I get on my bus home, same time as always, greet the driver - «Morning», validate my ticket and, while putting it away in my wallet, walk towards my usual seat by the window, taking a quick glance at the boy sitting in front.

I open my backpack, get my headphones out and push play.

I raise my eyes, and there he is.

I spend the whole 20 minutes of the ride staring at the soft skin on the nape of his neck, his straw-colored hair, imagining how it would feel to touch him, wishing I could do so.

Sometimes I wonder how can he not notice, but he's never turned his head or aknowledged me in any way.

It all started about two months ago. I was sitting in my usual seat by the window, the same one I am sitting at now, and I was listening to my music player and looking at the streets pass by, when I turned my head and saw him sitting in front of me. Without noticing, I kept looking at the back of his head and was so immersed in observing him that I was surprised by the bus halting at my stop, and had barely enough time to rush to the door and get off the bus.

I didn't give him or what happened any further thought, as I started walking home and thinking about my plans for the evening.

The next day, when I got on the bus, I didn't remember anything until I glanced his way while sitting and recognised him from the day before. So, when I took my seat and put the headphones on, I raised my eyes to stare at him for the whole ride, again without thinking. And I've been doing so since then.

Every day, for the whole ride home, he is everything that's on my mind. And every day, when I step off the bus, I start thinking about everything else, not remembering him until the next day when as I stand at the bus stop waiting I wonder 'Will he be there?'.

- o 0 O 0 o -

You know, there is this guy I've been seeing in the bus every day since school started – let me think, that makes it five months now – who caught my attention from the very first day. I don't know how to explain exactly what it is, but he seems very interesting and different.

It's not that I was stalking or spying on him from the rear seat of the bus. I usually spend most of the time I'm on the bus observing people. It's just a pastime of mine. It's funny how very few people actually notice me looking at them. Well, as I was saying, it's not that I spied on him, but somehow my eyes always ended up wandering towards him.

And it's not as if he's usually doing anything unusual. He usually just sits there (always in the same seat), looking through the window and listening to some kind of loud rock music. But he has this air around him that draws me to him. So one day I started to make up stories about what his life could be like. I do this a lot, just looking at people that I find interesting and wondering where are they coming from, where are they going, what their lives are like...

But with him I have to admit that it became a little of an obsession. He looks a little older than me, so I wondered if he was going to uni, to a job, maybe going back home, who does he live with, what does he like, apart from loud rock music, what does he carry every day in that backpack, why does he wait until he's seated to put on the headphones, what would he do if one day his seat was already occupied... So I started asking myself all these questions every day, and making up possible answers.

I remember one day I was so sure he was coming from uni, I started wondering what courses was he interested in, and then the very next day I would wonder how could I have thought he was a student, he didn't look like one at all.

So, if we ignore the almost-obsession part of it all, at least I could say I was never bored on my ride home, so at least something good came out of it.

But then I started wondering what would it be like to actually talk to him and that's where I drew the line. No way was I going to start a conversation with a stranger. This got me thinking about how he wasn't a complete stranger to me, I mean, I didn't know his name or anything, but I would recognise him everywhere, but he probably hadn't even ever looked my way.

So I made what I now consider a stupid decision, but at the moment thought was a «clever and subtle move». I told myself that the main reason he probably hadn't ever looked my way was that I usually sit all the way at the back of the bus, which usually gives me a good opportunity to observe others and remain unnoticed.

But since I wanted to be noticed, i decided to sit in front of him.

I wonder what did I expect, that he'd see me sitting there and get an irrepressible need to start a conversation with me?

So it's already been two months since I changed seats, and nothing's happened (what did I expect?). But I feel that returning to the back seat would be like giving up, and I would feel even more stupid than I do now (if that's possible?).

So now I can't people watch anymore, because I sit too much up front for that, so I have to sitck to looking through the window. Sometimes I wonder what he sees in it.