It's times like this when
I swear it's like I'm trapped inside myself or something
and I'm so far deep underwater that the sun's rays can't reach me even here
because all I can hear are the voices inside my head that
want nothing else than to see my downfall
and god,
I think they're succeeding because once again I'm spiraling
again into that place where you're never really sure
what's fact and what's fiction.

I can't count on my fingers
how many times I've smiled and tried to convince myself I meant it, or
how many times I've tried to get him out of my mind, or
how many times I've told myself that he wasn't ignoring me
(he just didn't-doesn't-can't see me)—
but in the end my efforts just barely crack the surface
because I'm left feeling completely and totally
h e l p l e s s.

It's times like this when
I swear it's like my life is slowly falling back into place
and the stars that used to be so far away are now just within my reach
because that lady told me she brought her little kid to the show
just so she could see my song
and I just might be doing well in school
and I made the whole class laugh the other daywho knew I was funny?
and she said that I've actually helped her
(and he stopped to talk to me in the hallway)
and I'm left feeling like
for once I've done something right.

When we hung out yesterday you held my face in your hands and told me you loved me.

We crossed paths in the hallway today
and just before that cheerful hey! could slip past my lips,
you walked right past me

a/n: another helping of teenage angst-- sorry if none of this makes sense. :P