Hi! I know, it took forever to get this thing up, but hey, it's here. My excuses are real, though! My teacher kept giving me new things to be angry about, and then I had to add it... Oh well. One Anti-Math Teacher Rant, coming right up!

For those of you who don't know me, this the second in my series of rants. Enjoy! There are many more to come!


The American Heritage Dictionary defines "psychopath" as "A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse."

In my book, they are better known as Math teachers.

You see, my Math teacher is indeed a psychopath. In fact, he is so psycho that, at this rate, he will soon become homicidal.

I guess, due to the content of this rant, I will be his first target. What a shame that Mr. Loucks will lose such a devoted rant authoress.

Oops! Did I just say his actual name? Oh, my mistake. No, I am not afraid to write his name on the Internet. In fact, I will declare to the world the name of the king of verbal abuse: Mr. Gordon Loucks, everyone!

Oh, no applause? How sad.

Before I go any further in saying that he is crazy, dear reader, allow me to enlighten you with some background information (besides the established fact that he is, in fact, a psychopath).

Mr. Loucks teaches Geometry. No, that's a lie. He occasionally teaches Geometry. He spends most of his time lecturing us on various exhilarating topics including (but certainly not limited to) the following:

-The declining literacy statistics of Arizona schools

-How wonderful Obama is

-Car headlights

-Street signs

-Obama

-How much we suck

-How much Republicans suck

-Obama

-Random statistics of nonrelated things

Oh, and did I mention Obama? Please shoot me now. The teachers at my school are not exactly encouraged to discuss their political views with the students, but Mr. Loucks plows on ahead and never, ever stops. What Hope and Change, Hopeful Change, Changeful Hope, etc. have to do with Geometry is beyond me. I guess, since the both of them (Loucks and Obama, I mean) are on such lofty levels of intelligence, none of us down here can ever hope to understand.

(And, for the record, let me make a couple things perfectly clear:

1. Yes, I do hate Obama with a fiery passion

2. No, I am not racist

Sorry, I had to get that out there, just to be safe. You never know when liberals will leap from the shadows, wielding another victim story. But that's another rant for another time.)

As I was saying, Mr. Loucks generally does everything but teach Math. At the same time, he expects us all to get excellent grades in his class. Hey, man, far be it from me to tell you how to do your job. All I'm doing is telling you to actually do your job.

Do Math in Math class? Who ever heard of such a thing?

No, in his class, he not only drones on and on about the aforementioned nonrelated topics, but he also enjoys engaging in much verbal abuse. It's not like he swears like a sailor, but the quarters in the swear jar are overflowing. Still, it's not swearing that I refer to. It's more along the lines of mockery, belittlement, insults, and a general lack of realization that the creatures sitting in those desks are human beings.

Speaking of which, it was just yesterday that he referred to us as more stupid than his pet dog. This was prompted by the usual whining about us not taking notes on his lecture (which was essentially him repeating the same point over and over for a good thirty minutes). I was quite gleeful when he said that. I couldn't wait to inform my mother about his latest insult to our intelligence. Because of that and many past remarks, I have decided to write down all that flattery he so kindly bestows upon us lowly teenagers.

Oh, yes, Mr. Loucks; I take notes all right. Not about math, though. I am making note of everything. The pointless criticisms, the mockery, the contempt, and (of course) the daily intellect insult.

To add to his distaste for the younger generation, he has decided that we are not students after all. No, that is a HUGE misconception. Since we don't study (even if you have, you are required to agree that you haven't because he says so), we are not students. Well, gosh, who can argue with that logic?

Quite possibly one of the most famous blowouts of his was several weeks ago. I have taken to calling it the Smiling Incident-you'll see why in a minute. It all started with a random discarded Rockstar can and a Grandma's Cookies wrapper. The class tuned out his little rant about how kids need to stop trashing his classroom, since, to be perfectly honest, we really didn't care. It wasn't our class that put trash there, so why listen to the lecture? Unfortunately, Loucks (for once) noted the glazed looks, the ipods, the texting, the people falling asleep. This caused him to become more and more aggravated, making him rather resemble a small child throwing a tantrum. Sadly, none of us were conscious enough to realize what was happening until it was too late. His voice rose from a clipped tone to a bellow, and from there to a high pitch shriek. He then proceeded to whine and carry on about how we trash his room, steal things from his desk, don't take notes or do homework, and countless other offenses that were equally untrue. As this went on, Loucks' tone rose, and with it, our general amusement at his ridiculous rant. One freshman dared a smile, poor thing. That was the excuse that Loucks was waiting for. He pounced on the opportunity to roar at a specific person for a specific "offense". He marched right over to her and shouted

"YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE? DO YOU? DO YOU? WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE!!"

Please make note of the fact that that was a direct quote. I am being completely honest when I tell you that I am NOT exaggerating it. If anything, am not adequately expressing the real volume of his hollering. I'll put it this way: the class that was two full classrooms away heard him telling my poor friend that smiling was not allowed.

So, let us take stock of his logic, shall we?

-We are more stupid than dogs

-We are not students

-We are ignorant fools who are supposed to absorb knowledge by his very presence

-If we did something and he says we didn't, we didn't

-If we didn't do something and he says we did, we did

-He is always right

-Smiling is a hate crime

What is wrong with this picture, reader dearest?

You know, if I ever succeed in getting him fired, I might miss the anger he causes. That anger motivates me to write rants like this.

Hmm…Me missing Mr. Loucks…

Nah.