I suspect my mom is not a virgin.

It's all quite simple, really. But that'll have to wait, because I was trying to figure out a mystery in history class. I have a one-track mind, after all.

In U.S. History, we have to draw an awful lot of maps, so I am quite experienced in drawing them. This made it easy to come up with a map of what I remembered from last night and from what others had told me. I was just finishing the doodles of the donkeys that I suspected foul play from when the teacher caught my attention.

"Are you doing your map, Miss Flores?" the teacher who I called Albert asked.

"No, Albert, I'm doing your mom." I drew Paige in a donkey costume with a red marker.

"Excuse me? And that's not even my name!"

"It's suits you." I always renamed things if I felt I knew of a better name.

"You are being very rude. Aren't you tired of detention yet?"

"Duh! But you all insist on sending me there everyday!"

"'You all'?"

"You learning Nazis. Are you retarded?"

"I have a good mind to send you off from here right this minute!"

"Blah-blah-blah, I have a mustache. That's all I heard coming from you."

"DETENTION!"

I huffed and stood. "Good! Now I can finish my map without you asking me stupid questions!"

And that's exactly what I did in detention. Luckily I had my trusty markers that I stole from Brian. Bastard shouldn't have eaten my chips!

I smelt something interesting coming my way. Looking up from the angry doodle of Albert I had done on the back of the map, I saw both Paige and Alexander being escorted by the hall monitor Jimmy Himself (I can never remember his last name, so I call him that).

"Sup, Jimmy!" I raised both hands to wave.

"WASSSUP, DAWG!" he shouted. Oh Jimmy and his Wangster self!

Jimmy dragged the two dorks over to my row, where they sat in front of me. "What're you guys doing here?" I asked.

"Dress code." Paige muttered. "But I have Girl Scout cookies!"

Jimmy gave Paige that I'm-thinking-about-slapping-you-upside-the-head-right-about-now look, one she's quite familiar with and that I've mastered myself. "What kind of cookies are those?"

"Girl Scout." Paige drew out the words very slowly.

He rolled his eyes. "I mean, are they Thin Mints?"

"Only the best!"

Jimmy did a face-palm. "Do you guys watch the news or are you that oblivious?"

Alexander, Paige and I shared a look before shrugging.

"Girl Scouts have been selling drugged Thin Mints all over this town!"

The three of us did a collective "OHHHHH."

"That explains everything!" I punched Paige in the face. I was THAT excited.

"I told you not to attack that girl for those cookies!" she exclaimed, then blinked. "Wow. It's all coming back to me!"

Alexander threw his arms up in exasperation. "Will someone please explain to me what's going on?"

Paige began, "Well, after Darien tried to kill my dog, we went out to the front porch because it smelled like puke really bad inside. I dunno how I got park and porch mixed up. But anyway, that's when we saw a Girl Scout running, and Darien tackled her. We most of the cookies, and…" she stared off into space with that stupid look of hers. "I guess that's when we ended up at your place."

"Oh yeah! I remember eating some cookies you guys offered."

Jimmy shook his head. "You guys are crazier than bedbugs!"

"Jimmy, you can't be Southern AND Wangster!" I waved my finger at him.

He quickly slipped back to his accent-less voice. "My bad."

The sound of the speaker from the office exploded to our ears. "Due to an outbreak of students eating Thin Mints around campus, school is closed for the next three days."

"ALL RIGHT!" JayTee jumped up from the front of the room, tore his shirt off, and showed off his man-panties that peeked from the top of his baggy pants.

"I'm diggin the panties, JayTee!" I called. They were black with hot pink squirrels dancing in a pattern.

He gave me a peace sign before doing some elaborate dance moves made strictly for strippers. I shielded Alexander's innocent, gorgeous eyes.

"Well, I guess I'm heading home." Paige gathered her things right as the bell rang. She's uncanny about time. Probably because of the Rugrats watch I gave her last Christmas. "You coming?" she asked me.

I stood up in a flourish. "Of course. Isn't it game night at your house?"

She hung her head sadly. "Yes." Game night was always violent, and always ended with a game of Spoons at the end, which always ended in a trip to the hospital.

That night is awesome. Especially when Paige's uncle and her dad get into a slapping match. They hit like girls.

So I skipped after her, waving to Alexander. "Call me!"

He grinned. "Pinky promise."

I dashed back to lock pinkies with him before running back out into the hallway, where JayTee and Nacho (or The-Mexican-With-The-Strange-Hat, as he is most commonly referred to) were having a dance-off.

Paige was at the edge of the crowd, wearing a jacket from who knows where. She kept whispering, "Anyone wanna buy some cookies?"

"Paige!" I screamed, "Save that for later! we gotta get the hell outta here!"

She gave me a look that would've been strange if I hadn't known her better and slinked away from the crowd. I turned to Alexander and said, "Well, I'd love to stay and party, but I have to drag my friend home before she ends up on the roof again."

He laughed. "I'll call you later tonight, then."

Feeling high on school's-out-adrenaline, I gave him a quick kiss before dashing through the crowd and gleefully shoving Nacho and JayTee out of the way.