So I can Sleep!



I can't sleep at night, anymore. people keep singing.

screaming! and I can't find Sam, at night as much.

and I can't Stand Adam at his hour.

and I could be Fucking Michael, if only I wasn't,

such a fucking coward!


and now Jonny (Lang) can only keep me up,

and my computer is no help, and the internet

is even worse. where people are contently touching each other,

right between the legs.


I've learned to get hot, in 40 degree weather,

and the keyboard sounds like rain, and I'm not yet cold,

or angry, or alive (anymore).

and Sam left me alone, so now I am alone.


not in Italy, in my home. being loud.

wake. and alone, in my bed, covers at my feet.

I can't find the space, for Matt, or Darren.

or any of the other names. that I have chosen to forget.


and even though I'm sure he knows! (something!)

I can't stop pretending! and the screaming continues!

its endless! infinite, like space! it has too much dark matter,

(not enough gravity,) and will soon be swallowed whole, by itself,

at any given time. and then none of us will have names.


so there god! we will have no names, or books!

or music, or any sound at all! all that will be left,

is silence! no love, or sex, or cumming in you pants,

while we dry hump till dawn.


and we will know nothing! of love nor freedom!

and we will be awake all the time! until we forget,

whatever it was we were trying to remember.

and we will then find peace.


not this night! this night you get your dick in me,

and fuck me without a name! and you don't ask any questions,

and you don't love me, or need me to love you.

and you don't fuck girls, unless you need to fuck them.

only once you start to…overflow.


and I can't help getting fucked! in my head.

and I can't help thinking, that there's something,

special, in the head of your dick, and I want to taste it.

I want it in me!


and then I start dreaming, and it gets deeper.

you can get in me, in my dreams. and I'm doing all the things,

that make men love to fuck me. and you're whispering nothings,

that I don't have to answer.


you say my name at least once, and I never cum.

with you in me. because in my dreams,

I Can't Cum-

And It's Killing Me.


this is why, I don't sleep much. because I dream, too much.

and you fill too many dreams, with sex and fucking.

and I can't have that! every night…it's too much,

to all just be a lie. (and all truly in my head)


so fuck me! find me and fuck me!

I would let you in (me). that's why its 2:18,

that's why I'm awake. you make me stay awake,

I can't sleep, knowing your face, alive.

touching yourself, touching me.


Both! keep me awake. alive, horny enough,

to make me want it, at almost any time of night.

to be thinking about it, at almost any time of night.


I can't dream of someone new, my mind will have none of it,

it wants you, Sam. It can think of no one else.

something hard! that if possible will hurt!

for more then one day. that would be ideal.


or just something to keep me cold at night,

so I can stop waking up, covered in sweat.

exhausted, exposed, aroused. I can't have that,

more then three times a week, if I want to stay sane.


and if you can do none of these things,

please leave me be, and stop tempting me,

with all these things about you, I've come to want in me.

because I'm small, and things in me, are tight.


Very, very tight.