13

SUPER HIGH

BY

ALEXANDRA C. SIMON

Cast of Characters

Adam, 28 years old; bitter and insecure superhero high school dropout.

Jillian, 28 years old; the former object of Adam's affection.

Glenn, 28 years old; Adam's equally geeky friend.

Todd, 28 years old; former high school bully.

Classmate, 28 years old; former classmate of Adam's and Glenn's.


SCENE: A dance hall decked out in balloons, streamers, typical party decorations. A banner reads "WELCOME BACK CLASS OF '98".

TIME: Early evening.

AT RISE: ADAM and GLENN stand by the refreshments. ADAM is wearing a red shirt and blue tights (he has a sock stuck to the back of his shirt) and GLENN is wearing a green shirt and tights. They're drinking from red plastic cups and surveying the "scene".

ADAM

So, have you seen her yet?

GLENN

Who?

ADAM

(Scans the crowd.)

Jillian.

GLENN

(Looks around, shakes his head.)

Maybe she's not coming.

ADAM

Don't be stupid, Glenn. Jillian wouldn't miss our ten year reunion.

GLENN

She probably has better things to do. Like Todd Whitmire.

ADAM

Don't mention that name in my presence.

GLENN

What name, Todd Whitmire?

ADAM

Cut it out, Glenn.

GLENN

Oh, come on, it's only been ten years.

ADAM

Todd Whitmire ruined my—

CLASSMATE

(Dressed in a black mask and cape ;walks past ADAM and GLENN and waves to them.)

Hey, fellas. How's it goin'?

ADAM

Hey, Steve. Pretty good.

(Waits until classmate is gone.)

—Todd ruined my life. I can't just let that go.

GLENN

You still haven't gotten over that?

ADAM

One usually doesn't get over the ruining of one's life.

GLENN

I don't even remember what happened.

ADAM

How could you not remember what happened? It was in the class bulletin.

GLENN

Oh yeah.

(Reflective pause.)

Still don't remember.

ADAM

(Glances about. Leans in and whispers loudly.)

Todd wrote that stupid story that got me kicked out of the program.

GLENN

You really shouldn't blame Todd for your career reassignment. Some people just aren't meant to be public servants.

ADAM

I can't believe you're defending that jackass.

GLENN

I'm not defending him. I'm just saying—maybe you weren't cut out to be a superhero.

ADAM

It's not like Todd's superpower was anything to write home about either. What practical use could x-ray vision possibly serve?

GLENN

It's x-ray vision. Who cares if it's practical?

ADAM

Jesus. I never understood what Jillian saw in that guy. He was such a dick.

GLENN

Remember that time he gave me a swirlie?

ADAM

Yeah, commencement. That was harsh.

GLENN

It took me a while to get over it—but I did get over it.

ADAM

How'd you manage that?

GLENN

Extensive therapy.

ADAM

(Awkward.)

Oh.

GLENN

Oh look, Adam! It's Jillian! Hey, Jillian!

(Waves to her.)

(JILLIAN enters and spots GLENN and ADAM. She heads in their direction.)

ADAM

Oh my god, Glenn. How's my hair? Do you have a mirror? Why aren't you carrying a mirror?

GLENN

Well, it's too late for that now.

ADAM

That bad?

GLENN

Shut up. Here she comes.

(Straightens his posture. Spots the sock on the back of ADAM'S shirt and pulls it off, hiding it behind his back.)

Hi!

ADAM

(Casually.)

Hey, Jillian.

JILLIAN

(JILLIAN is dressed in a black catsuit and mask.)

Have you seen Todd?

ADAM

(Deflates.)

Not since he stuffed me in a garbage can and I ended up at the landfill. Ha ha!

JILLIAN

Darn. He seems to have wandered off again. We're in charge of the games.

GLENN

Looking good, Jillian.

(ADAM hits him in the shoulder.)

The whole panther thing really works for you.

JILLIAN

Thanks, Glenn.

(Looks at ADAM and GLENN as if for the first time.)

What have you two been up to since graduation?

GLENN

I'm between jobs—

ADAM

He's unemployed.

GLENN

I'm between jobs. It's been so hard finding steady work, you know? I was thinking of moving out to California, actually, trying my hand at acting.

JILLIAN

Oh, that's so cool, Glenn! What about you, Adam?

(Takes on a sympathetic, almost condescending tone.)

I heard you were career reassigned.

ADAM

I wasn't career reassigned! Who told you that?

JILLIAN

It was in the class bulletin.

(Opens her purse and pulls out a folded bulletin. She shows it to ADAM.)

Todd did a whole write-up on it.

ADAM

You've got to be kidding me.

(Grabs the class bulletin and scans it. Stabs at it with his finger.)

I knew he was behind this!

JILLIAN

It wasn't so bad.

ADAM

I was the laughingstock of the entire school. The only one who was reassigned, out of a graduating class of 156! Even Glenn graduated!

GLENN

Hey!

ADAM

No offense, dude. But you were even worse off than I was.

GLENN

You were Static Electricity Boy.

ADAM

That was a helluva lot cooler than Frog Boy, the boy who communicates with frogs.

GLENN

You never know when communicating with frogs might come in handy!

ADAM

When, during the big frog invasion?

GLENN

Maybe!

JILLIAN

Boys, settle down.

(ADAM and GLENN appear chastened.)

ADAM

(Sheepish.)

Sorry, Glenn.

GLENN

's okay.

JILLIAN

(To ADAM.)

Have you honestly been stewing over this for the last ten years?

ADAM

Yes, I have! I didn't graduate because Todd wrote that stupid article about me, and how (ADAM makes airquotes) "static electricity was no way to make a living". I'm going to make Principal Lee give me my diploma if it's the last thing I do.

GLENN

You can't be serious, Adam.

ADAM

Why wouldn't I be?

GLENN

Because Principal Lee's been dead for three years.

JILLIAN

It was in the class bulletin.

ADAM

Dammit.

(Couple beats. Lightbulb moment.)

Did the necromancer show up?

GLENN

You're not seriously thinking of bringing the principal back from the dead, are you?

ADAM

I've more than earned it. I've waited ten years for this. I'm not going to let it slip from my grasp again.

GLENN

(Beat. Shakes his head.)

God, you're neurotic.

JILLIAN

So you got reassigned, big deal. You weren't the laughingstock of the school. Actually, I always thought you were pretty cool.

ADAM

Really?

JILLIAN

Yeah! I always saw you doing your own thing, regardless of what everybody else thought, and wished I was more like you. Plus, I thought the Static Electricity Boy thing was kind of cute.

ADAM

Wow. I had no idea. I always figured everyone thought I was just some—geek.

JILLIAN

Well, we did think you were a geek. But that doesn't mean we didn't like you!

ADAM

Then how come I never had any friends?

JILLIAN

Well, you never really acted like you wanted to be our friend. Oh, I think I see Todd. I'll be right back, guys!

(JILLIAN hurries off.)

ADAM

God, I'm such a loser. I don't know what I was thinking. Like I ever had a chance with her.

GLENN

Dude, just think about it—Todd Whitmire's sloppy seconds.

ADAM

Ew. Don't be crass, Glenn.

GLENN

Just calling it like I see it.

(TODD ambles over to the refreshment table. The years have not been kind to ADAM'S and GLENN'S former bully. He is wearing a black costume that is two sizes too small for him, and looks disheveled.)

TODD

(Studies ADAM hard.)

Aaron, right? Aaron Hill?

ADAM

Exactly! Except, not really. It's Adam Hall.

TODD

Oh, right. Adam. The dropout.

ADAM

I did not drop out!

TODD

Oh, yeah, you got career reassigned. Same thing.

ADAM

The school said all I was good for was being a freaking sidekick because of your article! Like Robin or Jimmy Olsen! Some other asshole's second-hand man!

TODD

I coulda sworn you dropped out.

ADAM

Well, you heard wrong!

TODD

I guess some people just aren't made out to be superheroes.

ADAM

I was more than made out to be a damn superhero. If it wasn't for your article I could've graduated with everybody else!

TODD

Dude, that was ten years ago.

ADAM

(Eyes TODD skeptically.)

What have you done the last ten years?

TODD

Turns out x-ray vision is pretty handy if you wanna see through girls' clothes, but not so handy in the real world.

ADAM

What do you do, then?

TODD

I'm between jobs.

(ADAM and GLENN share knowing looks. TODD nods to GLENN.)

Glenn, right?

GLENN

(Flattered TODD remembered his name.)

Yeah, that's right!

TODD

Your sister still hot?

GLENN

Uh, I guess. Why?

TODD

Give her my card.

(Pulls out business cards and hands them to GLENN and ADAM.)

ADAM

Aren't you with Jillian?

TODD

Nah. We broke up years ago.

ADAM

Wow, what happened?

TODD

She caught me in the supply closet with Ms. Carter.

ADAM

The math teacher?

TODD

She was hot.

ADAM

Sure, for a senior citizen.

GLENN

Also, wasn't she, like, sixty-years-old.

TODD

She was only fifty-two.

ADAM

I can't believe you messed around on Jillian with that.

TODD

(Filling his plate with pastries.)

Like I said, she was hot. Total TILF.

GLENN

TILF?

TODD

Teacher I'd like to—

(TODD makes vulgar hip-pumping motions.)

GLENN

Oh.

TODD

(To ADAM.)

Jill always liked you for some reason. I could never understand it. I mean, you were such a geek.

ADAM

She liked me?

TODD

Yeah. Kinda the reason we broke up. Besides the whole cheating on her with Ms. Carter thing.

ADAM

Wow. I had no idea.

TODD

Well, whatever. I figured I was better off, you know? Chicks were just bustin' down the door anyway, wasn't like I needed—

(ADAM walks off mid-sentence.)

Where's he goin'?

GLENN

Looks like he's going over to talk with Jillian.

TODD

Wanna get some real drinks?

(Gestures to red plastic cups.)

GLENN

Sure, let's go.

(GLENN puts on green mask; TODD puts on gold one.)

(TODD and GLENN exit.)

BLACKOUT