The Simple Things I Use to Know

Screaming. For a few minutes that is all my mind can grasp. The horrible agonizing screaming and the feverous praying. Then the pain rose up to scald my sensitive skin. For moment the pain consumed everything and the only thing I could do is writhe in it as far as far as the chains that bind me allow. Once again my voice joins the others, pleading and calling out to be forgiven. My heart in my throat, I try to envision the simple things I use to know. The magnificent sound of singing from a chorus of voices, pure as bells. The feeling of rain and the misty clouds on the wings now encased in flame and searing agony. The sight of that soft smile that He would reserve just for us. For silver second, I can almost envision these things before another wave of tormenting pain floods my senses.

Again I scream and begin to beg for mercy. Voices, horrible, cruel, and taunting, are all that answer my cry. Voices so familiar to me mock my fruitless weeping. I try to ignore the ones who fell by choice, but their voices fill my mind like the blistering fire and burn away all wisps of those simple things, leaving only jagged, broken agony behind. Desperately I try to recapture them, my only shield against this prison. I think of the day we were sent down to earth. We were the elite and trusted beloved sent to serve as watchers and guardians to the race of man. But these feeling of love and humble joy were only a fleeting moments of relief before they too were ripped away by the inferno around me.

My mind clutched at them in vain till only one image remained. The image of Jezebel, beautiful, wise, and strong, Jezebel. My love, my darling, my temptress and my sin. Damn her. For her I have given up everything. Damn all the daughters of man from which all sin has sprung. Damn the race of man and all that has been created for them. And damn Him for sending me to my doom, to earth, knowing that I would fall. Curse Him for his cruelty and self-centered planning.

Anger filled my veins with sweet ice, freezing the horrible pain. Electric rage jolted me, sending my nerves alive with energy. Suddenly, I found the strength to rise above the liquid fire. My eyes become flames to combat those rising around me. My body contorts on blackened wings. I lunged forward, straining the giant iron chains that bind me. My mouth opens and a roar of hatred flies from my lips, containing all my guilt, my rage, and my fear. Voices rose up around me. The demons were taking up my bitter scream till the walls echoed with the combination of our fury. For an instant, I understood why they rose up against Him. I finally knew why the beloved would become the damned. For a second, the pain did not matter. For a moment, I was free, I had Jezebel, and I was not a slave to that grand puppet master of all things. Then my breath left my lips. My energy was drained and finally the merciful darkness begins to close in. But before the darkness consumed my every nerve in a dreamy haze, one thought invaded my mind. For that moment, it was worth it.