The Curious Case of Melanie Whitney, a humor fiction

No day can ever be considered normal in the town of Normalcy, Indiana. Things generally are not what they seem. This is the story of Christina Wren and her boyfriend Martin Belkin. Actually, this is the story of a girl named Melanie Whitney, with Christina and Martin simply playing a secondary part.

The story begins with Christina and Wren, seniors at Normalcy High School. They've been dating for at least a year. Most people stop counting after that. An abnormal day at Normalcy High School was one in which the abnormal did not appear, and it was a chilly Tuesday in March in which that day came.

They were in their final class of the day: English. There was a substitute teacher, which generally led to the abnormal, but she behaved as any substitute would: she sat back and pretty much ignored the class. Martin and Christina gave each other looks, as if they were expecting an oddity to come. There wasn't one, or at least they didn't expect it to come in the form of Melanie Whitney.

She was seated across from them (The room was arranged in tables rather than desks). She was looking at them both, more intently than usual. She stood up and moved her chair in between them. "Martin," she began. "I really like your shirt today. It really brings out your eyes."

"Thanks for noticing," Martin said with a noticeable reprehension in his voice.

"Are the shoes new? They look new."

"They're not, but I did clean them," he replied, still reprehensive.

"They look new."

"Excuse me," Christina interjected. "I think this was kind of my conversation."

"I didn't mean to exclude you," she apologized. "I noticed you dyed your hair red. It's really pretty. I nominated you for "Best Hair." I really hope you win. You have really beautiful hair." Melanie stood up behind Christina and began to play with her hair. Christina looked at Martin and raised an eyebrow. All he could do was shrug as he left. That was when the bell rung and Melanie was among the first ones to leave.

Martin and Christina looked at each other. The oddity had finally befallen them. They didn't know what to say for a few second until they said the same thing at the same time. "I think Melanie Whitney has a crush on me."

They continued to look at each other and smile. "Harmless little crush," Martin continued. "It's nothing to worry about.

She let out a chuckle. "Yeah. Besides, she clearly likes me more than you and I can handle myself better so I don't think we have anything to worry about."

Suddenly, Martin wasn't smiling anymore. "Did you even see how she talked to me? Clearly, she has the larger crush on me."

"She was playing with my hair, Martin," she replied. "It's obvious."

"We have to settle this," Martin suggested. "How are we going to settle this?"

They sat in silence. They couldn't figure out how to solve the problem, and the continued to rack their brain for many more minutes. Another voice entered the fray, that of the substitute teacher's, a voice that didn't seem caring in the least. "This may not be any of my business, but if you don't figure something out you're going to stay here, which means I have to stay here, and I really don't want to stay here. So here's my idea: You both put a note in her locker before she leaves asking her to meet with you privately. Here's the kicker: it's at the same time, but at different places. You'll find out which one she likes better by which place she goes to. Deal?"

"Sounds good to me," Christine said as Martin nodded. "Now we just have to figure out the locations."

The sub groaned. "Ugh! You! McDonald's! You! Taco Bell! Both of you! Out of the classroom!" She was almost throwing them out before storming off in the opposite direction. Melanie was at a club meeting, so they had thirty minutes to write the notes and place them in the locker before she left for home.

Martin and Christina were at the library, composing the perfect letter. They sat at opposite ends of the table with a piece of notebook paper and a writing utensil. He had a pencil and she had a gel pen. "Wait," he complained. "We have to make this fair. She might be won over by the gel pen. Use a pencil." Christina was not in agreement with his logic, but took a pencil anyways. They had their letters finished. They agreed to use the same template for the letter:

Meet me at 8:00 at (Insert fast food joint here).

(Name)

At her locker, Christina put hers in first. Martin handed his over for her to slide it in, but she didn't. Instead, she read it, and she didn't like it:

Meet me at 8:00 at Taco Bell, baby

Martin

"What is this?" she asked. "This is not what we agreed upon. We had a template! You can't just deviate from the template! The word 'baby' might give you an edge. You're skewing the data of this experiment!"

"I had to," he said as he snatched the note back. "If Melanie Whitney saw the notes had the same template, she'd figure it out. But if she really likes you more, it won't matter, right?" He smiled and slipped the note into the locker. "I have to go. See you later?"

"See ya," she said, giving him a kiss. Martin walked off around the corner. Christina pretended to walk around the opposite corner, but came right back after Martin had left. She returned to the locker and opened it, remembering the combination from when Melanie had given it to her to retrieve a book for her. She grabbed her note and made a few corrections before locking it back up and leaving.

She had the sudden urge of excitement, and she had to share it. She took out her cell phone and texted Martin:

Good luck!

Christina left, and Martin turned right back to the locker as soon as he received the message. He took out a paper clip and popped out the lock, a skill he learned from his brother. He read Christina's new note:

Meet me at 8:00 at McDonald's. I love you.

Christina

"Bitch!" he yelled to himself in the empty hallway. Martin grabbed his own note and made a few correction of his own fore texting his girlfriend back:

You too!

In only a few minutes, Christina Wren was back at the locker to read Martin's new note:

I've realized my feelings for you are greater than that for Christina. I can't live with out you! Meet me at 8:00 at Taco Bell, baby.

Martin

Christina augmented her note and texted Martin:

I'm not done yet!

He was back, and he read her note:

Meet me at 8:00 at McDonald's. I love you. Martin hates you.

Christina

Christina didn't even need a text to know that Martin had changed his own and she was back to read his:

I've realized my feelings for you are greater than that for Christina. I can't live with out you! Meet me at 8:00 at Taco Bell, baby. Also, Christina has herpes.

Martin

The pattern continued, and now Martin was back to read Christina's new note:

Meet me at 8:00 at McDonald's. I love you. Martin hates you. Also, I got shot and I'm dying in 24 hours.

Christina

Christina read Martin's new note:

I've realized my feelings for you are greater than that for Christina. I can't live with out you! Meet me at 8:00 at Taco Bell, baby. Also, Christina has herpes and she's an alien bent of world domination.

Martin

Martin read Christina's:

Meet me at 8:00 at McDonald's. I love you. Martin hates you. Also, I got shot and I'm dying in 24 hours. Also, having sex with me give you superpowers.

Christina

Christina read Martin's:

Martin

Martin read Christina's:

Meet me at 8:00 at McDonald's. I love you. Martin hates you. Also, I got shot and I'm dying in 24 hours. Also, having sex with me give you superpowers. If you do not meet me, that thing from I Am Legend will happen and you will not be Will Smith.

Christina

Martin returned to read Christina's just as she returned. They stood at opposite ends of the hallway. He looked at the clock on the wall. 3:00. They both ran to the window to see Melanie Whitney entering her car and leaving. "Now we wait," Martin said as they departed.

It was 8:00. Christina was dutifully at McDonald's and Martin was at Taco Bell. They spoke to each other over the phone as they waited.

"I surprised you made it," he said. "You know, what with the bullet wound and everything. Frankly, I should be home preparing for the apocalypse just in case I'm not as lucky as Will Smith."

"The herpes offset the bullet wounds," Christina said with a smile that he couldn't see. "Besides, my alien race is immune to your primitive weaponry and diseases and I'm actually paying in cash."

"Low blow." The kept going back and forth until 9:00 rolled around. At 10:00, Martin gave up and went home. Christina fell asleep and was not woken up until the next morning by the employees.

They arrived at school. Something must have prevented Melanie Whitney from coming. They first thing they did together upon arrival was finding Melanie in the band room with her clarinet. "Hey guys," she said. "How's it going?" They had despondent looks on their faces.

"That's all you're going to say?" Christina said. "After everything you read, that's all you're going to say?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The notes!"

"What notes?"

"Did you go to your locker after your club meeting?"

"No," she said with a jolly shake of her head. "The meeting was moved the cafeteria, so I figured I'd get my stuff before the meeting so I wouldn't have to walk back up the stairs again. Why?"

The couple looked at each other before dashing off. In the town of Normalcy, Indiana, not much is certain, but this is. This competition is not over.