It's Not Just Nostalgia

I smile to myself. Everything's turning out just great. I bring the wine glass to my lips and take a sip – it's filled only with orange juice, but it does kind of make me feel sophisticated, and if anyone asks...I'm drinking orange vodka. I usually drink apple juice, and say it's beer. But today my mum's all out of apple juice.

I catch the sparkle of my bracelet in the sunlight as I bring the glass back away from my lips and hear the front door open and swing close, and foot steps come after me. I look over my shoulder, expecting my boyfriend Landon – but instead being faced with my best friend, Leonard.

I frown. He's going to mention my announcement at dinner. I know he is. I felt that intense gaze of his burning a hole right through the side of my head at dinner, and I saw his fists whiten and clench from the corner of my eye.

He's not happy with me.

I turn around, far be it from me to avoid one of Leonard's lectures – they usually amuse me quite a bit. I smile friendly at him and give him a little wave, "Hey Lenny, we haven't had time to talk all day have we?"

"I'm sure that has nothing to do with you running the other direction every time I tried." He says and I stare back at him, not giving an inch. He sighs and brings a hand through his short black hair. Lenny gives me a look. "Why are avoiding me Violet?"

I look away and shrug, now having to force the smile to my lips. "I'll be honest Len; my boyfriend doesn't seem to like me hanging around you."

I sneak a glace at Leonard. He blinks at me and then his facial expression changes to one of loathing.

I can't lie. There's something between Lenny and I. Something involving my having the hots for him. Something that my boyfriend knows all about. Because I accidentally blurted it out when I was mad at him.

"Well," he says, roughly, "I don't like you hanging around him."

I look away again and try to keep the look of delight from creeping onto my face. He doesn't like me hanging around my boyfriend? But why?

"Because he's a boring git." Lenny laughs and I look back to him, noticing the lack of anger in his voice anymore. He grins. "I congratulate you on your decision to move in with him. You're going to have a ball I know it."

I force a smile to my lips and take another sip of my orange juice, "Oh yeah, a ball, definitely..." and look away, walking past him and back into the house, a disturbing feeling settling into my stomach.

It's okay. I don't like Lenny like that – I just, you know, think he's good looking. It's Landon I really love. Landon is very smart, sweet...very quiet, though. I like him. I love him. I'm in love with him.

Not with Leonard.

That'd be silly. I take another sip as the door closes behind me, but if I'd looked back I'd have seen Lenny looking after me, his expression crestfallen.

But I didn't.

I walk down the streets, looking at my feet and trying to ignore the heavy feeling in my chest. I find myself doing this a lot now. Which is strange, because I'm normally kind of well – not depressed.

I let out a sigh and lift my chin up, looking around at the stores. Maybe buying something will make me feel a little better. I spot a sports store and a ballet store, right next to each other and smile at the irony.

On one side, there's the ballet store, something which Landon thinks I really like – assuming so from the fact that I did it a little when I was a kid and my mum showed him the pictures of it. I kind of lead him on a little, too.

On the other side is the sports store, and man, do I love sports. Not competing. I can't stand the athletes in my town – all so stuck up and mean. I don't think they know the term 'good sportsmanship' let alone show it.

I bite my lip...I could continue the illusion and buy a pair of ballet flats but that wouldn't necessarily make me feel any better. I head, without a second thought, towards and into the sports store, a big grin on my face.

...

When I spot Lenny picking up a pair of sneakers and turning them over for the size.

I stop, and I gulp. I'm about to turn around and run the other way when he lifts his eyes from the shoe, catching my eyes and dropping it to the floor. "Violet."

I smile awkwardly and say with as much warmth as I can muster, "Lenny! It's been ages...it's been a week. That's too long man. That's a record for us."

He smiles back, sticking his hands into his pockets and leaning on the shoe shelves next to him. He tilts his head and looks at me for a while and I gulp, shifting my weight.

"It sure has been long, my little lady," he speaks softly before straightening and walking up to me in a slow swagger, stopping a couple of feet away and winking down at me, "what have you been doing with yourself?"

I shrug and he nudges me in the shoulder, and says, "Obviously nothing fun because I'm not around..." he winks down at me again.

"No," I say teasingly, laughing, "not at all; I've been packing."

Almost as soon as the words are out of my mouth I want to suck them back up and say something else. The 'p' word works magic and now he's all awkward with me again. I look at my feet and press my lips together, that deep, disturbing feeling settling in my stomach again.

"So," he clears his throat and I look up dolefully, "want to remedy that? The 'not hanging out' thing I mean. Not the packing thing."

The unsettling feeling shrinks a little and I find myself grinning. "I'd sure like to, Lennylenlen," I hold up my hand like when we were kids, feeling a little lame, "I promise."

He takes my hand in his own – something he doesn't do very often, and moves his hand right out of the way if it's by accident – and we kiss each others thumbs, spitting on the ground afterwards and straightening. I can still feel the tingles on my thumb and on my face where his thumb and face brushed against mine.

"Wow," he says with a laugh, running a hand through his hair, "that brings me back a bit. Makes me feel like when we were kids, and it was just you and me..."

Okay. Another awkward moment.

"Haha, yes, yes..." I say stiffly and look away, "so what about tomorrow, lunch or something? We could go to the new café, the one that's said to have prize winning hamburgers."

Yes; very awkward. I can feel his gaze on me. It's intense. I try not to gulp.

I look at him and grin, winking and feeling like I have to add, since he hasn't responded yet, "I'll be the one with the two massive chicken burgers."

"Two?" he echoes raising an eyebrow. I blink at him. He doesn't say anything, just stares at me. I clear my throat and look away again.

"Um, what do you think two will be too much for –" but I am interrupted.

"No, no, Violet; I am very disappointed in you, only two?" He shakes his head in disgust and then grins at me. "I'm going to have five; but beef burgers. I'm a real boy. And..." he narrows his eyes and looks down at me through his lashes, his eyes twinkling down at me, "...I'm going to beat you at video games at the new arcade afterwards."

I'm about to protest but by the time I open my mouth he's already speed-walking off to his car, leaving me wondering if we even set a time to meet up.

We didn't. We didn't set up a specific time to meet up; which is probably why I should blame myself when he pops up in the most inappropriate of times. I bet you're wondering what the most inappropriate of times is, right?

"So you are going to be packed and ready to go by Friday?" Landon wants to know, gesturing to the big pile of stuff in the corner of my room I haven't packed yet. I look over to it and sigh, looking at all the t shirts, books and other things cluttered there.

"Yeah I will get there..." I say wistfully, my stomach twisting painfully. I've been holding up packing things because, truth be told, it makes me feel kind of bad when I start to, and all those horrible feelings come to my stomach every time I think about it. Moving is hard. This place has a lot of memories.

Like the time instead of having a big birthday bash for my nineteenth – since I didn't feel like partying, as I'd been freshly dumped – Lenny and I sled down the stairs on my old boyfriend's mattress he'd sleep on when he came over, and we did that all night. We ate chips and chocolate and made each other absolutely sick with laughter.

I'm not kidding. He threw up in my sink, and I threw up all over his t shirt. But he didn't he even care. He just laughed, tossed it off, and continued going up and down with me in this blue singlet he'd had underneath.

I look over to my TV, still connected to the power point and not in the box I promised myself I'd put it in last night. I remember when we'd sit there, watching super model shows and bachelor meets woman of dreams shows – making fun of the bitchy, nasty girls that went on it, arguing with each other and idiotically gossiping on TV.

I put my fingers to my lips and refrain from laughing. I am brought out of my reverie when I'm poked in the shoulder by Landon, and hard. I look up at him, arching my eyebrows and rubbing my shoulder.

"Violet, are you really going to be ready? Because it doesn't look like you're anywhere near ready to go on Friday." He says stiffly, crossing his arms and giving me a sarcastic look. "I'm seriously starting to wonder whether you want to move in with me or not...and it hurts, Violet. It really does."

"I know, I know...it's just hard; you're not the one moving, leaving memories behind. I am." I point out not a little exasperated. He's been calling me up everyday, asking for updates. It's starting to feel like back in high school, when mum would be nagging me to get up and go to school. "So just give me a little time."

He looks at me, and blankly at that. "Memories, Violet, go with you wherever you go...if that's what you're worried about," he gives me a smile and a pat on the shoulder, "don't worry about it."

"If only it'd be that simple." I laugh and roll my eyes.

"It is." He tells me flatly and I look away. I don't know what to say back to him. He clearly just doesn't understand what it feels like; losing something that has a lot of meaning to him, like this apartment has to me.

The door bell rings. I perk up and go to it, eager to get away from Landon. I open the door and feel a smile immediately spread over my face, "Lenny!"

"Lenny? Has he been distracting you from your packing?" I instantly cringe, about to step out and close the door on Landon, who is fast approaching behind me, in kind of an attempt to shield Lenny from his outburst – but he's too quick for me. "You. You're the one monopolising my girlfriend's time!"

Lenny's eyebrows go up. Right up. I suck in my breath, my eyes darting from Lenny to Landon. I hope he doesn't say anything about my having the hots for Lenny. That'd just kill me. I'd be so humiliated. Not to mention Lenny will never want to speak to me again afterwards – he doesn't feel that way about me!

I start to close the door and look pleadingly at Lenny, begging him with my eyes to understand, "Can you just wait a second me and Landon need to have a little chat –"

Landon grabs the door handle and thrusts the door right open and stands in front of me, and in front of Lenny, too. Lenny looks down at him, not scared at all. He crosses his arms, his eyebrows still up, "Monopolising her time? I'm sure she can make her own decisions on who she spends her time with."

Landon just laughs, sarcastically at that, "Oh, right, like you couldn't persuade her even if she didn't want to spend –"

"No. I couldn't." He looks down at me and smiles, invoking even more anger in Landon. "I think she makes fine decisions by herself..." his smile widens and his gaze turns pointedly to Landon, "...with most things anyway."

Landon splutters and clenches his fists – and his face? It is going so red I'm afraid his head's going to explode. His lips are twitching, and his eyes narrow even further, "Get. Out."

Lenny just rolls his eyes and looks down at me again. "Methinks this is Violet's apartment, not yours. Violet, do you want me to go?"

"No." I say quickly. I want to go out to that café with him, and share ice cream with red cherries on the top and then beat him at all the video games in the new arcade – it really doesn't matter what I do; all I want to be is away from Landon and not away from him.

Landon stares back at me. I stare up at him. I can just feel the anger in his eyes, and it's burning bigger, and brighter – nearly about to erupt outside of him I'm sure, in the form of words. "Explain yourself."

I shrug and put on an innocent façade. "Explain myself? I'm going out with a friend, Landon, and I'll get the packing done before Friday, okay?"

He doesn't say anything, and he doesn't step out of my way either. He just stares at me coldly, not very lovingly at all. In fact; I don't think there's one bit of love in his eyes. But hey, he's angry at me. That's normal. Isn't it normal?

It has to be.

I sigh and smile at him, stepping up on my tiptoes and giving him a kiss on the cheek, "Okay?" I repeat and he looks away, gritting his teeth before turning around and smiling pleasantly at me. He raises his eyes to the heavens and opens up his arms.

"Okay," he says, and tugs me a little forcefully to him, bringing his lips down on mine for a big, smacking kiss. I kiss back, feeling a little weird, staring at him cross eyed. I look over his shoulder at Lenny, and my heart skips; he's scowling at Landon.

I kiss back with a little more force to judge his reaction; but he just looks away.

Landon's lips move from mine and he straightens and steps out of my way, bowing. "Have a pleasurable day, Violet." He nudges me forward and with a wink closes the door behind me, leaving me right in front of Lenny, who's smiling forcedly at me.

"Ready for that café?" I ask him and he shrugs a yes. I look down at his hand, as he looks in the other direction again, avoiding my gaze. I suck in my breath, quietly, and make a bold move; I grab his hand. "Let's go."

I walk on quickly in front of him, not looking back for fear of the wrong reaction – but heart pounding like mad, and stomach twisting in the best of ways.

I grin my face off and lead him down the stairs to the car.

Little do I know that behind me, he's grinning his face off too.

"Banana flavoured hamburger. Banana flavoured." He says, biting into his hamburger and not even trying to hide the face that he makes when it all hits his taste buds. He puts his burger down back on the plate and crosses his arms, staring at me. "Prize winning. I'll bet. They probably have their own category."

I look at my hamburger and blink, staring at its strange, yellow colour and trying to ignore my revulsion. I don't want to try it. It doesn't even look nice and it smells kind of funky. As you get when you put banana in with mince meat.

"It's not that bad. I'm sure it's not that bad." I say weakly.

Leonard cracks a sarcastic grin. "Say it enough and you'll believe it, Violet. Now eat up, don't want to waste your food."

I glare at him and he smirks back at me. I roll my eyes, "Fine, fine...I'll prove to you just how weak you really are – I bet it isn't as bad as you said."

I take a big bite out of the hamburger and start to chew, eyes wide, and face straight, trying not to let on. Trying not to let on that this is the most horrible thing I've ever tasted. I chew some more. Lenny eyes me curiously. I'm getting there, I'm getting there.

No, I feel my stomach protest, I'm not getting there.

I spit it out onto my plate and Lenny points at me, grinning wide, "Cheater! Swallow! Swallow!" I shake my head, look at the hamburger, shake my head again, and groan. He stares at me, laughing.

"Oh, I'm sure it's fine, it's not so bad." He taunts me with a wicked grin. "Atleast I swallowed the damn thing. But you spit it right out. You're a baby, Violet."

He shoves me playfully in the shoulder, and says it again, "Baby," he taps his fingers and waggles his eyebrows, "baby, baby, baby."

I raise my eyebrows and grin back at him. "Guess what?"

He leans back in his chair, and looks at me, smirking. He crosses his arms and says, his tone of voice just rubbing it all in my face and he knows it, "What?"

"Baby is going to beat your ass in the new arcade." I say and grab my wallet off of the table. His mouth widens and I shove my wallet into my pocket with a wink and start to walk out of the café. I smile as I hear quick, thundering foot steps come after me.

"Is that a challenge?" he demands, falling in step beside me and eyeing me. "Because if it is; I'm up for it. I'm going to beat you."

I dig in my pocket for my car keys and jingle them, "I'm shaking, Leonard. I'm shaking." I grin; slipping the keys out and approaching my car, pressing the button. My car lights flash in greeting and my keys are swiped out of my hand.

"I'll drive; you don't know where it is. And besides, I'm a much better driver."

I roll my eyes and follow him. He stops before my door, and opens it for me. I look up at him, eyebrows raised. "Being a gentlemen?"

"No." He says, picking his hat off the seat and straightening. He raises an eyebrow teasingly and spins the hat on his fingertip, turning to me and closing the door just to prove his point. "I'm getting my hat off the chair, making sure your big fat ass doesn't squash it."

I raise my hand to smack him one over the head, but he runs quickly over to the other side of the car. I roll my eyes and open the door for myself.

"You suck, you suck, you suck, you su-uuck!" I beat my fist on the machine and cross my arms, glaring at the screen. "I can't believe the machine let you win again."

He snorts and turns his head to me, "Let me win? Uh, V, this is pure talent, right here. Pure talent."

"On a plastic motorbike?" I laugh sarcastically, pointing to the thing he is sitting on and rolling my eyes. I look around; trying to find something he hasn't beaten me at yet. "Please, there's much better things I can beat you at like...like..."

"Like what? And don't diss the bike." He pats the bike tenderly and coos at it. "It's okay, don't let the mean girl hurt your feelings. You're a brilliant piece of arcade equipment, every blue and plastic inch of you. She's just jealous because she's no good."

I swing my leg over the bike and hop down from it, punching Lenny in the arm for his comments and swinging my head around, finding nothing that I'm going to be even close to beating him at. I do spot one of those things when you have to claw up the teddy and make it fall down the slot – and there's a really cool Spiderman stuffed toy in there.

"Violence isn't the answer V –"

I ignore Lenny's further attempts at irritating me and walk in a zombie-like fashion towards the arcade claw machine, fumbling for my wallet as I go. Lenny, cut off in the middle of his teasing, follows after me curiously.

I stop and slide in two dollars for four goes and grab the joystick. I'm going to win this one, even though it's not exactly a competition.

"Which one are you getting –"

"Shut up you're distracting me." I say absentmindedly as the game has started already and I don't want to miss out on any chance of getting that stuffed Spiderman. Lenny shuts up and just watches, arms cross as I concentrate – and fail miserably.

The claw goes back to the starting point and Lenny opens his mouth but I hold up a hand. "Shut up."

But I fail again. I watch the teddy bear (which I didn't even want, by the way) drop back into the pile of other teddies in disappoint, and fail again. I frown and go to check my wallet to see if I have more change, when I'm bumped aside by Lenny.

"Just let me do it." He says as if it's a chore and I bite back my indignation and step aside, watching and waiting for him to fail miserably, just like me. The claw starts to move en route to the Spiderman toy, and plucks it up easily. I don't get my hopes up. I mean, it did that for me on my second go, too.

But it hovers above the slot entrance, and drops right in.

My eyes widen excitedly as Lenny smirks and gives his fist a small pump, and his eyes turn to me. He's about to say something but – I interrupt him. I throw my arms around his shoulders and squeeze him tight in happiness. He stiffens in my arms.

Oh. No. I shouldn't have hugged him like that. I better let go.

"Thankyou," I say and am about to let go when he hugs me back. I feel my eyelashes flutter into his chest, as he's pretty much pulled me flush against him. I can't help but smile a giddy smile. I look up from my spot enveloped in his arms, and look at his eyes, which are shut tight.

I feel a horrible throbbing in my chest; I have to get home. I have to let go. I can't have him, and also have Landon. He doesn't want me hugging him like this, even if it feels so nice to me. I put my hands on his chest and gently break away.

Looking down at my feet I mutter quickly, "We better get going. Landon will be waiting and if we're gone too long he'll get mad at me..." I spin around quickly but he catches my wrist.

I feel my heart skip a beat, and look back hesitantly over my shoulder. He is looking at me seriously, and he opens his mouth. It stays open for a while – and then it closes. Lenny looks away and grabs the stuffed Spiderman out of the claw machine. "Here, let's not forget this."

We walk in silence back to the car, not looking at each other.

I push a box into my car boot, a box filled with all my little figurines; dragons, fairies, puppies and Pokemon alike are all mixed up in it. It's the first box to go into the boot; the first of many. I sigh heavily and close it, locking it with a button and then climbing my way back to my apartment, staring at my feet.

The bland grey carpet of my apartment stairs stares back at me. I'm going to miss this carpet. I hate it, the colour is awful. But I'm going to miss it so much. My fingers slide against the stair handrail and the handrail comes loose. I laugh a little melancholy. The stupid rails; one time they caused me to fall down the whole flight.

"There's a lot of stupid things I'm going to miss..." I mutter with another heavy sigh as I walk back through my apartment door – which is open already? I look up, startled, only to spot Leonard sprawled across my floor, looking at the ceiling. I blink.

"Am I one of those stupid things?" he wants to know.

I close the door behind me and stare at him. He looks so cute in his shorts and his black and white chequered tee; his big blue eyes crinkling as he lets out a sigh and pushes himself to his feet. I look away and he walks over and plants his hands on my shoulders. "I have to tell you something..."

I look up at him, and his blue eyes stare intensely back into mine. I hold back the blush that's threatening to spread against my cheeks and, "Yeah?" encouragingly at him. He bites his lip, and my eyes flicker down on them.

The sound of breathing is all I hear, and his lips draw closer to mine – until abruptly moving right away and out of my vision.

"I'm here to help you pack. That's what I'm here to tell you. Come on, kid. You've only one box in your car, right?" He teases, his voice kind of strangled, and turns away, starting to grab things off my floor and put them into boxes. "I think I'll bring my Ute by later so you can pack up your furniture if you'd like."

Clasping my hands together I look down at them; the atmosphere has changed, and suddenly everything's even more awkward than before. I know he feels it too, his movements are rigid, and I can see his adams apple bob as he swallows. But he's forcing himself to try and act natural.

Who cares anyway? I'm moving. It's too late. I need to let go of this purely physical fascination with my best friend and move on with my life. I'm moving on today. Him being here isn't helping me one bit. It's only making me feel less and less like packing.

I suck in my breath and make a decision; I have to tell him to get out, and that I don't need his help – and that we can't be around each other for a little while because I clearly can't stay around him and not want to kiss him senseless – and I have a boyfriend! One that isn't him.

"Lenny, if you came over to help; just go home, please. I don't need it. It's making it harder for me to move, and I don't know why," I sigh and look up at him, to see he's stopped doing what he's doing and his back is getting even more rigid by the second, "but you just can't be around when I'm trying to leave." Because it's making me not want to.

He doesn't move, and I sigh again, repeating myself. "Just go home."

I watch him, a big, tight knot in my stomach tightening painfully. I don't really want to tell him to leave. Not at all. But he just has to.

Lenny straightens from where he's bent over my stuff, and his fists clench. I watch as his head starts to droop and feel my heart skitter. My lips start to tremble and I bring my fingertips to them in horror. "Does he even know you?"

He speaks quietly and clearly.

Shrugging my shoulders bemusedly in a silent answer I watch him, my heart pitter pattering like mad.

Lenny turns around, his eyes on mine; they're cold.

"Does he even know you?" He wants to know, his voice edgy. I feel a catch in my throat when I attempt to speak and so I close my mouth again. Lenny's eyes flash at me, "Does he?"

"What do you mean?" I manage to say, trying to regain my composure and holding my head high. He steps closer and I, subconsciously, shrink back. "I don't know what you mean..."

Lenny's big brown eyes roll and he sticks his hands in his pockets, walking up closer to me as I walk further back; until I feel my back bump against the wall and he's standing over me, looking down at me piteously. Anger wells up inside of me, why is he looking at me like that? I'm moving, happily moving at that.

"What?" I demand, putting my hands on my hips and getting right in his face as he insists on doing to me. He doesn't back down though, oh no, it only seems to egg him on, and the anger in his eyes gets fiercer.

"Does Landon know that your famous lasagne is bought from a café down the street?" He asks randomly and I stare at him like he's crazy. I mean, why is he asking about lasagne, of all things to ask of? It's completely mental. "Does he know that when he first asked you out you freaked out and said you had to visit your grandma and visited me instead? Does he know that when you eat popcorn sometimes you like to dip it in chocolate and does he know you never drink alcohol?"

I let out a little sarcastic laugh. "So what if he doesn't know –"

"Does he know that you like sports and not ballet, and that when you feel sick chocolate milk always makes you feel better?" He continues, sounding somewhat hysterical compared to how he's acted throughout the years and years and years of my knowing him, and knowing him very well might I add. "Does he know what movies you like and does he get you stuffed animals from claw machines – does he freaking almost worship the ground you walk on and tell all his friends about you?"

I stare, open-mouthed at him, my arms slack at my sides, no words coming to my head aside from; oh my God. Because um, did he just say does he get you stuffed animals from claw machines? He most certainly did, and if you ask me, that's a fairly personal bit of input on his part.

Lenny's not saying this as if it's any old requisites for just having some girl for a girlfriend – he's saying what a boy should be like to me; what he's like to me. Requisites that no one else fulfils in the world – but him.

I blink at him, my heart flipping over in my chest, doing loop-de-loops and making me feel so dizzy I nearly slide down the wall and right onto my butt. Instead I say, just in case, "But no one does any of that stuff but you?" in a totally ditzy way I have to admit. But I have to know.

And I mean, worships the ground I walk on? Does he really do that? Does he really tell all of his friends about me? It's pretty unbelievable, the thought of him liking me at all – but liking me that much?

It excites me so much, the thought of it, that I realise; it's not just physical. I have to be the stupidest girl in the world not to have noticed my very own feelings, but it's true. I really, really do like him. I more than like him. I'm scared how much I more than like him.

I feel my breath go from my lungs and my heart does the craziest dance you can ever imagine, performing it right in my chest at an incredibly fast pace.

Lenny stares at me, breathing not unlike he's run a marathon; only he's just really, really angry with me instead. "Look I want you to be with who you want, okay?" he assures me, his anger diminishing as the seconds tick by, but his eyes still deadly intense, and focused right on my own. "But I want...I more than want..."

After mumbling something I don't hear under his breath he brings his hand to his eyes and scrunches them up. "Nevermind."

"Me?" I offer quietly, also in kind of a mumble. But a mumble he hears from the way his eyes bug and eyebrows rise. I swallow and we both look at each other. Lenny's eyes are pretty unreadable, and mine – I'm having a hard time not looking like I want to kiss him.

So instead of thinking about it and looking like I want to; I do it.

Lenny's already in front of me, so I just bring my hands up – hands that are shaking horribly from nervousness – and take his face in my hands, lower it forcefully to mine and place a chaste kiss upon his lips. I shut my eyes tight, waiting for a reaction, any kind of reaction.

When I get it. Oh boy, do I get it.

His hands land either side of my head and his lips kiss mine back sweet and tenderly, as gentle as you can get but with the passion burning brighter than that of a thousand devils in hell. Lenny's hands slip down the wall as he kisses, and upon reaching my waist they wrap around it.

"I love you," he whispers and my heart jumps. His lips part from mine and he backs up a bit, his arms still loosely around my waist. He looks right into my eyes. "I've loved you forever."

My face is going red and I can feel it. I play with the back of his hair as I smile nervously up at him, feeling my heart race inside my chest. Lenny grins and taps his fingers on my back, waiting for me to say it. Anxious for it.

I look down, and look back up, "I love you too," I say earnestly, my face burning even brighter, "but what are we going to do?"

Putting my hands to my eyes I say, with some disgruntlement, "I have a boyfriend, and I was supposed to be moving in with him, what am I going to do? What am I going to do, Lenny?" I put the hands down and look at him, my eyes sad.

"Do you want me?" he wants to know and I feel my heart tremor at his words. I don't look at him. Do I want him? Do I want him? Of course I do. I always have, and I always will. I've always been incredibly physically attracted to the boy. I've always loved him. Only much more than I even knew myself.

But I don't know what to do. I'm already practically engaged. I'm moving in with a boy – I have his bracelet around my wrist...

But I have Lenny's Spiderman on the pillow of my bed. I have his shirts in my drawers. I have his pictures all over the wall and I still haven't taken them off. I have his taste in my mouth and I have his touch on my heart. It's going to stay there, too. I just know it.

I slip my cell phone out of my pocket and punch Landon's home phone into it. The phone beeps, and pressing it to my ear; I wait. And wait. I shift my weight and look at Lenny, who is looking at me, hands in his pockets, serious look on his face.

Landon's mum is going to kill me. She's visiting this weekend, and I'm supposed to be well moved in...but I can't, not now. I finally hear some rustling, and someone that's not Landon speaks in a breathless, laughing tone, "Hello, this is Landon Ellison's lover, and who may I ask is speaking?"

"His girlfriend." I say in monotone, very much bemused.

"Oh shit." The guy curses and says to someone else in the room, phone still to his ear I'm assuming. Because he's whispering. And I can still hear him. "It's your girlfriend, isn't she supposed to be coming over this weekend to show your mum you're 'not gay'?"

My mouth drops and I hear more scuffling. Landon, from the other end, mutters a curse and there's even more scuffling, and the sound of a fist hitting something. I hear the other guy moan and Landon says, in panic, "Don't hang up it's not what it – oh forget it; I'm gay. But, please, my mum is going to kill me if she finds –"

I hang up. Lenny is looking at me curiously. Sliding my phone back in my pocket I stay silent, staring blankly back at Lenny. After a while my lips start to twitch, and my shoulders start to shake, "Lenny, I don't think we have to worry about him; he cheated on me."

Lenny's eyes grow wide with shock and then fill with rage. "I'm going to freaking pummel that little asshole, he is dead, he is so dead – he is worse than..." he stares at me and I bring my hands to my eyes, shaking, cheeks going red, "...are you laughing?"

I throw my head back in silent laughter, wheezes escaping me every couple of seconds, "Ye-yes, he – he..." I can't finish my sentences. I scrunch my eyes shut and let out another wheeze. I slide down the wall and let out another. I put my hands down from my head and crack open an eye, letting out yet another. Lenny stares at me like I'm a mad woman.

"He...cheated...on...me...with...a...boy!" I manage to get out. I mean, it's insulting when you find out your man's cheated on you with another girl. But a guy? I find it hilarious. High-larious! "A...a...freakin' boy!"

Lenny still doesn't look like he's going to laugh; he does sit down beside me though and grab one of my twitching hands. I let out a very loud snort and look at him, taking a deep breath, and grinning so wide my lips nearly crack. "Isn't it funny?"

His fingers slip through mine and he rolls his eyes, smiling softly. "Not really; I'm still going to beat him up. No one messes with my girl..."

I look at him, and my smile softens to match his. I think about all the times we've spent together, and all the times I've wanted to kiss him during those times together – and I think about all the wonderful times I'm going to be together with him and kiss him in the future.

I think about making one of those times now.

"I want a man who knows me well. I want a man who knows how to deal with me when I'm stubborn. I want a man who pretends my lasagne is really home made. I want a man like you, Lenny Lawry." I beam, my eyes twinkling, and finger tips reaching out and brushing his cheeks as I say it. He looks down at me, smiling sweetly. "I want you, and I want you to kiss me."

He takes my hands from his face in his, undoes the bracelet, tosses it to the floor and pulls me into his lap, "Sure thing, V," he says and his hands go around my waist, his eyes shut, and his lips land on mine.

I nearly die because of all the dizzy, nice feelings that totally consume me. Instead I do something smart; I kiss him back.

EhhhEHHHHHEhhhHHHEEEhhhhHH

Well I hope you like that. I'm writing another. I think there's going to be a punch on in it between the male and female main characters. I don't know if it'll happen though. I just thought it'd be something fun to put in but it's hard to put in a guy full on fighting with a girl without him seeming like a total asshole.

Let's see if I can manage it, and check out the trailer for "The Haunting in Connecticut" I think it's called. New horror. Has Cassidy from Veronica Mars in it! I love Veronica Mars! Cassidy is v. cute too, apart from the whole killing-raping-committing-suicide thing.

You know you love me,

Xoxo.

Ps. I HAVE A NEW COMPUTER! My daddy is making it right now. First time not having a hand me down one (though all hand me downs have been good) this one is MINE! All MINE.