Writer: Danggit! (throws pencil down)

Pencil: Wheeee! (lands on dask) OUCH! (gets up) (glare at Writer) (has hands on hips) You're going to write something! I WANNA BE USED!!

Writer: (tugs on hair) I cannot! I just cannot! (bites nails)

Pencil: (screams in agony)

(The Doorbell rings)

Writer: It must be my friend coming over for tea. (walks to the door and opens it) Hello Muse!

Muse: Hello Writer, (looks over at Pencil) Pencil.

(Writer and Muse hug)

Writer: Come and sit down. I'll go get the tea.

Pencil: (jumps off desk)

Muse: (sits down)

Pencil: (gives Muse a very suspicious look) You better help Writer out, because if you don't…I'll destroy you!

Muse: I shall definitely try to help Writer as best as to my abilities. Maybe he just needs a mechanical pencil instead of taking time sharpening—

Pencil: (gasp) (glare)

Writer: (comes in with tea) (sets the tray down on the table) (Hands them out) English tea for Muse, Lipton for me, and DECAF for Pencil.

Pencil: HEY! (glare) (goes to his tea and stares at it) UH-HEM! Writer, I think you're forgetting something…

Writer: Oh right! (grabs a straw out of pocket) There you go.

Pencil: Thanks! (gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp) (burp) (falls down drunk)

Muse: (Intensely studies Pencil laying drunk of the table) (in a serious voice) Writer…have you considered a typewriter? Or a keyboard—

Pencil: (gasp) (gets up) Hey! Big fella! You cannot dooo that! Blasphemy it is to saaaay such things! (act drunk) I swear, Muse, I will have my revenge! (hiss) (hiss) (hiss)

Writer: But Muse, wouldn't that mean I'd need a computer?

Pencil: O My good Lord! NOOOOO! Writer…I swear if you buy a computer I will never—

Muse: (ignores Pencil) (sigh) You should think about it. (looks strangely at Pencil then at Writer) Are you sure that was decaf?

Writer: I'm sure.

Muse: (sips English tea gracefully) Well, then truly I must be off. Oh, make sure Inspiration comes knocking on your door…she just made kolaches!

Writer: Leaving so SOON?!?! I'd thought you'd stay a while to chew and chat a bit!

Muse: What can I say? I am a busy man. (gets up to leave)

(they walk to the door)

Pencil: HEY! Muse, do you know what kind of kolaches Inspiration made?

Muse: Twix Bars.

Writer: ?

Pencil: ?

Muse: I must be off now. (opens door to leave)

(Muse exits)

Pencil: I don't think Muse helped at all!

Writer: I really want Inspiration to come.

Pencil: Twix Bar kolaches? Aren't kolaches suppose to have fruit in the middle of them?

Writer: I wouldn't know, because the only kind my mum ever made was spinach kolaches.

Pencil: YUCK!!

Writer: Amusing favor, but disgusting altogether.

(doorbell rings again)

Writer: (gets up and opens the door)

Inspiration: (smiles while looking up at Writer) I made Twix kolaches! Funny things is, (gets in the house) I have never, EVER had a Twix bar in my life until today! So when I had one, I knew God had sent me a sign to make Twix kolaches!

Writer: (not as trilled) Amazing.

Inspiration: (gasps at Writer's finger nails) have you been nervous lately? It makes me want to wash my hands, which I will do right now (shoves purse and Twix kolaches into Writer's hands)

(Inspiration washes her hands)

Inspiration: Oh Writer! I love your blueberry smelling soap! You know, it makes me want to make blueberry tasting soap! Ahh! Well, isn't that a good idea?! Eatable flavorful soap!

Pencil: Goodness! Are you going to kill the whole world with your poisonous soap!

Writer: Inspiration, you want some tea?"

Inspiration: That would be lovely, darling Writer, but tea makes a young woman get shorter.

Pencil: (giggles) How much shorter can you get?

Inspiration: (glare)

Pencil: (gasp) (hides under billow) Oh crap!

Writer: So no tea?

Inspiration: No, of course not! Sit down dear Writer! Try my new kolaches!

Writer: (gulp) (sits down)

Inspiration: Well don't make me slap you silly! GRAB ONE!

Write: (grabs a kolache)

Pencil: Yuck! I cannot watch!! (closes eyes)

Writer: (takes a bite)

Inspiration: Good job!

Writer: (attempts not to gag) (swallows)

Pencil: (opens eyes) is it over???

Inspiration: Now it's your turn!

Pencil: (scream) (run away)

Inspiration: (stands up) (yells out:) COWARD! Jerk! Gosh! That pencil makes me want to kill paper and then bury it in the dirt and urine on it!!

Writer: …. (stares at Inspiration fearfully)

Inspiration: HEY! That's a jolly good idea! I'll go kill some paper! (gets up)

Writer: Wait…you're going to leave NOW?

Inspiration: (opens door) YES! (grabs purse) Keep the kolaches! Watch out for Blue Toads!

(Inspiration leaves)

Writer: (sigh) (goes over to the desk)


Muse has gone aw-ay
In-spir-at-ion is miss-ing
No-thing for writ-ing

Block: Nice Haiku.

Writer: turns around) Who- who are you?

Block: I'm a block of wood. I'm your block of wood. I'm your block.

Writer: You're my…wr- wri- w-w-writ-

Block: Saaaay it. Say it. It's okay. I don't bite…I'm just a block of wood. A big hunk of square wood.

Writer: Writer's Block?

Block: hah. I'm not that scary, am I? ……………….MUWAHWAHWAHWAHAHAHAAA!