Someone who'll distract me from thoughts of trying to face Patrick and Dan with a calm face and knowing that if Warren and Dad died, I would lie to them, lie about everything and wonder if I was enough of a coward to commit suicide and leave them behind.

Someone who will make me remember why people at school laugh and care about fashion, why they bitch about how uncool their parents are, as if it's the worst thing that ever happens to them. Someone who will make me forget about how I sweat when I imagine the phone call; the results are back and they're positive, the chemo doesn't work, that his days are limited and our days are limited.
Someone who will make me forget exactly how destroyed I could possibly become. Because the minute I forget, I lose.

And as I've already mentioned… I have a lot to lose.

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Author's Note

This, as mentioned, is just the prologue of "Never Lose My Way", because I've been driven insane with lack of passion for Landmines. (I AM trying to be more responsible and update, I promise!). This will not be updated, because it's the sequal to Landmines, and the third story in the WISH quartet. (Aka, it gives away the storyline for Landmines!) I'm just letting you all know I'm not dead... and that what everyone else thinks of Adam is not neccessarily what is going on under the surface!
xoxo Nara