Contemplating Feelings

The Girl sat at the kitchen island with chin in hand, pinkie on her bottom lip, and her iPod blaring some random song. To anyone who passed would think She was just spacing out or something. But when truly She was thinking, thinking very deeply. She had visions of a blonde haired Boy in Her mind. Visions of Him laughing at Her clumsiness. Visions of Him cooking right there at that very kitchen island. Visions of Him just staring at Her.

She contemplated what Her feelings were to the Boy. She's known this Boy most of Her life. As a child She wanted nothing but this Boy to be Her older brother. But now years later, years after not seeing each other regularly, She doesn't want Him as a brother, especially since She has her own brother now. She doesn't look at this Boy as a brother anymore, She looks as Him as a great friend, looks at Him....as more than a friend. She doesn't understand where these feelings came from.

The first time She stopped thinking Him as a brother was when She was 12 and He was 14.

They hadn't seen each other in years. And now on a certain holiday they see each other again. She realized how cute He was even at 12. He'd grew taller, went through puberty, and gotten rid of the dorky glasses that had once made Him look so endearing. But of course She never admitted this to anyone. He was still Him, and She knew She'd probably wouldn't see Him in a while after that day.

And to be exact, that's what happened. It wasn't until She was 14 herself, and 16 himself that She saw Him again. It was during the summer, June actually, when She saw Him again. It was at the Queen's Fest. A festival held every summer by Queen's school, where Him and His brothers both use to attend school. There She saw His mom first. All day the Girl had been anxiously waiting to see Him, and then standing right next to Her and not even knowing it was Him. He grew even taller and cuter. Still had the same short blonde hair, no glasses, and now an obsession with His green converse, which was coincidentally the same as Her. She had an obsession with Her own green converse. Later She remembers telling Her favorite cousin that She thought He was cute, and the cousin took it as if She liked Him, which wasn't true at the time.

Now here at 16, She sees the Boy more often. Their mothers back to being the almost inseparable friends they were as kids. Now the Girl is confused about Her feelings for Him. She doesn't know if She likes Him more than a boy at school or not. Should she go out on a limb and hope the boy from school will be the one who will take her out and make him Her own? Or should She wait for the Boy she's known most of Her life, and the one She actually talks to?

She sits there chewing on Her pinkie flashes of Her childhood fly before Her eyes, mostly with Him in them. Then Her thoughts linger over to the tall dark haired boy from school, who She's never spoken to before. Many may think the decision is an obviously easy one. But not to Her. The dark haired boy maybe perfect for Her and may not even know it. She doesn't want to give up something that maybe perfect for Her. But if he truly is for Her maybe that means he'll come back to Her if She goes for someone else. But at the same time what if He is the one for Her. She knows she has to take a chance with one of them. She has to give up one for the other, or both for a completely other person. She knows She has to. But She wants to be selfish and have them both, or have one of them make the decision for Her.

As She sits and contemplates Her situation, She is unaware She is being watched by a certain blonde haired Boy. He watches Her stare into nothing, chew on Her pinkie, and absently trace Her fingertips across the granite island top. He never thought He'd ever have feelings for this Girl beyond friendship. He hadn't seen this Girl on a regular basis in years. Now He sees Her almost every weekend and talks to Her almost everyday. He doesn't know if He should make a move or leave Her alone. Why would She want to go out with some 18-year-old who should be away at college? When She could have someone She will see everyday at school. Does it make Him some pervert for wanting Her? No! He thinks. He knows what He wants, but doesn't know if He should go out and get it. The sound of thumping feet on the wooden steps breaks Him from His trance like state. Now He knows exactly what He's gonna do.

She doesn't know what exactly to do, so She's just going to wait. She's going to wait for it to come to Her. For one of them to come to Her first.

"Hey, Kenzie!" The blonde haired boy from her memories calls.

She stops chewing Her pinkie."Yeah?" She asks as She takes off Her headphones.

"I was just wondering...if..." Looks like She may not be waiting for long. "you're not busy Saturday if you want to go out with me?" He shrugs His shoulders. "Just you and me."

"Like a date?" She smiles at the rarely seen shyness of the Boy.

"Yeah."

"Yeah, Kyle. I'd love to go." She smiles back at the Boy.