"It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget someone."

Dear Boy,

I'm writing you this letter because.. I'm not even sure anymore. Was it to get out those lost feelings I've had for a while? or to just plain and straight just tell you how I feel. Let me tell you I'm not sure if you will ever get to read this because, I'm scared of this shell that I have made around me, and the moment you read this the shell will be broken. I am sure of it. Do you remember the first time we ever met? I remember it like it was yesterday. We were checking you out from far away. You had brown hair and light green eyes. You were cute. That's what I will admit.

" Look at him" Liz said. " He looks more of your age than mine." I rolled my eyes

"Or he could be your age. Let's not make this a Tim story. He stared at me all night, and didn't even ask me for my number."

"So how old do you think he is" she looked at me with a curious smile.

"I don't know sixteen maybe?" I said back to her, I looked at her face, she had that smile.

"Lets go find out." She said

Let me tell you was I more scared than anything to talk to you, everyone was looking at you but it looked like you didn't even notice you were at the center of attention. We walked all the way down the steps and up to you. Me mostly panicking that walk over. I walked up confidently but my nerves were killing me inside, I was shaking in the inside, thinking about the possibility you didn't want to be my friend!

"Hi my name is Abby" I said, I turned to my side to tell Liz to introduce herself when I saw that she was gone, she had disappeared. I looked around and I saw her behind you, talking to ms. Green I turned back to you, now very nervous.

"Hi I'm will" you said, your voice was kind of melodic, and I liked it. We became friends but not the greatest friends not until last summer.

I guess I had figured by now that, I could never see you in the light of boyfriend material and to tell you the truth that was not what I was looking for. I had just gotten out of this whole ordeal that was supposed to be a 'relationship' but truly it wasn't. It was I seeing him and going out to lunch with him. It was he leaving flowers on the doorstep and telling me he missed me from my trip and to call him when I was awake. It was we breaking up over a stupid fight. Then it was the night of Liz's graduation party that we really started talking. Liz I had known her since forever and I couldn't imagine life without her, we went to the same school and even the fact that she was two grades ahead of me didn't change how we were together or how she acted towards me. We were sitting at a table just like usual and you asked me.

"How was your summer?" will looked at me apprehensively.

"It was good, really good" I replied back.

"How was your trip?"

"I loved every minute of it, if I could I'd just move there. How was your summer" I asked him.

"Oh trying to take the subject of you, huh? It was good. Boring but good." He had a smile on his face while he said this.

I smiled back at him "yep pretty much"

We spent that night just sitting there chatting and laughing about everything. You made some corny jokes and I laughed because that's what I do. I thought every single one of them was genuinely funny. You were sweet and kind so it was easy to get along with you. I thought nothing of it as I left Liz's house and went home to get ready for my first week of school and as a camp counselor.

A few days later, school had begun, for me at least. I had just gotten home from yoga and started making dinner. I had left my phone on the opposite counter, and went and talked to my dad about why there were potato skins in the sink. I had actually blocked the whole thing. I went to the counter and picked up my phone and looked, it said a missed called from will. You didn't leave me a message so I decided why not let me call you back.

"Hey will, you called?" I tugged at my phone string nervously, wanting to know why you called.

"Yeah, um I just wanted to see how you were doing and how your day was." You sounded confident and nonchalant about it so I was surprised.

"Really?" I asked, I had a smile on my face, I thought this was the sweetest thing you could do. Well it seemed sweet to me.

"Yeah" I could tell you were smiling over the phone and I liked it.

I told you how I found these potatoes peels in the sink and decided to garbage dispose them but I accidentally got them all stuck in the garbage disposal and now it wasn't working. You laughed at my stories and told me it would be okay, and that's when I knew. You were amazing and I couldn't let my year pass by without you. We talked all the time. I felt nervous sometimes but then I'd play it off and say that maybe it was cause of what I ate. You have this way, every time you smile at me, and it's like nothing in the world. I mean I could be mad at you and you could smile at me and it would be the end of me being mad cause you always seemed to make me laugh. We never had a serious conversation, our conversations were always filled with jokes and laughter and I loved every single minute of them. I came to cherish them. You turned eighteen and you said we should go laser tagging, and I said I didn't want to go laser tagging because I was afraid of the dark and you just laughed, and said you'd be on my team and we could hold hands. We never ended up going laser tagging. Then the serious talks started to happen, I remember on thanksgiving I sent out a text saying to everyone happy thanksgiving and you responded with you too, how are you. The texts lead to a phone call.

We talked about everything from where you wanted to go to college, to where I saw my self in ten years. You laughed at my responses when I said.

"I don't want to be a rich housewife sitting around all day, shopping, or planning ever little detail of my child's life. I want to get out there and make a difference." You laughed and said you could never imagine me being a housewife; I was always walking about and being talkative.

"So will, where do you see yourself in ten years?" I asked.

You responded with " I want to go into the air force, be a pilot then retire and be a senator." All I could respond to that was wow. Your response taught me that you were ambitious and ready for just about everything.

"So why the air force?" I asked

"Because I've always loved flying, it's like you're invincible and nothing's in your way. You know what I mean?"

I replied yes, because I could relate to it in the musical sort of way, not in the flying sort, flying made me scared and queasy but music was like I felt I was the only one in the world and that this piece was meant for me. Then we started talking about this big dance that was coming up. It was all the high schools around our town, and you asked

"Are you going to the dance?" you said it in a calm but cool voice

"Well, I didn't sign up for it. But all my friends did so I can just go. But I'm not sure. I'd be into that sort of thing." I said.

"What sort of thing?"

"I'm not really into watching people have dry sex while dancing, it's really you going?" I said laughing slightly

"I don't see a problem with a little bump or grind sometimes, yeah I think so." He said.

I laughed, not only cause I was nervous but because you were making me smile so much.

Then we started playing twenty questions, more like one way. Because you wouldn't answer my questions but you'd ask me all these questions."

"What color are your walls?" he asked.

"Hot pink hot pink and lime green" I said looking around me.

"Wait, are you serious? Or just kidding."

"Will, I'm dead serious you can come over and see my room. It's all these colors."

"How do you sleep at night?" he sounded shocked at the fact.

"Easy, it's super dark."

You laughed and said that you would check it out sometime. Then it was question nineteen that got me.

"If we happened to be at the same dance and I asked you to dance would you dance with me?" he didn't sound nervous but now as I think about it. It was more like it had been on his mind. My breath hitched and my hands were sweaty and my heart was beating fast.

"Yes, but it depends." I said slowly.

"It depends?" he asked the intensity of the question was looming over both of us.

"Yeah, I love a silly song." I said laughing.

"Okay" he said "if somehow we end up at the same dance and I ask you dance you have to dance with me to a silly song." I laughed and we chatted for a little more. I then looked at my clock, which read one forty five in the morning. I had talked to you for a little over five hours and I think I needed to sleep. I said I had to go and I would talk to you later. That's when it really started heating up.

After that conversation, all I wanted to do was crawl under a hole and die. Not to mention you came in the next day looking so amazing. All the girls were looking at you. When I walked in the room your back was turned but then you turned around and you tried to hug me. I walked the other way. Then you kept it up until I sat down and you sat right next to me. I was folding envelops for this event I was doing.

"So is this what you were talking about last night" you asked looking at me.

I smiled " yeah" I looked up quickly then looked down back at my envelopes.

That day you made sure that I knew you were everywhere, or it looked like you were everywhere and every sign that I tried to ignore that you were there, came back ten fold. You were around me, you were air that was around me and I felt nervous and giddy. I thought I hope I look good enough. Every person who touched me I thought it was you. Then it came up that same day, you know the same day you sat next to me, so close I could almost hear your heart beat? You touched my arm; I don't know what happened in those few minutes but the next thing I knew. It was like my body snapped and my head turned just too look at you. You looked at me smiling and all you said was.

"Hi" and I knew, I knew even as much as I hate to admit it. I liked you.

Do you remember that time during the snowstorm and I texted you and you said you didn't have school? And you asked me if I did and I said yes. You called me after that.

"So Abby what did you do today" you asked I could tell that there was a smile on your face.

"Took finals, that's what I do." My voice dripped with sarcasm, but the truth non-the less.

"What did you do will?"
" Played in the snow, I might go to the movies later." I couldn't even imagine where you would be because you seemed so content and so happy.

"Oh really, going on a hot date will?" I was kidding, but then you had to say.

"Only if you show up." I think after you said that I made an excuse like I need to boil water or my stove is on fire. None that were true but it was getting me away from that situation. The rest of that day I spend thinking if you were serious or kidding, and I didn't want to step over the boundaries of friends. Maybe you had already crossed them but I had not crossed the lines.

Do you remember our first fight? As friends at least? I mean you didn't have to be so cocky, and it made me upset that you were acting like you were the it boy of the town. Which you might as well have been but you didn't have to be so full of yourself.

"Where were you" you asked me, I had missed a meeting and asked you to make sure you were there.

"I had to be at the basketball game" I said.

"Yeah well you needed to be here."

"Will this is my life we're talking about, I need this sports credit to graduate I don't think you understand."

"Yeah I do, I was homecoming king." You said that like you were it at the top of the world.

"And what does that have to do with this conversation?"
"I have stuff too, it doesn't mean I always flake out of things"
"you're really making me mad right now will. I don't know how that ties in to I had to be somewhere and a certain time and I couldn't make sorry homecoming king not like that's a big deal anyway."

"That's not nice." You said to me quietly.
"Well your really cocky so I guess it makes up for me being a bitch." I hung up the phone."

That was our first fight it was horrible and it made me sick to the stomach. I felt good that I got out what I wanted to but you. Had made me mad and on top of a day like that, you just had to top it off each time. After that I was talking to you almost everyday because it just seemed different when I didn't, I didn't know that I liked you that much. Even when we just texted I would say something and I would sit there nervous and excited hoping you would text me back, and when you finally did. I was content with myself. Being around you made me happy, I loved it when I was just sitting down and you would come and sit right next to me and just look at me and smile and I would turn my head and your eyes would be on me and it was a good feeling to know you were just looking at me. I liked how you would do something silly like dance in front of me and I'd act like I wasn't noticing and you'd come up and play with my feet.

Then the night came, I was hanging out with my friend renna and you called me.

"Hey will what's up?"

"Nothing much just sitting writing a paper for English." you sounded bored and annoyed when you said that.

"Oh what about" I smiled to myself.

"How to be a Mac daddy." he said proudly.

"What is that, ten steps on being a player? Or ten steps of how to get played." I was kidding but your answer shocked me.

"How to be a player, playing the field." You said.

I got frustrated, I was thinking in the back of my mind what about all those times we've talked, all the times we've hung out even as friends is that what he was doing? Playing the field?

"You're such a-never mind" I said I was beyond frustrated.

"Why can't I ever understand what you're trying to tell me?" you said quietly.

" I don't know maybe because I don't want to hurt your feelings and tell you what I really think."

You paused for a moment then said "what kind of things?"

"You know what will I don't have time for this conversation, I'm hanging out wit renna so I'll talk to you later." I hung up the phone and for the rest of the night I couldn't think of anything but about if you were playing me or not. Renna soon noticed my behavior.

"What going on? Why so glum?"

"Will, he's writing this paper and it makes me think that he's just been dragging me along for the while"

"Then why don't you do something about it? Why don't you tell him the truth? From what you tell me all the time about him. It's like he likes you no biggie."

But the truth was, it was a biggie. I wanted you to be the bigger person and tell me that you liked me a lot more than friends. I wanted you to make the first move and then I could make the second. I decided that I would just get over, you. I needed to get over you anyway. You were leaving for college in June. Less than two months and I wouldn't be seeing you as much as I did. I wouldn't have to think of you as much as I did. I wouldn't have to like you as much as I did. I decided to ignore you for the rest of the time that you were still here. I made a pact to myself that I didn't have to talk to you. I didn't have to acknowledge you at all. I could act like you never existed and nothing ever was between us. That worked for a month, it was a month of me ignoring you. If you went somewhere I wouldn't go there. If you turned left I would turn right. If you looked up I would look down. It worked, I was keeping up with my school work, I was having fun with my friends, I was barley thinking of you. Then one day, I made a mistake. I was at the local store because I wanted some ice cream. My friends were coming over and I still had to set up for dinner. I was looking at the ice cream flavors when I saw you. I tried to look as invisible as possible. I found the one I wanted opened the freezer door and took two. I turned to walk away. You were right there, standing in front of me.

"There's something different about you, i just cant put my hand on it." you said

I stood there looking at you straight in the eyes. You were smiling, not laughing but just smiling. You had the ONE smile that i liked, the welcoming one. I wanted to say something smart like "is that supposed to be a compliment or "yeah I am but what are you?" but I just turned briskly on my heal and walked the other way. Not daring to look back and see you.

I told my self consistently to get over you. I knew I would regret it but I needed so desperately to get over you. To me you were the perfect boy, the one who could sweep me off my feet just with that smile. Before you my perfect boy would have been the guy who tells me that I'm pretty all the time and puts me first, but with you it's a whole different thing. I could talk to you about anything, everything. You're smart, you make dumb jokes that are supposed to be funny but aren't. You gave me time but you didn't make me the center of your attention. To you I'm not sure what I was, whether I was a game, whether I was someone you truly cared about. I'm still not sure, but as I write this and try to say goodbye to you one final time, I wish you luck. You are leaving in two days for a new life, I hope you enjoy it. I want you to forget me and forget I ever existed. I want to say that I could have said this at least to your face, but we both know that I couldn't. this isn't an I and you, I wish it was me and you together but it was, I messing up, I saying the wrong things, and I probably the only one getting hurt.. Do you now know everything now from beginning to end? Yes, I poured my heart out. I wish I could watch your expression as you read and rock back and forth biting my lip as you continue to read this letter, I wish I could see you look up and give me an unreadable expression. But I know I won't. So as I leave this on your doorstep with your name neatly written on the front of the envelope, I know this is our goodbye. So goodbye will and you know what? Thanks, for everything.

Always and forever,


At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... that are way too dangerous to cross.


Authors note: most of the things in here are true; most of this is what has happened. Happened to me. I've edited out names, specific places and added conversations. It's part of my writers block and just you know need to get it out on paper. Review please