It is clear and obvious that as the sun lurches away from the earth, day by day, I grow weary and away from the way I used to be—though it's not absolutely clear to me why. It's very unfortunate how sin and evil turn greater in me than to what is contrarily right, even when I know that of my wrong doing.
I seem to lack those qualities that people normally find appealing. Temporarily I find drawbacks and refrain from that personality that I know will inevitably overcome my true sense of reality.
I was always the person to be unaware of the true meaning of things—complicated or not. I could somehow finish up top when compared to others around me, but that was because of my internal way of contemplating different aspects.
Somehow I do feel different from everyone else. I feel prone to an unknown greatness, as if something is supposed to happen to me that would otherwise not ever be thought of, yet I still continue to lead on a seemingly normal life. I am unaware, though, how I am different because it is a mystery to me how to realize this fact without an example of how others ramble on through their thoughts. My way of thinking seems too complicated to me—too descriptive, observant. It's as if something out of my control is adding its thoughts—not good or evil—into my head that make me cognizant of certain aspects of life that would otherwise be left unnoticed. And yet I still have not figured exactly why this is.
Normality is something that I want—crave, actually—to figure out if I have been conforming to. I have learned that nonconformity is what makes people different, but is it really our differences that set us apart, or do they tend do bring us together more often? It's rather the complicity of life that makes us turn to realize how things are not exactly what they seem to be, and maybe that's what also brings us together: the constant state of not having knowledge with our journey to gain it in the process. I've observed that everyone in the world—even though I have not seen everyone in the world, and no one ever will—has subconsciously walked along that road and been on that quest. And I say everyone in the world because I have yet to find someone who doesn't. However, if I do, I'll be proved wrong through what I thought to have been a small percentage of chances-to-be.
But it is a dry feeling—knowing how wrong you can be about something just when you thought it to be right. Especially when you were proved wrong by a person who seemed to be ignorant enough to not know the answer. Unfortunately, that happens a lot in the world, what with all of the misconceptions and wrong doing by everyone that later realizes the opposite of what they were thinking should have been what surfed through their minds in the first place.
So many things that the living take for granted. Oh, yes, it's everywhere, everyone. That's it, reality. Everything.
If we could fully grasp that concept. Unfortunately we are limited with these human minds. These human bodies. But is it really a limitation? Or maybe just a mere chance. Maybe we have been granted this as something different. Bah, limitation. This is more than that. It's opportunity! Yes, opportunity that has clouded our vision, just so that we can jump through and explore the reality of what was meant to be explored. It could just be the destination of what we see that gives us experience to pain. Or contrarily creation can result in the same outcome. Maybe not exactly those material things, but the ideas that come in and out of our minds and turn into actions. The transition is so easy, yet so complicated at that. It's what happens when we wake up from our dreams and realize what will be appearing in the new horizon.
We will not be denied by fate, though on different ends of such a spectrum we can be embraced by it. It is fate that ultimately decides what we do, where our future will bring us. When our future will end. It is, however spiritual, an idea that has sprung into justified action. The revolution of decision that carries us through time. Yes. That is where the world begins. That is where We begin.
It is a journey—an adventure, rather, that is shortened by our so-called limitations in life. And the curiosity of what may occur after there is life, if there is an after at all. Is it possible? Is there possibility? Can there be possibility? Or maybe just idea. Maybe it is the imaginary possibility that we feign in our wildest dreams and attempts at peace.
But must we face it? Is peace really and outcome when the world is filled with so much impurity, and most of all, impossibility?
Is that all we begin to face as life ends? Are we just traveling through finite loops of impossibility that will soon end? How will we manage when we soon enough find out the truth, be that truth the less fortunate for Us of the other?
Will we live long enough to face it?