How to Become a Dancing Sensation
This is a fun little read. Created out of boredom and mostly stupidity. "Referenced" jokes may occur. Laugh with caution.
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Tired of not being 'in' the 'in' crowd. Getting shown up at the local dances offs (that seem to be abundant, so says the movies!) because you are unsure of yourself? Did you wish you could save more money by switching to Geico, but now, you're just stuck feeding your new pet gecko? Throw all that stuff aside, inside, or at someone's face, and use "Dave's quick, easy, and slightly harmful method" on how to become a dancing sensation! *1
[ Dave's quick, easy, and slightly harmful method should be used by no one, under no circumstances, whatsoever. Side effects include, but are not solely limited to: growth of extra appendages, "Dizzy up the Girl", a radioactive spider biting you on the neck, ear vomit, a silly walk (that might include tip toeing), becoming a 'kickapoo' as well as a 'sassafrass', and, or, an orphan showing up at your doorstep wanting more soup, and asking you, with these…specific words, "Please sir, GIVE ME SOME MORE G__D__ SOUP!" You should not try the method if you are pregnant, think you are pregnant, or are unsure of yourself. Don't ask a professional doctor because you will have paid him 200 dollars to laugh at you hysterically. ] *2
Step 1: Build the Burn Pile
-First off, you need to go to your backyard and start a fire. It would be wise to clear some ground before you start setting your lawn on fire, but, considering you are reading this, I thought it would be wise to add in that advice. Now this is what goes into the fire: All of your seasons of "Dancing with the Stars" (If your television set is playing that show in that exact moment you heard this from me, you must ditch the TV as well), and as well as every dancing lesson movies (including "Mambo for Dumbos" and "Cha-Cha for Ma-Ma's"). Also, question. Why do you own that, again?
Step 2: Go out to the Streets. (Possibly some "Streetz")
-Next goal. The only way to beat someone at a dance off on the streets, is to become one with the street. And the only way to accomplish becoming one with the street, is to add concrete to your bloodstream. Then you must mold yourself into the streets, and wait 24 hours for the sun to solidify you onto a sidewalk.
Step 3: Dance Dance Revolution Revolution!
-Once the city workers have jackhammered you out of the sidewalk, you'll be ready to take on the street gangs. Because of course, street gangs dance. They don't carry guns and sell drugs. They carry dancing hearts and sell passion. You'll be so drugged up on asphalt, your dance moves will be rockin'! Quite literally!
*1 : It appears to be that your pet gecko likes eating money, as well as creating uprising in Soviet Russia. In Soviet Russia, money saves Geico!
*2 : Being bit on the neck by radioactive spider does not mean you are going to become Spider-Man. It means you will die. Sorry.
- (Usually, Most Dumb) Dance Movies: (ex. Step Up)
- Goo Goo Dolls
- Monty-Python and the Flying Circus
- Tenacious D
- Dancing with the Stars
- Dance Dance Revolution
- Soviet Russia
(I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING I HAVE TALKED ABOUT OR DO PROFIT FROM SUCH FORWITHED. NONETHELESS, I DO NOT CONSIDER PROFITING FROM LAUGHTER, AND IF SUCH businesses, companies, organizations, bands, funny television shows, major corporations, the government, or Soviet Russia CONSIDER THOSE ACTIONS TO BE PROFITABLE, YOU CANNOT LAUGH WHEN READING THIS METHOD. THANK YOU AND HAVE A NON-LAUGHING DAY.)