Once upon a time, there was a factory. This factory was run by a certain Mr. Newbury. Mr. Newbury's factory was beginning to sell the new, highly fashionable line of Edible Eddy's Esculents. Edible Eddy's were a popular treat among kids. They had Edible Pencil Sharpeners and Edible Paper to eat during recess; they had Edible Lightbulbs for exceptionally bright children; they had Edible Knitting Kits for old women who didn't like to leave the room during sewing circle. Edible Eddy's were quite the rage in London, and Mr. Newbury in particular thought very highly of them.

Now, Mr. Newbury had a daughter who was at the age of "I can't go to bed without a bedtime snack!" It was becoming quite an issue. Mr. and Mrs. Newbury didn't know what to feed her that wouldn't get her too riled up before bedtime. They tried milk, but Clara wanted juice. "Juice has too much sugar, dear," Mrs. Newbury soothed, giving her a glass of 100% Natural Spring Water. They tried apples, but Clara wanted caramel. "Caramel has too much sugar, dear," Mrs. Newbury said, and gave her a plate of carrots. They tried everything, but all she wanted was more-more-MORE sugar.

One night as Mrs. Newbury took out her sewing for the evening, Mr. Newbury's thoughts turned to Edible Eddy's. "Dear," he said, gazing thoughtfully into the fireplace, "what do you think of... edible fabric?" Mrs. Newbury looked sternly at Mr. Newbury. "What on earth made you say a thing like that, Roger? What good would edible fabric be? I don't think people are so desparate for food that they should start eating their clothes while out in public. It's simply not sanitary."

Mr. Newbury shook his head. "I don't mean for clothes, Amelia. I mean for something more along the lines of... bedsheets."

Mrs. Newbury's eyebrows shot up as comprehension sunk in. "Bedsheets, Roger?" she whispered hopefully. He turned to her with a smile on his face.

"Bedsheets, Amelia. Bedsheets."

The following morning, the enlightened couple sent a request to Mr. Eddy, to look into the matter. Two days later they received a reply.

Dear Mr. Newbury,

I fully understand your concern for the children in bed. I have always thought that bedtime snacks were highly overrated, and thus were cast out from the routine of my household. However, what you are suggesting is a safe, fairly sanitary way to apply the idea of such Bedtime Snacks to homes where children are spoiled with excesses of chocolates, sweets, donuts, ice cream, and all other manner of sugary feastings. Therefore, I shall take your advice concerning Edible Bedsheets (my advertisers have already come up with the catch phrase: Edible Bedsheets - Your Bedtime Recipe for Sweet Dreams!) and send you results within the next 60 days. Thank you again for your suggestion.

Sincerely Yours,

Mr. Eddy

Mr. and Mrs. Newbury endured their daughter's begging for a full seven weeks before Mr. Eddy's next letter came with a delivery truck. Mr. and Mrs. Newbury peeked out the front door at the enormous supply truck labeled "Edible Eddy's" as they read the second letter.

Dear Mr. Newbury,

The amount of stock put into our company has skyrocketed almost overnight. People are ecstatic about the idea of Edible Bedsheets. Millions are gathering at our factories, day in and day out, begging for the bedsheets to be put out on the market. We feel that the success of your revolutionary idea will encompass entire continents. We owe you our company's lives for the next decade at least.

Please accept our most sincere gratitude, and this lifetime supply of bedsheets, as our donation to the most brilliant man in the world. You have been nominated already for Prime Minister, President of the United States, and Chief of the Susquehanna Indian tribe.

We hope you will understand how much we appreciate your contribution to the world as you move into your new mansion next month.

Sincerely Yours,

Mr. Eddy and Company

Mr. and Mrs. Newbury, along with little Clara, never had to worry about bedtime snacks again. Clara ate her Cherry-Flavored Edible Bedsheets for the rest of her life. She enjoyed them so much, she passed the tradition on to her children, and from her children to her grandchildren, and when Mr. and Mrs. Newbury passed from this life to the next, the following was engraved on their headstone.

"To a Father and Mother who cared not only about little Clara's appetite, but about parents around the world, starving for the blessed relief of Edible Bedsheets. You will always remain in our hearts and in our homes, remembered as the -"
(Here, the etching abruptly stopped, as they had bought too small of a headstone to write this long of a memoir.)

But though the etching stopped here; though Mr. and Mrs. Newbury's lives stopped here; their legacy lives on through the ages. And even to this day, people remember the tale of the Edible Bedsheets and praise the Newbury's. And the little children can be found outside their homes playing jump-rope or pogo-sticks, singing,

"As I lay me down to sleep,

I taste my Cherry-fabric sheets.

My bedtime snack's my greatest friend,

So pardon me - I'm going to bed!"

THE END