Smile – your eyes look so sad

I watch your face carefully. It's sanguine and smiling, but there are a million messages inside those eyes, and I can't get any deeper than the single question written across the dark irises. It screams at me; a neon sign inside that I can't ignore. It brings tears to my own eyes and they threaten to dance down my cheeks in a foolish display of emotion that I'm not supposed to feel. I cannot get past the question that threatens to break me, and for a moment, I forget that it's you in front of me.

Does it still hurt when I say I'll always be yours?

My shoulders fall and I remember it all. The sleepless nights, the tears I couldn't bring myself to cry. The moments I could forget that I cared, and the moments I wanted to see you so badly my whole being ached with it. I shake my head for a moment as I remember that you don't care any more. And maybe that's what hurts the most. I watch your face again, drinking in the details I'll never see again. Your smile is so bright, and I know there is nothing I'd rather see for the rest of my life; that I could die now and be perfectly content.

And honestly the part of me that feels so low is the part that can't speak when the words mean the most

You keep your eyes fastened on mine, and I push down the insignificant phrases that jump to my mouth. There is nothing I could say now that would do justice to my heart. The words are superfluous and if this was a book it would be the part that I slowly kiss you, drinking a moment of rapture. But if this was a book there'd be a happy ending, and I know that a happy ending is too much to hope for. So instead, I swallow deeply and soothe my mind with lies – that this will be ok, that I'll walk away from it whole. I glace up at you and suddenly I'm speaking, words flowing into a question I didn't realize I wanted to ask.

Do you care? Did you ever?

You stare and I blush, a deep crimson only I can achieve. I curse my words and shake my head, my head again. I'm delusional to think – to hope – that you could still need me. There must be someone else by now – I know she must be nearby. You keep looking over my shoulder and I know it's for her. I know that it's wrong to feel this when your love is someone else's. But if the thought of you alone without me is enough to cause my heart to break, and the thought of you not alone without me kills me.

While my eyes ignore my mind just can't deny

You shake your head for a moment, and I take that as your response. No, you never cared. That is the answer I have been longing to hear, and dreading to know. I quiet my heart's solitary wish – just one kiss, it's obvious I need this – and nod slowly. Finally the signs I have ignored are lined up and I can see what they spell. So why is it hard to stop pretending? I close my eyes and scold the tears into submission. Even now that I know, how can I convince myself to stop needing this; this twisted and painful something that we shared – the twisted and painful something that we shared that has become a bigger part of me than I could have ever imagine in my wildest dreams.

A dream of ever after, awake alone and cold

Finally I nod for the last time and turn away. I hadn't expected a happy ending, but it still hurts not to have one. I walk slowly, my steps lingering, each one needing convincing to walk away from you. But somehow I move, somehow I make my way from the one person I never want to leave behind. I don't turn, knowing that I could never continue to walk if I saw your face again. The world seems quiet but everywhere around me is movement. A whisper of wind breathes across my face and I feel it stroke the tears in their dance down my cheeks. My heart sings it's swansong and I want to scream aloud. But I don't, instead closing my eyes against the world in an attempt to stop the foolish display of emotion I'm not supposed to feel. In doing all this I miss the last murmur you let out – I'm too far gone to hear.

It won't stop 'cause I'm not letting go


Authors Note:

Hi all, just another short one from yours truly. Some lyrics inspired me - And honestly the part of me that feels so low is the part that can't speak when the words mean the most - and this is what came out of it. All the lyrics are from a nice little aussie band called Envy Parade (check them out theyre truly fabulous :D) so i don't own any of them....but i wish i did! ;p

anyway, thank you for reading (which i am assuming you have seeing as you're reading this....) and if you have the time, review me. but only if you want too, it doesnt bother me if you dont, but...well...*smiles hopefully*

have a happy day!