Pretending

by K's Moonshadow

Pretending
It is what I do
How I live
I am an actress
Portraying someone for
All the people to see
Sometimes it is on stage
In front of an audience
Sometimes it is outside
In front of the whole world

Pretending
It is what I do
How I live
I am a girl
Whose life is simple
Loving her family
Flitting through space
Here, there and everywhere
Showering the universe
With her kisses of joy

Pretending
It is what I do
How I live
I am a woman
Whose life is free
Filling her days with
Classes, music, acting
Work, church, friends
Social butterfly to the max
Mocking stress with her success

Pretending
It is what I do
How I live
I am a person
Whose dreams run wild
Seeing only potential
And the positive side
Knowing no boundaries
Except time and the
Inevitable burnout

Pretending
It is what I do
How I live
I am whoever
I want you to see
I am whoever
You want me to be:
Good, fun, loving, faithful
Anything except those things
I always fear that I am

Pretending
It is what I do
How I live
I am a girl (woman?)
With nightmares for memories
Who lies for survival
With scars for arms and
Repressed anger for a stomach
A heart full of endless tears
And emptiness for a soul

Pretending
It is what I do
How I live
I am an actress
Pretending like I always do
Pretending nothing hurts
Pretending I don't care
Pretending it doesn't matter
Pretending I'm not lost
Pretending I have no needs, no desires

Pretending I am not afraid
Pretending it will all work out
Pretending no one has to know
Pretending I am fine
Pretending I am good enough
Pretending it's all worth living for
Pretending I am not desperate for love
Pretending IT does not call for me
Pretending, pretending
Pretending so hard that everything's ok...