So I'm a girl-he's a guy. He's popular- I'm not. I love him- he doesn't seem to notice. When he actually does pay attention to me I end up spazing out. Why? Maybe it's because I'm so in love with him I can't tell my right foot from my left. Or maybe it's because I'm suddenly constantly thinking about my masked man who shocked me into love on one romantic dance. Or maybe it's even because he will be closer to me and my mom than I ever dreamt of. For all of the ways I'm crushing hard on them both and the only way it'll turn out good is if one of them either tells me he loves me or the other reveals himself to me and becomes the prince I've always wanted.
There he was sitting there pretending to study but probably just fantasizing about Gina. Just sitting there not knowing how much I thought about him, how much I dreamt about him, how much I obsessed over him every hour of every day.
Most girls wouldn't admit to an obsession but what else do you call thinking about him nonstop, starring at him any chance get, not to mention having wild fantasies about him during classes and when I go to bed.
Ever since I was 13 I had the worst crush on Josh, my former best friend, and I never really got over it.
It used to be just Josh, Erin, Austin, and me, Liz Green. That is until Josh became popular. You would think that the fact that you become the best player on the football team wouldn't change who your friends are, but it does.
You start hanging out with all of your "football buds", you start dating the hottest girls(pretty eyes, blonde hair, and a killer body), and you start ignoring anyone who is otherwise-even if they are your best friends.
Even if one of those best friends loved-no- loves you.
I sighed off the retching thoughts and logged off of the library computer tired of starring at Josh and not even catching his eyes once.
I got up and shuffled my papers around hoping that the noise would make him look up but all I got was an annoyed stare from Kiwi, Gina's best friend.
I found it funny how she was the person to notice me. I walked out of the library with my books close to my chest trying not to disturb anyone else.
I glanced over at him wishing he would look back at me but I already knew it wasn't going to happen so I continued out without looking back at my forever lasting crush.
I speed walked down the hall and was packing at my locker when Austin dropped his book bag down beside me and started entering his locker combination.
"Free period just isn't the same anymore."
He laughed. I looked up at him raising an eye brow.
"What do you want?"
"Let's go make out in room 310"
"What? Austin are you crazy?"
"No. But you know we won't get caught."
He was right.
Room 310 was an old abandoned room on the 3rd floor.
"Hey Liz can I sit In your seat please?" Erin yelled at me laughing. Austin was acting like an ass again and I guess she couldn't take it anymore so she wanted my seat. My seat, the seat I specially requested, from Erin just so I could have a view of Josh sitting by the fountain with the rest of his friends. Just so I could have a view of Gina stroking her sluttish hands through his hair.
I picked up my fries and headed into the cafeteria for a coke with Erin following me. She always was the type of friend who could tell when something was wrong even as hard as I tried to play it off. In a mysterious way I guess she's just one of those talented girls, perfect face, body and personality. Even though most guys consider me prettier than Erin I still feel jealous sometimes.
The worst part about this loveless high school life is that I am completely unnoticed. It's not that I am a bad person or anything I just don't try. If I wanted to I could be popular. I could be that girl sitting at the fountain stroking Josh's hair.
So why don't I?
As soon as we walked into the building I knew Erin was going to ask me if I was okay so I went on and answered the unasked question.
"Erin I'm okay"
"So is that why you never took your eyes off of Josh today?"
"No. Josh is-"Just then speaking of his name Josh bumped right into me. My change purse fell to the ground and a bunch of pennies and quarters rolled out.
"Damn I'm sorry" For the past few years I had been wishing he would talk to me and now tha he was I was rethinking my wish.
"Hey watch out!"He spat. I stood up collecting the rest of the spilled change.
"Jeez I said sorry calm the fuck down and stop acting like such an asshole."
Then something strange happened, he looked at me. Not a glance. Not a "you gross me out" stare, but really looked at me. Almost as though he was trying to see all of the pain he had caused and how things used to be, but I just guessed it was my imagination.
"oh, Liz I didn't know it was you "Josh said like we talked everyday or something.
"You didn't know it was me? Who did you think it was? Just another pathetic nobody who can't fit into you life, oh but wait that's all you think of me right?"
I know I ran out of there faster than I ever have leaving him with the whole cafeteria starring. Even though the fact that he was finally talking to me filled my heart with joy it didn't surpass the fact that he completely left it out cold. Every time I would call he would have Greg or someone tell me he didn't want o talk to an ugly slut like me. I mean I wasn't as gorgeous as his current size zero bleach blonde haired girlfriend Gina but its not like I as ugly. I had green eyes, dark black hair, and a size three waist. And as far as being a slut went I was still a virgin compared to Gina who would give up anything to anyone who came her way. The farthest thing I had done was make-out with Austin at a wild Fourth of July party last year.
"Oh my God Liz what is wrong with you? You completely star down Josh every chance you get wishing he would talk to you and when he finally does you go crazy. Are you okay?"
"I don't know. I don't know. I don't know!"
I stomped back to the table and finished my cold fries catching Josh's eye once or twice. Every time I caught his eye my heart sunk when I noticed that he actually looked sad.