Don't expect too many chapters for a while. It the summer holidays, I'm an idle child.


For about the last five years my school has done two 'enrichment' days in the summer before we break up for the holidays. Some of the things include first aid, a sport day (not sports day as in everyone competing) a technology day and some other things I can't remember. This year we had a day about University application and stuff.

The second day... they brought in the Army.

We didn't do anything wrong, it was a day of team building exercises. First we had to stand in a straight line, height order. The line was not straight. I found I'm not the shortest person in my year group, I'm the third shortest. Then we got put into teams, for once I had a team which I could work with, three of them from my old chemistry class and the others I just knew. There were ten of us in that team, three girls including me.

We were told to line up in our teams; no one wanted to go to the front so guess who ended up standing at the front, yup, me. The Army guy in charge starts handing out these things of camo cream, and demonstrates on this girl who has make up practically caked on her face. He makes a huge show of spiting on the cream first then getting a load of stuff on his fingers and wiping it on her face. Once he's done he looks at his fingers in minor disgust and wipes them on his jacket. That alone made my day, I hated that girl. People start to put it on.

He then casually asks if anyone's allergic to horse manure.

Anyway, the guy walks down the line to inspect people, most of my group are done so were back in our line. The guy stops in front of me just as it starts to lightly rain and looks at me and asks 'nice weather isn't it?' I just looked straight back and said 'yeah, I love the rain'. When he moved on one of the girls behind me asks me how I did that. I have three brothers, not much scares me.


We got sent of to our first activities, failed our first task (getting people across a 'river' with a n injured 'person'). Succeeded in our second one (getting a box across a 'valley'). The next one needs a mention, all but two of us were blindfolded and told to move a bridge bit by bit. I hate being blindfolded but I can't lead to save my life so I was one of the blindfolded people. I'm surprised at how long we went without accidentally groping someone.

Then one of the bright sparks told the person I was working with to take my hand.

Nick: Ok Alistair, Pauline's next to you, reach out your left hand, lower, she's short remember.

His hand goes too low and he gropes my boob. I quickly back away and accidentally tread on someone's foot

Me: Nick, I blame you for this.

He then left me standing by a box, blindfolded, he and the other person had 'forgotten' me.

Also the classic

Nick: ok kneel down. In front of you should be a wooden pole.

Cue sniggering


Next was a four person sack race, as in four people to a sack, we were split into two teams, for that my team won. I think it was because I wasn't on the team with the other girls. Their team had to do a forfeit.


We also were introduce to 'grenade'. The person in charge would yell 'grenade' and we would have to get out of the sack and lie on the floor until the 'all clear'. There was only one occasion when some dived onto someone else. If you didn't get down in time you got push ups.


The next on had the guy who was in charge of the whole thing. We were once again split up into teams. First he asked us how many people on our team, 10 he looked at us and said 'I'd count 9 and a half' looking at me.

Then he asked about the number of girls and boys. 3 girls and 7 boys, 'I would think four girls' he said looking at a guy with girly hair. I made a big mistake, I went on the team with the two other girls. We lost badly, the other girls couldn't even do the forfeit.

We were supposed to build this 'buggy' to do this we had to run to a box, grab one piece and run back. our team leader could look at the instruction's but not do anything. One of the girls was our team leader, we made the other girl stay and help build it as she was slowing us down. My team was pretty useless and unmotivated.

Oh and silent grenade happened. He would whisper it to one group so unless they were really observant the other team would get the push ups. He did that during the forfeit and whispered it to the other girls who were still trying. Our forfeit had been to belly crawl the distance we had previously been running. There was no way we could tell it was grenade.


Next exercise was moving this tower of seven blocks each of different sizes to one end and back. Only one block could be moved at a time and you could only put smaller blocks on bigger ones, there were only three spot where blocks could be placed. Once again split up for this, I was on the other team so there was at least one girl on each team. We beat the other team soundly, they had only got it to the first place when we got ours back. Our leadery person was a women she was pretty nice. Still did the grenade thing.


The next one we had been looking forward to since we arrived, an inflatable assault course.

It. Was. Awesome.

Slightly damp from the rain only made it more fun. First time through I dived over the first thing, crashed into the third as I rolled under the second (they were under/over things). I soon got the hang of it. Another team thing, my team won again, girls on other team. No forfeits this time.


Our second to last one was laser target shooting, Like clay pigeon shooting but with lasers and reflective 'pigeons'. Those guns were heavy, they were real guns just modified. I got one hit, only girl to hit one in my group and I beat three of the guys who hadn't hit any. I was so proud.


Last one we went to, but the team before were still trying it. One of my friends was in that group so we watched... I think it was safe to say they failed. They packed up and it was our turn. They had eaten into some of our go so wee had about ten minutes, the guy in charge gave us the option if we wanted to or not. We wanted to. It took us five minutes. We had to put up three freestanding poles in three 'islands', thread some cable through the tops and connect two telephones then hold a conversation. It was about cake. Yeah we succeeded awesomely.


We had some time after packing everything up so, back in our groups, we did some four-way tug of way. Four teams, two pieces of rope tied together in the middle to make four ends, in the middle was a marked square. If you were pulled into that square you were out. You could team up with another group to get another group out but ultimately you were in it for only your team.

It was pretty sunny by then so no one would get too muddy. It may have escalated to mud wrestling otherwise.

There were ten people on my team (eight if you only include people who actually did something), the other teams had at least fourteen. Luckily people took pity on us and our team grew allowing us to win.


You want to know something that made the whole thing better? Our registration teachers had a team too, they did all the same exercises and forfeits. One of the Drama teachers was on that team, she's old and wrinkly... watching them attempt the assault course was hilarious. Watching them with the tug of war was even more hilarious. In the end it was 'Teachers Vs Kids 1 Vs Kids 2 Vs Army guys and girl'. I can't remember who won but it was so funny.


We got let go after that, I walk to and from school so I started home, the second I stepped out of those gates it started raining and only got heavier. I already got some weird looks from the camo cream, the fact I was drenched as well... yeah, short sleeve tee shirt (thank god not white) and combat pants plastered to me by the rain, I must have looked like a nut case. Especially as I had a huge grin on my face.

Girl: you have something on your face.

Me: No, really?

Girl: yeah, it makes you face look gross

Me: Have you looked in a mirror recently?

- Other random things-

We spent our last maths lesson eating cake and drawing on the electronic whiteboard. I realised how short I am in comparison to the rest of my class as they were drawing around peoples shadows.


Oh remember the walk I mentioned, that was a fail. Never happened. Apparently they couldn't use the route they had planed. I didn't care, I was on a chemistry trip.


There you go, one Army day

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