Feb 10-09, 5:45 pm

Time of the Hungry Girl and Good Smelling Dinner.

*got a math test tomorrow

*forgot homework today

*found out another thing about my crush

*very hungry

I walked into Basic Ed today, and Mrs. Grace said, "Alright everybody, pull out your vocab Illustrations and exchange with your partner."

I dug into my backpack, looking for the thin silver spirals that are my vocab book. I accidentally pulled out my IN, and that's when I started thinking, "crap, where is it?" I sifted through my backpack a couple more times, but to no avail. Now, I was kinda freaking out. I'm an Asian Fail person, but it's not like I totally freak out if I get a "B."

So I had to sign in to the book and I didn't get any points for it, but whatever. And it turns out that I left it at home, but I did it. Gah! Ok, moving on.

***

When I first heard of G, last school year:

One of the guys at my table at Cuyamaca yelled across the room, "Hey, Garret! Gina likes you!" I glanced over at where he was yelling and saw a really cute guy with ear length blond hair and beautiful blue-green eyes. He yelled back, "I know!"

I didn't even think of him again until seventh grade when I found of that he was in a couple of my classes. The first time I really talked to him was when he came over and worked with Jason in front of us (me, Renee and Tara) in math. I'll try to go word for word here:

Jason turned to face us and said, "We have a lot of diversity here. There's Asian people and white people."

"I'm not Asian," I said, "I'm Pacific Islander."

"Don't you hate it when people say they're Asian, but are Pacific Islander?" G asked.

"Yeah, it pisses me off," I replied.

"But Pacific Islanders are way better," he said.

"Oh, yeah," and we five-pounded. Sometimes I can still feel his hand. I know that's stupid girly stuff, and I'll get over him later. Just like I got over Jake.

***

Today in math we were playing a review game. It was that two people from each team had to go up to the board and work out a problem. G and someone else were up first, and I saw him grab the marker with his left hand.

Oh, my god, he's a lefty. Knowing that made me feel weird. I didn't expect him of all people to be left-handed. I know this is really stupid, but I felt like we belonged together because of that. Though it was just more surprise at finding out that he was like me. I didn't think that we had anything in common.

I feel like I have to tell somebody. Like, a real person.

God, I'm hungry.

Feb 11-09 5:45 pm

Time of the Steak

Ha, this is exactly the same time as last night.

Had a math test today. Watched the back of G's head. He's a jerk. Why? Read on…

***

Today

I saw him turned around and talking to Tara. Jealousy formed in the pit of my stomach, but I dismissed it. He really wasn't worth it. I found that out for sure today.

***

Tara walked up to me as I headed for my locker.

"Ugh, I want to switch out of all my classes!" She groaned.

"Why?"

"G keeps turning around and asking me out, like, jokingly and it's driving me insane!"

"I know! He is such a jerk!" I said, agreeing, but I still like him.

"Yeah, and all his friends are asking me out, too. Jokingly, but still."

"Life's a bitch, huh," I said.

And just then they started to walk past us. I should have glared at him, but I just ignored them. Tara continued:

"And all of them are in my classes, so I get it every period."

After that I went to my locker and left. I was really kind of jealous that he was asking Tara out, if only a joke. It's easier to pretend to hate someone then to actually admit to yourself that you like them.

***

I get this feeling in my stomach every time I sub-consciously think about him. It's like that nervous fluttery feeling that I get before I perform.

But this time, it hurts.

Febuary, Friday the 14, 7:50 am

Time of the Sigh

A dream:

I walked up to G and slipped my arm around his waist. He draped his arm over my shoulders.

***

A few days before

I stood up to go back to my seat as he was walking to his.

"Hey, Alexie," he said as he passed me.

"Hi," I replied.

***

I was kneeling on Renee's backpack, my elbows on her desk. I was helping her when I heard weird sounds coming from my left. I looked over and G was leaning down next to his desk, making a face, those noises, and staring straight at me. I half rolled my eyes and turned back to Renee.

***

Yesterday

"Ok, so I'm going to only say this and nothing more about it, because I feel like I have to tell somebody," I said.

"Do I get a question?" Jenny asked.

"A 'yes or no' one."

"Then can I have two?"

"No."

My crush is left handed, like me, I wrote. Jenny stared at me and I said, "It makes me feel fuzzy inside when I think about it."

"I'm going to think of a really good yes or no question."

"Ok."

Later…

"Does he go to our school?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any classes with him?"

"I said only one question!"

"Damn, I thought I could fool you."

Feb 15-09 5:30 pm

Time of the Sick

God, I feel miserable.

Yesterday

I was mingling with my friends at Sara and Jenny's birthday party. We were laughing and talking when I heard Tara say, "You know, Garret is totally gay?"

"What? Who?" I butted in, pretending to be confused, even though I knew exactly what she had said.

"Yeah!" Kelly continued, "okay, so we saw him at the movies, he was watching Confessions of a Shopaholic, and before the movie started, he yelled out, 'I love Hannah Montana!' "

The conversation changed, but while Kelly had been talking, I was growing jealous again. How dare they see him, and hear him, and not me? It's not fair, and I can't tell any of them because nothing good would come of it.

That birthday-month thing is right. I do get jealous easily.

***

I hate having this whole week off. I want to go back to school and see G. For some reason, I don't even have to talk to talk to him; just watching him with his friends is enough for me.

Its gonna be a long week.

And I'm sick.

Life's a bitch. The world needs a: = Exit Life. A place where people can go and just relax and not worry about anything at all. Like a spa, except you don't have to pay.

Feb 16-09 11:25 am

Time of the Aching Back

Nine times! Nine! I've dreamed about him nine times!

This never happened with Jake.

Feb 25-09 2:47 pm

Time of the Waiting Baby-Sitter

I was standing behind home plate, when I heard G say, "that girl." I glanced at the dugout where he was standing and he was looking at me. I quickly looked away.

***

I ran into math, late. Band let out late and Renee waited for me. We hurried to our seats, and Mrs. Trace never noticed.

Before class really got started, Tara asked me for a piece of paper, as usual. I gave her one, and as she sat down, G leaned back and mouthed at me, "I love you," four times. I didn't get what he was saying until the second one, and three emotions ran into my head. The first, He's so annoying. I know he doesn't mean it. the second, Holy crap, what if he really does! The third, Crap, I have to say something back!

So I hissed at him, "What the heck?!" and he waved his hand and said, "Just kidding." I rolled my eyes and turned away.

Two seconds later, Tara dashed over to my desk, but I wasn't paying attention to her because G had stood up and was coming over here, too. I watched him and he asked, "Can I have a piece of paper?"

"Yeah." I hauled up my binder and tore one out for him. He had walked away, so I shoved it at Tara. "Give it to him," I said, and Mrs. Trace started talking. I tuned her out and did the problems on the board.

***

This is my secret. No one else will know about me and him. The feeling is like a little bird I've found that's pulsing in my hand, warm and fluttering, and it belongs to no one else. But...

G can't really mean it, can he? I've caught him staring at me before, but I don't think he likes me.

I won't date him, anyways. He's kind of a jerk, and so popular. I mean, all the eighth graders know him well just because he's so good-looking. I don't have a chance. Not that I want one.

Ok, yeah, I do.