I walk this road alone
That's the price I pay
For being different
I can call this life my own
Yes, I did leave. Yes, I had to. Yes, I had no choice.
I thought you would care though. I thought you would pick up the phone and call. I thought you would get on the train and visit.
But you didn't. I waited by the phone. I waited by the door. I waited in my belief you cared.
I left yes, but I didn't abandon you. You did that long before I left.
You stopped talking to me, stopped acknowledging me, and stopped being the person I knew, long before I left.
I try hard to deny it, but maybe it was because I wasn't there enough. But when I was I always tried. I had been there for you for two and a half years.
And me leaving had been a long time coming. I think we both knew that. Everyone knew that.
I can't really blame you though. Not when I have so many others to blame. None of them really cared I found out. I have to make every ounce of effort. You'd think that friends would try to see you, try to call you.
But no, they have their own lives. They have no time for me. No time for someone who would give them everything, simply because they don't want the responsibility of giving anything back.
Simply because normal teenagers can't give anything, let alone everything.
I wish I was one of the normal teenagers. If I were then I wouldn't have got bored with school life. I wouldn't have stood up in class when told off and told the teacher to get off. I wouldn't have been rejected because of who I was.
I wish I could be normal... because then everything would be so much easier. And I tried to hide it, I really did. I tried for two and a half years. I gave that place, those people, everything I had. I tried so hard...
But I left and they forgot me. No one phoned. No one visited. I could have been dead. No one cared. They were teenagers. They didn't understand. They didn't want to.
The teachers understood but didn't care. I had caused them too much grief by being different. They were so shocked when I spoke out against them and didn't back down. They were scared because I wasn't a mindless sheep.
They are plenty of "outcasts" in school. People who are viewed as different.
But I was different because I told them who I was.
I told the world I was a lesbian.
A week later I was in hospital with a broken foot.
A month later I was gone.