I yawn and try hard not to lay my head on my desk. My class wasn't boring, I was just really tired. All I want to do is to close my eyes and dream, dream of him. I want to dream about how things used to be and how they could have been.
We would have gotten together. He would have held my hand as we walked to our classes, kissed me just because he felt like it, and held me when I needed it. My family would have been disappointed about our relationship, but I wouldn't pay any attention to their complaining. When we would fight, I would forgive him five minutes later.
He would be the perfect gentleman, opening doors for me and respecting my values. He would take me on dates where we would have fun and get to know everything we could about each other. I would tell him all of my secrets, old or new, and he would do the same.
And then I wouldn't be able to keep my feelings in any longer. I would think about him often and want to finally tell him how much he really means to me. Every time I would see him, my heart would swell and I would chicken out, not wanting to ruin what we would have. But I wouldn't be able to handle it and I would have to tell him.
"I love you," I would blurt out.
He would be taken by surprise, not expecting me to say that at all. He would stare at me for a second or two as I would blush and avoid his gaze. And then he would kiss my temple.
"I love you, too," he would whisper back.
But this is only a dream. I don't really know how he would respond to my confession. I don't even know if we would have gotten together and he would have done all those things. And I would never know because I moved. I was scared and ran away. Now all I have are my dreams and memories. I'm not sure which hurts worse.