The funeral was on a Saturday. It was November 22, extremely cold, and raining. It was rare weather for Georgia. I looked out my bedroom window. It was one of the last times I would. That's what mom had decided after Leah's death. 'It's time for a new start,' was what she said, 'It's what we both need.' And, so, we leave tomorrow. The only things not in boxes are the dress that I'm wearing to the funeral and the bag that holds my stuff for the 61 hour car drive to Ketchikan, Alaska. We would drive for 15 hours each day and then pull into a hotel to sleep at night. Four whole days of nothing but driving and sleeping. This was one of those rare times that I was glad I wasn't allowed to get my license until I was seventeen. I didn't want to have to help drive, not that mom would let me if I could.
"Marli! Come on, were going to be late. You have 20 minutes," my mom's voice stole me from my reverie.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I was still in my robe from when I got out of the shower an hour ago. I still had to dry and tame my hair, plus brush my teeth and get dressed. I looked away from the mirror so I wouldn't have to see myself cry anymore.
I had absentmindedly begun crying again. It was an on and off thing for the past two days. Ever since I woke up.
She was my cousin, my best friend, my everything. Her death was anything but expected. Apparently, I was catatonic for the two days following her death. I don't remember it. All I remember is waking up in a hospital bed. I didn't remember what had happened. I started screaming when they told me. They had had to sedate me in the end. But, by the time I had gotten home that night, all of my memories were back and pictures kept flashing up in my mind. Everything reminded me of it.
I hadn't wanted to think about it anymore, so I had tried to go to sleep that night. The images haunted me in my dreams too. I was trapped. Nothing I did leading up to today took my mind off of it. I still didn't know why. Why was I the one who had had to find Leah, cold and peaceful, in her bed that morning? I just wanted to tell her to hurry up and get ready for school. Nothing could have prepared me for finding her in the state that I did.
Leah had been living with us for all three years preceding her death. Her mom died when she was a baby and her dad had died in a car accident. So my mom adopted her. She instantly became the sister I never had. The best friend I had always longed for. We even got classes together at school because we didn't have the same last name. We were inseparable. But, when she was taken from me, it wasn't like just losing my sister. It was like losing my life. A part of me died when I found her that morning.
I finished getting ready in a blur. It seemed that my brain just did things for me, like it was taking care of me. I certainly don't remember getting dressed and doing my hair. At least I wasn't completely helpless.
"Are you ready Marli?" my mom asked. She was standing at my bedroom door in a very conservative black dress. She was holding up better than I was at least. But then again, that's not saying much. Her light blonder hair stood in sharp contrast to the black dress she wore. She wore it up in a tight bun on the back of her head. My own dress was black as well. It was long sleeved and came down to my knees. I bought it one day with Leah at the mall. She said it was 'sexy and sophisticated.' That was a month before she died. I had never worn it before. I thought it she would like it if I wore it to her funeral.
"Marli?" my mother spoke.
I simply nodded in response. "Yeah. Yeah I'm ready."
We didn't speak on the way to where the funeral was being held. I was the very last to view the body. Another part of me died as I stood there in front of the casket.
When the preacher finished the ceremony, a line of cars more than a mile long followed behind the hearse to the cemetery. It was extremely cold outside, but I refused to put on a jacket. I had to wear that dress… for Leah.
I just stood there. Watching them descend her body into the dug grave. Another part of me died. I was beginning to wonder when I would just collapse. How much of myself had to die before there was nothing left?
I told my mom I would meet her at home, that it wasn't that far of a walk. After about 10 minutes of debating, she left me alone in front of Leah's grave. I didn't know what I would do without her. I didn't bother to make other friends at school because we had sneaked our way into getting all the same classes together. There was no reason to make other friends. People had gone as far as bribing us to let them into our little twosome. We were considered, well not popular, but far from un-cool. We were invited to every party and we were envied by everyone. I think the reason for that was Leah. She brought me out of my shell. I was always shy until I was around Leah.
It didn't even matter though. I was going to a new state. A new side of the country. The farthest west I had ever been was Texas, and it was only for a weekend.
I did the only think that came to mind. I lay there with Leah. I couldn't leave her. How could I leave her? After everything she had given me, it would be unthinkable to leave her there by herself. I lost track of time. I just kept re-reading the words on her gravestone until I had memorized it:
Leah Rose Heatley
BELOVED NIECE
BELOVED COUSIN
BELOVED SOUL
I didn't wasn't sure how much time had passed, but I could hear a voice in the distance.
"Marli? Marli, where are you?" Mom? I looked up. It was night time. I had been here for hours. I looked in the distance and sure enough there was my mom carrying a heavy duty flashlight with three other guys with her. I think they were our neighbors, I don't know. They all look the same to me.
"Mom?" I called.
"Oh, baby, you scared me death. You didn't come home and I called everyone and finally I just remembered that you told me you wanted to stay here for a few minutes," my mom said all in a rush. If I didn't know what one looked like, I might have thought she was having a panic attack.
I didn't say anything though. I just let her take me into her arms wile I cried on her shoulder. She hadn't seen me cry. I didn't cry in front of people. But I knew when it was time to let go. And it was time.
Then, I yelped.
"What? What is it, baby?" my mom asked pulling me back so she could look at me.
"N…Nothing. It's nothing, I bit my tongue, that's all," I tried to cover it up because what I really yelped about, was gone now. The figure that I could have sworn I had seen near the edge of the trees in the distance had vanished. And I started crying all over again.
I must be going crazy. I must be. Because I could have sworn that the person I saw standing near the trees, was Leah.