Why is it that morning is the worst time
For me to realize all these things?
In the same bed, in a different life, in a lonely room
I'm next to someone and so isolated it's ridiculous;
Still beating myself up over you.
I realize that it's hurting you to know this,
That it's your fault I won't smile as much anymore.
But you've got to realize
It's your fault that I'm lost now.
And all the things that made sense,
Fell apart a long time ago..
Watching you sleep was the most painful night of my life,
Like watching something priceless burst into flames,
Like killing a loved one.
Like having something right in front of me and forever out of reach.
It's funny now to realize and say,
I was completely fucking terrified that night
Of staying too long
Of making you wonder too much
Of giving myself completely and unavoidably away.
But it's not like you would've noticed.
You fucking bastard.
It's perfectly fine that I'm less than an in-between,
Not good enough for a mercy fuck
Not sad enough to be ignored.
I can deal with that.
It's perfectly fine that even though
I can say anything to anyone,
And laugh through their tears,
I can't say a fucking word to you.
And these long-winded epitaphs,
These conclusions I worked on for days
Die in my fucking mouth the second you look at me.
I can't look back at you,
Can't risk you really seeing
How much it hurts,
How bad I want this
How much I hate you
For loving you.
But I'm not making sense,
I never do,
And that's perfectly fine.
You're a smart enough guy.
You know exactly what Fine means.
You arrogant, well-read, over the top
Absolutely fucking perfect