Again it is late night publishing. Again it is short. Again I don't know if its any good, guess I'll find out.

Grey Dreams



You know what I see when I look at that photo?

I see a trashed girl who vivdly aware of what she's doing, but doesn't give a fuck.

Her hairs a mess like usual, while her make up is flawless. The camera flash hides her freckles and turns her cheeks from a shocking red to subtle pink. Her shirts misplaced. Again she doesn't give a fuck. She's staring down incoherent, a million thoughts circling her intoxicated mind. She's been travelling down this road too long, just trying to find her way back home.

It's not working.

Church tomorrow, she thinks. I'm suppose to be there, but instead I'll be home remembering how I washed away everything with a mixture of vodka, lemon and bodies. Her mind still works, you see. Half way through the night. She lets herself be carried and holds onto the guy she just met. He's a nicer one she reasons. She lets herself by pulled into an embrace with her best friend's boyfriend. A few minutes later, she sits up remembering who he is. Oh, but its only kind of spooning he says. And the worse thing, she realised later on, is that she knew what was happening.

She imagines what her church friends would say if they saw her like this.

She speaks the truth when she's like this. She runs and runs away from all her "problems".

She wants that guy to crawl down to where she's sleeping and fall asleep in his arms thinking of someone else. If you knew her you would know when she's drunk because all she talks about is him and how she hates him.

I'm like her in some ways; I prefer the world tipsy. I prefer the people who hug me and give me a bottle when I'm down. I prefer the people whose brains aren't able to be complicated even without alcohol. I prefer when hugging and kissing doesn't mean you like them it means you like someone to hold onto. I think I like the world better when I wake up with a headache, tangled with friends, laughing about twister or popping balloons and I can't believe myself. I say I won't do it again, so I guess I'm a lair.

And I got all of that from a picture of a drunk girl I barely know.