Case Fifty-Four

Dreams of Yesterday

"HARUMI," I screamed with all my might.

Stomping each call, I mustered the rest of my vocal chords. How did things lead to this? We were good. Scratch that, we were great friends. She was the only one I needed. When I started school, I worried about being an outcast. I had the problem when I was really young. It was not easy for me to befriend people especially when I was in primary school. As time went on, I learned to open up. But, it was never enough.

My middle school friends were a testament of that. I failed at cementing connections. As long as someone was in my world, I cared. When people drifted away, I did not bother. We were 'friends' but not the ones we remembered for. None of them was the first person to come to mind. And Harumi was the same.

I was guilty for giving up too soon. We could have been great.

I was guilty for being an inadequate friend. I made a promise to be there for her. I promised that Ojii-san. And here we were. Back to square one.

"HARUMI!"

"Don't give up! If you give up, then everything is pointless."

"Asuka-," Murokashi-sensei said, confused by my words. Continuing to ignore, I bucked up to have the conversation Harumi and I were meant to have ages ago.

"Don't you want to feel like you? Don't you want to win as yourself and not as a zombie?"

I wished I could remember the changes in her. When the distancing began, I was heartbroken over the loss of my friend. Thinking she didn't want to do anything with me, I kept myself away. But, I was guilty too. I could have been abrasive like I alwaysam.

"Yuki won't come to you if you're like this. He'll stay away if you're weak. He'll ignore you if you let others in. Fight for him! If you don't fight, I'll never give him to you!"

Stepping forward, I collapsed to my knees and hesitantly grabbed her hand. Shutting my eyes, I waited for the creature to appear.

But, there was nothing. Shocked, I looked back at her. She was still the same. Cold and unrelenting to wake up.

Laughing through my tears, I tried to goad her anger. "I won't give him up easily. Not for you, not for the Hitonoseri. Not for anyone. You picked the right guy to crush on. He's nothing like my mind tried to make him as. He's nice, loyal, trustworthy...and kind. He's not the kind of boy a girl will give to a friend. He deserves more than that."

Thinking of his sister, I took in a deep breath. Because of her, he lived with his uncle and his family. He was far from his parents, from the world he was raised in. The little boy in the pictures looked sad as if something was missing from him. To fill that void, he needed someone great.

"I'll give you an unfair advantage. You must be upfront with him. You need him to see you as you are. I know you are a good person. He needs a good person, not someone who's confused." Laughing off the awkwardness I was feeling, I confessed, "You're not getting off easy. You better not think I'm a noble idiot. Once you tell him the truth, I'll come charging. Like I said, I'm not going to give up easily. So you-,"

In my hand, there was a little twitched. From being gobsmacked to serious, Murokashi-sensei too snapped his eyes to Harumi. In his arms, she started to stir. With glee, he ordered me to go on, "Continue with your teenage habits. Make her angry."

I nodded, happily. "So, you better be prepared," I finished. "Don't you want to prove how your crush is worth more than mine?"

Shinohara-sensei returned with paramedics and I was quickly brushed aside. Wiping my happy tears, I taunted, "We have a deal, Harumi."

"Please, let us do our job," one of the paramedics glared.

"Of course," I smiled.

As they checked for her stats, I walked into the hallway. With only the new ghost as company, I headed to get ready for home.

"You are, by far, the weirdest girl I have ever met. All of that to get her from a possession. It's not going to happen."

I smiled at him, "I know."

"Then, why did you do it?"

"I make things as I go along. Stick around and you'll see that a lot."

Sighing with exasperation, he said, "It's not like I have a choice."

In the safety of my bedroom, I started to touch my head. Looking for the traces of damage, my fingers dug into my hair. I was not able to feel the effects of my accident. Picturing my brain scan, I placed my fingers unto the spots where my suspected tumors were.

The orange-haired ghost was annoyed with me. After we departed from school, he tried to persuade me to seek out a Natori. According to him, a more competent person should tend to Harumi. No paramedic or doctor could save her until whatever was possessing was gone.

I was not ready to see any of them.

Locking the door with my free hand, I moved to the other side of the wall. I tapped to see how hollow the wall was. Could it be damaged, I wondered.

To be honest, I did not care. I was too tired, too frustrated at how others knew more about myself than I did. Everything started with the Bon-Odori accident. Perhaps, something would continue to unlock.

"What are you doing," the ghost asked, unfolding his arms and floating towards me.

Choosing to ignore him, I continued to rock my head back and forth. Turning to the side, I rammed my head forward.

Instantly, I was sent backwards. Delirious, I shook my head as I tried to grapple my senses. The ghost's shouts came off as ringing alarms instead of concern. Stumbling back up, I noticed a new sound. At first, I thought someone was pounding my head. But, someone was pounding on the door.

Glancing at the wall, I saw a small splotch of blood. Stuck in a dizzying spell, I tried to touch my head and assess the damage. I ended up waving my hand through the air.

Damn it, I thought. I can't remember anything.

A little flash came before me. I saw a young man smiling down at me. The bright violet eyes told a different story.

Seeing Tsugumuchi, I knew I was close. His appearance could have been a daydream. He really was around me as a child. I needed to know more. I needed to know what the Natoris' great-grandfather was attached to me.

"Asuka!"

Clunking my head against my studying desk, I slid to the ground. As my eyes closed, I saw a blurry spectacle. The door was forced open and I saw people who looked like my parents running towards me. They could not be my parents.

My parents were calling me in my mind.

"Asuka," my younger mother hugged me close. "You're going to be a big sister soon."

She was not showing yet. Taking my hand, she placed it over the tiny bump. Oddly, I felt two little speck of energy. Way before the sonograms, I knew my mother was carrying two babies.

Ruffling my hair, my not-so balding father smiled, "What name would you like to give the baby?"

Excitedly, I piped up, "Tsugumuchi! I want one of them to be Tsugumuchi!

A flash of concern went by my father. "Asuka," he said, sternly, "Can't you give the baby another name?"

"No! I want Tsugumuchi!"

"Asuka," my mother said, this time, "He's imaginary."

"No! He's not!"

Tsugumuchi was laughing. I hated how he did not defend himself. He should have proved it. "It's okay," he smiled down at me. "It's okay as long as you know the truth."

Squirming away from my mother's hold, I accused them of lying. "You said you saw him too! You said you like Tsugumuchi!"

"Asuka," Okaa-san replied, sternly, "You're barely four. You need to grow up."

"I am already big! Tsugumuchi says so!"

Reaching her boiling point, she rose up from her seat and spat back. "If you continue on like this, we're taking you to the doctor."

"You don't scare me," I screeched, "I'm more powerful than everyone!"

My taunting words made my parents flinch. From anger to growing concern, my father bent down to look me eye to eye. Tearfully, he grasped my shoulders and gave me a slight shake. "Asuka. Big girls don't behave like this. Okaa-san and I," his voice broke for a moment before he reaffirmed his strength, "don't want you to leave us. If you keep on going, we'll be separated. You won't be able to be a big sister."

Reason slowly entered my young mind. The doctors told me I could go to a special place for troublesome children. Afraid of being torn from my parents, I hugged Otou-san tightly. Unable to voice my apologies, I kept my arms around him. Picking me up, he feathered my face with light kisses. For as long as I could remember, Otou-san understood me best. Even when I could not string my words together, he knew.

Beep...Beep...

As my senses gradually returned, my mind remained fixated on the old memory. Tsgumuchi was not a figment of my imagination. He was real. He was a spirit. He was around me. Yet, he was no longer nearby. The smiling man must have disappeared because of something. But what?

Why did he leave me? Why did my followers leave me? Thinking of Antonio, my heart ached at my failures. If only I knew more, maybe things could have been different.

With the consciousness of reality coming back, I noticed something. My hands felt...bound. Before I opened my eyes, I wriggled my restricted hands. Hearing a clang, I opened my eyes and saw the wristband clinging to the bed bars. Unsurprised, I rested back.

Of course, people would think I was crazy.

Judging from my familiarity with hospital equipment, I knew exactly where I was. This time, I was certain I was placed in a new ward. Considering my behavior before knocking out, I needed to be admitted.

Being back in Tokyo Prefecture Hospital, I wondered if Dr. Kobayashi would see me in the psych ward. He had to. What if the tumors were making sharp changes to my behaviors?

Deep down inside, I knew that was a lie. I chose to hurt myself badly. I was rational enough to take my head to the wall.

But, it was for a good cause. I needed to remember. I needed to remember everything.

Hearing the door creak open, I averted my gaze towards the visitor. Seeing Tsuge walk in, I kept my eyes on him. The kid looked taller than usual. Did he sprout up in a day?

Silently, he stared back. For the first time, I wish I had more power. Looking straight into his dark green eyes, I wondered what he was thinking about. I saw no pity, hate, worry or concern. He looked liked he knew something. Seeing me awake, he was not surprised by anything.

Without a word, he took a seat next to my bed. For a moment, he looked on the ground. Then, it struck me. It was not worry or knowledge that plagued him. It was fear.

"Asuka," he finally managed to utter, "What is wrong with you?"

I had to look away. Watching my usually annoying brother crumble in front of me, my heart could not take it.

"Why are you like this? Why are you trying to kill yourself?"

"I'm not," I muttered in quiet defense.

Managing to hear my little retort, he snapped to anger. "Are you really insane? Why would you do something like that? Life is meant to be hard. And it's meant to be difficult. But, we are supposed to persevere and learn from our pasts. Why are you running away?"

Why are we running away?

That little girl's voice was mine.

Closing my eyes, I tried to decipher the incoming memory. With Tsuge shouting, it was hard to focus. All I could hear were the words.

"Tsugumuchi? Why?"

Suddenly, there was a flashing image before me. The smiling Tsugumuchi was replaced by a cold one. He looked on as I fell backward down a well. The little boy tried to save me. Tsugumuchi did not. He let it happen. He let us be torn apart.

"Tsugumuchi," I croaked, looking back at my brother. "Don't let them separate us."

Silent tears trailed down his face.