Chapter One: Lose No Sleep
03172009 - 0453A
AN: So working midnight shift leaves me with a LOT of free time for interwebs research and such. This story is a product of that time and effort.
One person knows already what this story is about, other than me. The rest of you will find out over time.
But I promise it will be an interesting ride.
I have no problem with lying to every single person I meet.
I quit smoking.
Those aren't mine.
I don't own an unregistered weapon.
I love my parents.
I did my homework, I just lost it.
Of course I was home by curfew.
One of those are true. The rest are lies. Can you tell which ones are which?
Sometimes I lie just to see what people will believe. My grandmother has died three times. This year. Last year, my father was beating me. Don't worry, I refused to testify. He's fine. The year before that, I got raped by an unknown assailant.
People eat that shit up.
I love that I can play with their emotions, that one whispered "confession" to one of my so-called confidantes creates such a reaction. They're just words. It amazes me, thrills me, that I can have this effect on people.
I lose no sleep over it.
It's like I am the God, the Queen of this land. The rest of them are just my slum dogs.
I make it a general rule not to be affected by anything anyone tells me. I refuse to let people who are so... insignificant, so impressionable, affect me.
I can honestly say that there's not one person on this planet that I would allow to sway me in any way.
Or at least, I could until I met her.
Now it's just another lie.
I hate myself more than anything. I know it sounds like a load of teenage-angst-attention-seeking bullshit. I'm probably more aware of that than most. But I can say it here, because before long, it won't matter what anyone thinks.
I want more than anything to die. But I'm a coward, and I just can't do it. I've been close, so many times. So close to pulling the trigger, or pressing down on the razor... Once I even rerouted the fumes from our closed garage into the heating vents. At the last second, my sister came home, and I latched onto that excuse to stop. I told myself I couldn't do that to her. That she didn't deserve it.
But really, if I'm honest, I don't care. It was just another excuse not to do it.
I hate everything about myself, and I hate the people who make me feel that way almost as much.
Those people who treat me like I'm nothing more than something foul clinging to the bottom of their shoe. The ones who whisper. The ones who throw things. The ones who make me feel worthless every hour of every day.
If I weren't so much of a coward that I couldn't even "take care of" myself, I probably would have done something about them a long time ago.
I would lose no sleep over it.
That was until I met her, and she changed the way I thought of them.
She is the only one who makes any difference.
AN: As per my usual style, this first chapter is only an intro to the characters. That's why neither of them have names. That will come later.
There will be mega super bonus points to anyone who guesses where this story is going.
Karasu, you are not allowed to guess.