On Going Unnoticed

I'm seventeen years old and I find my self at a loss for words when people ask that common question. "What do you want to do with your life, Silvia. You're a junior in high school. I'm sure it's crossed your mind every once in a while."

Yeah if every once in a while means every stupid time some forty something asks me that moronic question. I mean what's the point of a complete stranger asking me what I want to do with my life. The way I see it, I'm still a kid. I've never experienced normal adolescent behavior and I don't intend on having it any time soon. My moronic brother does enough of that for us thank you very much. Don't get me wrong I love him to death but he just doesn't know how to use his brain yet. He's getting there though. Now my brother, there's someone who knows what he wants to do in life. He wants to be a lawyer. Its suits him perfectly. He can be quite sleazy when he wants to be. One of the many qualities that I love about him.

Both of us together are just lethal. We had gym class together last year; pure art form. It only works when we're together though which isn't often because he's kind of like a jock. One of the many qualities I hate about him. He could pick me up with one hand if he wanted to. He calls me his human tooth pick. I wish I could say he's exaggerating but he's not. I hate my body. I pretty much blame my flatchestedness and flatassedness on the reason why Freddy and I are so different. I also blame it on why I'm invisible where ever I seem to go.

"Silvia!" my government teacher's voice interrupted my train of thought.

"Yes, Mr. Seymour?"

He pointed to the board with an annoyed look on his face, "Do you mind answering the question that I just asked you."

I rolled my eyes, "Well obviously I wasn't paying attention. We could all see it so just repeat the question and save us all some time here." I smiled when I heard a hum of gasps through out the class and a few snickers. I hated my government teacher. He was such a waste of space and he was politically incorrect half the time, which was ironic for a government teacher.

He pointed to the door and I took his queue to leave his class room. This happened a lot in his class. No other teacher had a problem with me.

I sighed heavily as I entered my guidance counselor's office, signaling that I was in trouble yet again. I stopped short when I saw a boy turn around in my usual seat. I put my hands up apologizing and waited out side her office. Of course, I didn't know who the boy was. He was obviously a jock. I think I might have seen him at one of Freddy's parties but that was it. I didn't know many of the students in this school. I didn't see a point to it. I'd be leaving soon and I'd never see any of their faces again.

Finally, the boy came out. He turned in my direction, faked a smile, and nodded at me. I raised my eyebrows and nodded back in a smug way. He obviously didn't care enough to notice and walked on.

I yelled as I came into her office, "Miss Peters!"

She clapped her hands together and smiled at me. I was her favorite student here. "Hey there, Silvia."

I sat down in my warm seat. It always made me uncomfortable when a seat was warm because all I could imagine was someone else's butt sitting down in my chair. "Did you get his descriptive email yet?"

She made a hand motion signaling me to come stand over where she was reading the screen. "Yes. And it's quite a tale too"

"Oh god! What does it say?"

She showed me the email and I doubled over in laughter. He had a way of over exaggerating the events between us. "I'm telling you. He hates me because I'm a strong independent woman who has a mind of her own. One that doesn't praise the man and all that bologna. He knows that I'm a democrat! I know he does."

She shrugged and pushed me back to my chair. We were so comfortable around each other. She was one of my very few friends in this school. "Well he is pretty conservative. You had better watch it. I can't keep letting these visits slide. One of these days it's either going to be you or my job and you know which one I'll pick, right?"

I smiled innocently, "Me, of course."

She sighed and typed something down in her files. Probably excusing me. "So, do you know who that boy was, Sylvia?"

I shrugged, "No, why? Should I?"

She shook her head. "You guys just seem to have a lot in common. He was coming from Mr. Seymour's class also."

This caught my attention, "What do you mean?"

She frowned in confusion, "What do you mean, what do I mean?"

"That kid isn't in my class. He was probably from last period."

She looked at me as if I were on drugs. "Are you on any type of medication or happen to be recovering from amnesia?"


"Then how could you possibly not have noticed a boy whose been in you class for half of the school year. He's also in your creative writing class. Did you know that?"

I felt really stupid at this point and decided to go along with it, "Um yeah, sure. I've seen him a few times. I mean we're not in the same social circle so we don't really talk much"

She rolled her eyes and smiled, "After you came in he told me that you were in a couple of his classes. He said he figured you'd be next to come up here. That you always look like a zombie."

I was really upset that someone would call me a zombie. "That's because I'm thinking," I said defensively.

She shrugged nonchalantly, "He also said that you write cool stories. You should talk to him. I mean I can't tell you what's going on with him but he's really lonely right now. He just doesn't realize it yet."

I shrugged, "I don't talk to people. You know that."

"You talk to Catherine. And Freddy and me"

I wave my hand in the air dismissively, "Catherine's my best mate and Freddy's my brother."

She chuckled lightly, "Why do you feel inclined to talk like your British again?"

"Cause I watch BBC America way too much."

She nodded dramatically, "Right, well you can go back to class now. Don't forget what I said."

I picked up my book bag and muttered, "Yeah, whatever."

I sat at my usual spot under the big old willow tree at lunch time. Cat sat down next to me with her water and apple that she called a well balanced meal. I called it anorexia. Freddy waved at us from his lunch table. I just smiled and dug into my box of donuts that he got me this morning. Another thing that I loved about my bro was that he always some how knew when I was PMSing. I didn't know how to feel about this so I usually put the thought aside of how border line inappropriate it was.

I noticed the boy from the guidance office sitting at his table. I rolled my eyes remembering what miss Peters said about him needing a friend. Please if anyone needed a friend around here, it was I.

I nudged Catherine's arm. "What's that boy's name over there?"

She looked over at where I was pointing and stared back at me in bewilderment. "Are you serious?"

"Yes…" I said slowly.

Bits of apple flew out of her mouth as she spoke, and people called me improper. "He was in our creative writing group like five times… and you still don't know his name yet. Not to mention the fact that he's like the hottest guy in school next to your brother."

I made a gagging noise, "Ewe don't say that around me. So what's the kid's name?"

"Gabe Sanders. He's been in our class since the third grade and you still don't have any idea who I'm talking about, do you?"

I shrugged and took another bite out of my donut, "No I do not. The name doesn't even sound familiar… Cat?"

She looked up at me, "Hmm?"

"Am I completely disconnected from society?"

"I'm afraid so my friend. But you did this to your self, Silly." I hated that nickname. Only cat and Freddy could call me Silly.

I nodded not really caring, "Yeah I guess so. So have we decided on what the theme for the next dance is, yet? I need to get started on my dress and yours too."

She thought for a moment, "Um… I think we're deciding that today."

We were both on the dance committee as a way to stay away from the "street life" as our parents called it. It was the easiest thing to do that didn't involve thinking or physical labor. We were probably the laziest kids in our school. We had absolutely no motivation in life. We just wanted to get through high school alive.

When school was over, Cat and I went to one of the English classes where we always met up for our dance committee meetings. I picked the chair in the center of the group. Most of the members were polo-wearing preppies that I absolutely despised. They always seemed to be glaring at people like nobody else was good enough for their eyes. They only smiled when you smiled which I made a point of doing every five seconds during our meetings.

I suppressed a laugh as Sally's cold hard face turned into the fakest Prozac smile I've ever seen. She was president of the committee so she spoke first.

"Alright guys we're here to decide the theme of the dance. It needs to be good this time. The disco theme at the last dance was so lame."

I interrupted her, sarcasm dripping with every syllable, "I thought it was hoppin."

She glared at me, "Well I didn't, and since you've never really done anything for this group I think you should contribute to the ideas today. I know you have a brain under that mop of hair some where, Silvia."

I glared at her false smile. So what if my hair was a messy nest of curls all the time? At least I didn't look like a desperate house wife at the age of seventeen. "Well maybe if the theme was Malibu Barbie you'd actually enjoy it for once. Finally somewhere that you can fit in."

She sucked in a breath, making her face look hollow, "You did not just say that to me."

I put my hands up defensively, "Well you asked me to contribute. I'm just doing what you told me to do."

She banged her fist on the desk making every one jump. "I didn't ask you to insult me Silvia. That's just rude."

"Well pardon me for saying what's on my mind. I think the world could use some more truth sayers."

She shook her head, "Well let's hear it then. What else could we do? Seriously."

Something snapped in me that didn't happen too often. I actually felt bad for being so brutally honest. "Well maybe we could have a dance where people dress up as characters from plays and movies and stuff. When they get to the dance, whoever is dressed up as their soul mate they have to dance with them. It would be like fate matched them up."

They all stared at me. Crap that probably sounded so stupid and corny. The boy sitting next to me who I referred to as ADD boy nodded. "That's actually pretty brilliant, Silly."

I glared at him, "Don't call me that."

Toby nodded also, "Yeah he's right. That's so perfect."

Sally did not look happy, "Alright who votes on Silvia's plan?"

Pretty much every body voted for it. I smiled in spite of my self. It actually felt good to have their approval. I'd had this idea in my head for a while but I wasn't sure weather to pitch it to them or not.

After the meeting was over everyone grabbed their stuff and left. As I was picking my book bag off the floor, I found a leather bound journal on the shelf under my chair. I picked it up and squinted at the anomaly. People at my school didn't have journals. I was pretty sure they didn't have minds for that matter, so what was this cool leather journal with designs carved into it doing under my desk? I opened it up and on the front page was written 'On Going Unnoticed'. I understood at once that it was the title of a Robert Frost poem. I flipped to the next page and it was completely covered in words and doodles. It was a poem.

Who the hell is this chick? The whole journal was filled with poems and stories and random free writes. I was startled when I heard the door open. It was the boy from earlier. Crap and I already forgot his name. His mouth was open so wide I thought it would snap.

He just stared at me with this shocked face. "Umm… can I help you?"

He stumbled over his words and the finally shook his head. He breathed out hard and managed to get something coherent out, "What… what are you still doing here?"

I shrugged, "Oh I'm in the dance committee. Don't ask why though. My parents made me pick an extracurricular activity."

He couldn't keep his eyes off the book in my hands. "Right well… what's that you're reading there?"

"None of your business."

I put the book in my bag and got up to leave, but the stupid boy blocked my way out. God I hope he isn't one of those creeps who like to make moves on innocent little girls like myself. "So you're Freddy's little sister right?"

I nodded trying to get past him.

"Well I can give you a ride if you want. I can even carry your bag for you if it's too heavy."

I smiled at how determined this boy was. Though I wasn't sure what he was determined about. "I think I can handle it. And I'm pretty sure that Freddy's done basket ball practice by now and he's probably waiting for me. So step aside."

He sighed and stepped back into the hall way. He gave me one last look and dashed out of my sight. I shook my head. What a weird kid.