i'm sorry.

and i miss you like you never
knew, but, baby, here i have to remind
myself how you threw me into some kind
of heartache. but inevitably, we have to
arrive at this part where i just have to say
that you, you, were the first and only boy,
who made me make a beeline
for the goddamn grocery store and buy
bags of ingredients to bake
you a batch of chocolate chip cookies
(with brown sugar and a pack of pudding mix)
on a school night--ignored all my homework
with a smug smirk, i swear it. i was
contemplating whether you'd want big cookies
or little ones that linger on your tongue,
the way i'd want my kiss to be (enough
to collapse a lung).

in the end, you wouldn't take them,
i'm sorry (i don't know why). and you'd much
rather spray on the kenneth cole cologne
that she sent you. it's okay, i promise,
no hard feelings--it's not a big thing--
but i do wind up crying and cramming the
cookies into my mouth, all alone while
watching tv. (i'm sorry.)

a/n: im sorry i miss you.