CHAPTER TWO

Friday had begun like most others for him as he awoke around seven in the morning and started his newfound routine of calling her to wish a good morning and give her the comfort of his love. Unlike many of the previous days that week, where she would beat him to the punch and call around six or six-thirty, it had begun to appear to him that she was becoming reticent. If he didn't call her, then she would not be calling at all before going to work at the shack. His suspicions abounded that she was getting tired of the romance and her elusive, secretive behaviors increased daily. It made him very nervous and he had begun to run out of ideas for maintaining her undivided attention.

His anticipations for the upcoming weekend ran rampant within him. He had high hopes that badly needed repairs could be made for their relationship. He felt very concerned that she was not answering his call to her cell phone, as she was enroute to work. He began texting her. He watched his cell screen with morose consternation as no response ensued. The silence was very loud indeed. She wasn't going to contact him until she arrived at work after nine, he thought. Something was wrong, he knew.

He waited and watched the clock. Around ten-thirty, he gave in and sent another text. Her response would not come for another half-hour afterwards. For him, it would be an eternity.

(10:26:37 AM): Working very hard lover?

(11:01:34 AM): No

(11:05:07 AM): What if i tell you that i do not want to be in a relationship?

(11:39:43 AM): Are you trying to dump me-What happened to the love you said is there?

(11:45:12 AM): Its there but its not right i am feeling guilty to myself

(11:47:52 AM): What do U mean guilty and why are U afraid to face me now

(11:51:45 AM): How long have U been planning this-That is why U didn't want me coming there yesterday-Now you'll be free for weekend moves

(11:52:25 AM): Have U been seeing someone else?

(11:53:14 AM): No

(11:55:06 AM): Why do U make me cry like this-My whole world is caving in-I'm dying inside from this

(11:55:30 AM): What do U want from me?

(11:56:26 AM): I will not let U go

(12:01:50 PM): Thanks for kicking a man when he's already down

(12:03:22 PM): You said that [if] you love me [you could] let me go

(12:04:14 PM): Do U mean if You love me You'll leave me anyway

(12:08:14 PM): This is crap-Be a Woman-You need to talk to me face to face

For nearly an hour, she refused any further response to his repeated pleas for explanation. He walked outside and down the busy street on his way to the liquor store with the listless posture and glazed look of a boxer who'd taken one punch too many. After one in the afternoon, he gave it another try as fear began to consume him.

(1:15:17 PM): I am back at home after walking to the dr. with my brother-Why are U afraid to tell me to my face that it's over for us

(1:16:31 PM): This is the most despicable act any woman has ever done to me-are U proud of how U have destroyed my life now?

(1:16:52 PM): I am weak

(1:18:01 PM): And what is the reason for your leaving me-do U still love me like U have been claiming all this time?

(1:18:34 PM): Or are U falling for whatever others have been telling U to do?

(1:18:56 PM): No i am not i can't do this

(1:19:12 PM): Do what!

(1:19:50 PM): DO U STILL LOVE ME YES OR NO?

(1:20:21 PM): you ARE BREAKING MY HEART

(1:22:04 PM): My head hurts so bad-I feel sick to my soul-Help me, please don't leave me

(1:24:26 PM): I talked to no one about us

His frustration mounted and the rage inside him swelled like the tidal waves of an oncoming tsunami. Blinded by both the fury of rejection and the remorse of the condemned, he pressed on. The light of the sun on that spring afternoon had suddenly dimmed in the pale sky. He pressed the cell phone to his ear as his crippled brother, whom he had walked to the store, stumbled onwards toward their home, in front of him. For the briefest of moments he was reminded of how badly she limped when they walked together to her lover's nest. He winced at the thought like a man stepping onto a rusty nail.

(1:15:17 PM): I am back at home after walking to the dr. with my brother-Why are U afraid to tell me to my face that it's over for us

(1:25:11 PM): Then why is this happening now, when I need U most?

(1:25:30 PM): Is it me or something I have done?

(1:25:59 PM): Am I not good enough for U anymore?

(1:29:28 PM): A good person, a decent woman like U claimed to be would not treat me this way for no reason

(1:30:34 PM): I can just believe how much you must be laughing at me for playing the fool for U now

(1:32:34 PM): At least you have gotten all the romantic stuff I have sent to you for the next guy-U must really be proud of yourself

(1:35:07 PM): You have ruined me for all other hopes of being loved by anyone else-I am just a shell of a man now-empty inside-alone again-

(1:35:49 PM): I'll never again trust another woman with my heart-like I did U

(1:36:36 PM): No i am no laughing it's hard and most of all there is NO next guy or anybody else.

(1:38:02 PM): What difference does that make to me now-Do U know what I must think of you-How low can you be

(1:39:10 PM): I need a reason-If you are any sort of a decent human being, you'll tell me so I can try to make sense of all this

(1:40:36 PM): I will tell you

(1:40:39 PM): Don't U know how this will affect my heart, my mind, my soul? I am in trouble-I thought you were my friend

He pounded his fist against the wall at his sparsely decorated apartment. Fooled again, he thought as he remembered the many times he was sent packing by the other special women from his past. Always, he mused, he was the last to know; once again blind-sided by the false commitment of girls who retained the right to always change their minds about love.

With teeth clinched, memories of her invaded his mind. He tried to trace back where things had gone awry. Maybe, it was the lost job, he thought. She hadn't taken that news very well at all. She had become very disappointed and said so numerous times. Perhaps, he quipped, it was the couple of times he had become drunk to the point of being argumentative with her in the car as they squabbled over why she had such a hard time expressing her affections toward him. Or maybe, he thought, it was his reactions of being indignant at many of her sassy, satirical remarks when she'd become verbally aggressive with him for no good reason. It was as if she had begun to sadistically enjoy embarrassing or disrespecting him and watching him squirm as she smirked with an air of self-righteousness.

In any case, he knew that futile attempt at self-analysis was fruitless. Her justifications, he knew, for dumping him with 'Dear John' text messages would be invented for whatever reasons she needed to dispel any thoughts of wrongdoing, fault or guilt. He slowly remembered the sequence of messages from the day before yesterday, on Wednesday.

(9:19:28 AM): U forgot to say i love U

(9:27:02 AM): I love you, i would like for my pain to go away

(9:27:40 AM): Boss step out

(9:28:34 AM): Oh goody, I can send the dirty stuff now

(9:29:19 AM): I am waiting

(9:31:00 AM): Is it busy yet-(I just thought about U in the front room-I'm being naughty)

(9:32:08 AM): I want to have ???-but i am scare

(9:32:22 AM): of what?

(9:32:50 AM): No just sweet memories

(9:33:16 AM): The memories are scary to U now?

(9:35:07 AM): No, them are good thoughts

(9:35:35 AM): Is this fear based in a health concern? Is it about your back or something else?

(9:36:26 AM): Both

(9:37:09 AM): Is that something else about female anatomy?

(9:40:43 AM): No its i am still in pain

(9:43:19 AM): In what way does the fear of pain relate to sexual intimacy??? Or is this about psychological reluctance to restart our intimacy?

(9:45:18 AM): It might hurt that why i am staying away from you

(9:50:25 AM): For how long will this last. Should I feel guilty or will U let me help U on this-Is this meaning I won't see U for a long while?

(9:53:18 AM): I'm stunned by this revelation from U-How long have U been harboring this limitation on us? Do I need to come over to the store now?

(9:55:21 AM): No please don't

(9:55:35 AM): You are hiding something else from me. What have U done? What have U decided about us on your own without me?

(9:57:44 AM): No it's about the two of us

(9:58:42 AM): What is it that I need to know-tell me now?

(10:01:17 AM): It is nothing to worry about just being careful

(10:05:02 AM): Now I'm really scared of U-So, you're keeping me in the dark-afraid I may damage U or be damaged by U-yet U prefer me ignorant of why

(10:07:58 AM): Is the back/pain thing a convenient scapegoat 4 U making space away from me physically-As though U need to cool our passion-back off?

(10:08:26 AM): I am not keeping anything from you-you are not being damaged

(10:09:33 AM): Or is this a test to see if I can deal with U in a celibacy manner?

(10:09:56 AM): No it's the pain

(10:12:13 AM): No test i never though about or never will

(10:12:32 AM): Then, what choice do I have. U continue to execute full control of our options-How will U manage my needs during this unknown depart

(10:13:03 AM): Can you or will you

(10:13:50 AM): Can or will I do what? I am confused now

(10:20:48 AM): I need you to understand that i am in love with you and will not do anything to hurt you

(10:24:43 AM): Can I or will I do what? May I have an answer please? (It was your question) (Your avoiding how will U manage my needs during this?)

(10:26:23 AM): Deal with celibacy

(10:28:18 AM): I am sorry U didn't bring this up last night or before-I smell a rat %%%%!!!

(10:31:11 AM): Please trust me it is only health problems there is nothing behind it

(10:51:49 AM): I love you

(10:54:09 AM): i know-i feel the same-this is heading to a strange area-blind faith is blinded now

(10:59:46 AM): The sun will continue to shine with me as long as you is there

(11:01:00 AM): U need to be very careful & instruct me how U need me to respond to your need-I will ask you specific questions-respond honestly.

(11:02:04 AM): Am I allowed to be with U so long as we are not intimate?

(11:03:21 AM): Yes you are

(11:03:32 AM): U CAN ANSWER YES OR NO.

(11:03:47 AM): THANX-

(11:05:00 AM): Then intimacy is postponed until your condition improves-Yes or No?

(11:05:51 AM): No

(11:09:05 AM): Yet, do U want to hold off being with me due to your fear of either being hurt in your back or causing a reaction to my male parts

(11:11:31 AM): No

(11:12:16 AM): Are U afraid that by having me near U it may become uncomfortable for U-U may do or act in a way that isn't advised from temptation?

(11:15:58 AM): Yes

(11:16:28 AM): I see-Are U worried I may become frustrated by being around U while you're recovering

(11:19:31 AM): Yes i am i also cares for you and about you and your health

(11:21:13 AM): Mental or physical?-Is your condition contagious

(11:22:24 AM): Both no

(11:25:09 AM): What is the nature of your concern for my health?-Is it based in real conditions or imagined danger?