Love… (?)


It's a foolish thing to feel for someone who doesn't feel the same, but yet it still exists.

An uncontrollable and irrevocable emotion that consumes the heart and takes over.

What is it that you love about him?

It's his smile.

The way it reaches his eyes causing them to shine. Especially in the sunlight—golden-brown and bright.

The way my heart feels light and less burdened knowing that he is happy. His happiness seems more important to me rather than my own. Only then do I truly feel happy.

The way that just seeing him can instantly change my mood…

All I need is that smile and his hugs—Warm, strong arms embracing me in a loving hold—and I'm lost on cloud nine for what seems like forever.

Until reality hits and I realize that his heart longs and aches—not for me but for another…

But it's ok, I guess. It doesn't affect me…too much…

I put up with it. The pain, the rejection…the seeming impossibility of a relationship with him.

After so many years of this one sided affection I've learned to just accept the fact that this Love is not mutual.

I've been frustrated, annoyed, filled with hatred, and then sadness. Trying so hard to get over him and just STOP!—but it doesn't work…

The minute I decide to not like him anymore, the next day he swoons me with his smile, those eyes—the memory of our deep and tangled history together and how could I possible expect to simply not love him anymore?

There's no escaping my feelings for him. It's been so long it's become a part of me now…I'm far from being saved from this curse, I'm in too deep. Cursed with the inability to stop loving him…can love really be a curse?

What is love? I don't understand! If I were to be able to truly understand this word, this verb, would it be a little bit easier? Would "Love waits" make more sense to me?

So here I am…waiting…ok, does he love me yet? No? Well, I'm going to keep on loving him…I won't give up. It's his smile that keeps me going…for some reason I can't seem to give up on him…

Love…it makes us very foolish…I'm very foolish.