Scene Sixteen: April's speech

Setting: Still Henry's living room.

(HENRY is sitting on the couch and keeps looking up at the clock.)

HENRY

Should be soon.

(He looks up at the clock again, then back down. There's a knock at the door.)

Here we go.

(He opens the door and APRIL comes in)

APRIL

Hey Henry.

HENRY

Hi April. So… I'm gonna try to not talk in questions.

APRIL

Good for you. Um… I need to talk to you.

HENRY

OK.

APRIL

(Smiles weakly and pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket)

Please don't interrupt me.

(Clears her throat and starts reading)

My world used to be neat and orderly. Everything made sense. I could've told you exactly what I would've been doing tomorrow. I could've told you exactly what I would've been doing ten years from tomorrow. But then… you happened. You asked me out with a dictionary, told me we were doomed to be together, compared us to magnets, stalked me on my date, and basically blurred the line between friendship… and more than that. Um… but then you've always been really nice to me. You don't think I'm totally crazy for having my whole life planned. What I've been trying to tell you… is…

(She looks up)

I think you know already.

HENRY

I wouldn't mind hearing it.

APRIL

(Nods)

I… like you. Like the same weird way you like me. And I think that we could be together. You fit into my plans perfectly.

HENRY

Told you so.

(He grins and just when it looks like they're going to kiss, SIMON, CASSANDRA, and JAMES come in.)

CASSANDRA

Did it work? Are you together?

SIMON

Uh-oh.

JAMES

I think we interrupted them again.

CASSANDRA

Nooo!

HENRY

(To APRIL)

Screw it.

(Blackout.)

SIMON (VO)

This is awkward…

--

Epilogue

Setting: The same park table.

(This is happening during the voice-over. JAMES and CASSANDRA are both working on the Rubik's cube. HENRY has his arm around APRIL and they're watching the process. SIMON rolls his eyes and digs out a five-dollar bill, giving it to JAMES. CASSANDRA takes it and holds it up, giving SIMON a stern look. SIMON looks annoyed as HENRY and APRIL start laughing, and SIMON gives CASSANDRA another five dollars.)

HENRY (VO)

So that's the story of how I convinced April that we were doomed to be. And I was right. We went out for a few years, according to her timeline, and I proposed to her on her designated proposal day. That… didn't quite go according to plan.

(Scene changes to HENRY and APRIL in APRIL's living room. APRIL is lying on the couch and looks like she's on her deathbed.)

HENRY

I've been thinking about us lately and how we're doomed to be together for the rest of our lives. It's the one thing I've been sure of since day one.

APRIL

I think I'm going to be sick.

HENRY

Too much?

APRIL

No- I really think I'm going to be sick.

(She runs off)

HENRY (VO)

When I did pop the question, she said yes. Then ordered me to make her soup. James and Cassandra had an on-again off-again relationship for a while, but finally James decided to stick with her.

JAMES

Did you know penguins spend their whole lives looking for their one true soul mate?

CASSANDRA

No, I didn't.

JAMES

Will you be my penguin?

HENRY (VO)

And no. He never solved the Rubik's cube. Cassandra did become a journalist for a newspaper and an online newsletter.

(Shows CASSANDRA and JAMES working on their computers)

James worked a lot with computers, creating anti-virus programs and bringing back addictive games like Pacman and Space Invaders.

CASSANDRA

(Getting off her computer)

Pizza sounds good. What do you think?

JAMES

In a minute.

CASSANDRA

Are you playing Pacman again?

JAMES

(Pauses)

Maybe.

(The scene changes to SIMON holding up paint samples against a wall)

HENRY (VO)

Simon did well as an interior designer. He met a girl named Susan, but he never mentioned how.

(SUSAN walks in the room, taking SIMON's hand. He tosses the paint samples to the floor and gives her a suggestive look. The scene changes to HENRY coming out of a high school)

I did not become a DJ, although it's still a dream. Nope, I was a high school counselor. That's right. I help angsty teens decide what to do with the rest of their lives. Ironic, isn't it?

(Scene changes to APRIL coming in HENRY's house. She's wearing scrubs. HENRY walks from the kitchen and kisses APRIL on the cheek.)

April's life went exactly as planned. She even died the way she thought she would- in her sleep. Just thought you ought to know.

(HENRY tells APRIL something, and she's thunderstruck. Then she proceeds to freak out.)

She didn't get out of that ranting thing until after we had our first kid.

(HENRY tries to calm APRIL down, but when he's unable to, he shakes his head and leaves the room.)

Also, I just decided - this is a romantic comedy.

Fin.