There was no way that this would go well, no way. But if I backed out now then that would be the end for me, I'd have to go back to being the girl I was before, being a nobody. And while I hadn't liked it before after I'd had a taste of what it could be like for me if I wasn't that girl the one thing I feared more than anything else was going back to how I used to be. And for that reason I went along with it, even knowing that chances were this night would ruin me.
Spin the bottle. Three innocent words making up a not so innocent game. I knew it wasn't a game to them though, it was a test. They wanted to test me, see if I would go along with them. If a passed I would get to continue being friends with them and that was something I wanted more than anything. These past few weeks since I'd been accepted in to their group I'd been able to do so many things I never thought possible. I'd been invited to the best parties, I'd never been lonely and practically everyone in the school knew my name, knew who I was. If I failed this test all of that would be gone, I would be gone as if I'd never existed. Life would continue for them and for me as it had been before. And just the thought of going back to being the girl with no social life, the girl nobody knew made me feel sick with fear. So whatever they wanted me to do, I would do it if I could. Because nothing could be worse than being rejected, not now I was so close to what I'd always wanted.
I knew it was shallow, wanting to be popular, wanting to be envied. But what girl didn't want it? Even those that denied it, that said being popular wasn't the be all and end all, they were lying, both to others and to themselves. Deep down everyone wanted to be admired and the only question was what were they willing to give up in order to reach popularity. The answer was simple for me, I'd do anything.
So when we sat down in a circle my heart started beating faster and my breaths became short and shallow but I ignored the feelings and focussed on what I wanted, what I'd worked towards for so long and was now within reach. I took a swig out of the bottle of vodka that was next to me and then reached out and span the bottle watching as it made its journey around the circle and then stopped at Amber.
She smiled when it landed on her but it looked more like the grin a tiger would give before it pounced on its prey than anything particularly encouraging. I reminded myself that we were starting out easy, that it was just the start of the night and by the end of the night this would seem like nothing. I watched as she pushed herself up on to her knees and crawled slowly in to the centre of the circle, delighting in the whistles she got from the view that she was giving those behind her. She was wearing tight leather trousers, a look that would have seemed ridiculous on anyone else but on her it just looked sexy as hell and her top was practically non existent, I had bras that used more material.
I shuffled forwards in to the circle looking pathetic in comparison to her when she beckoned me over and I hesitantly pressed my lips against hers. For a moment she didn't move and I was sure I'd done something wrong, already fucked up this early on, but then she pushed me and I landed on my back as she crawled over me to a loud round of cheers from those watching us.
When her lips touched mine it was nothing like the hesitant kiss I'd just given her. She dominated me and seemed powerful and strong in a way I'd never associated with girls before. It was the first time I'd ever kissed a girl, not that I'd had much experience with guys, but it seemed so different. Although her skin and lips were soft the way she kissed was hard and rough, something you'd expect from someone a lot bigger and a lot more male than her. I tried to kiss her back but she was controlling it so much that I couldn't seem to do anything but let her do as she pleased. I flinched and tried to push her away when I felt a sharp sting but she ignored me and I felt the pain again and I realised she was biting my lips hard enough to draw blood
I distantly heard a buzzer go off marking out five minutes as finished as she sat up, still straddling me and looked down at me as if admiring her handy work and that moment I felt about two inches tall. She reached down and rubbed her thumb across my lips as I lay their frozen and it came back covered in her pink lip gloss and my blood. She looked at me a second longer before crawling back to her place and as all eyes were on her I shuffled back to my place as quickly as I could and tried to rub off any blood that would be left on my swollen lips.
The person next to me span the bottle and I watched it anxiously and breathed a sigh of relief when it didn't land on me. I hadn't known what to expect from this game but I had known it wouldn't be fair and had half expected it to land on me every turn so when it didn't I managed to feel calm enough to take another swig of vodka from the bottle. When I looked up Amber was giving me a knowing look and I felt like I couldn't look away from her piercing gaze. I hadn't known her for long, but I'd known her long enough to recognise when she was plotting something, and that was exactly what she was doing at that moment. She was looking like me as if she was the cat and I was the mouse, and I realised that that was exactly what we were in this game.
She was the leader of the group, everyone within followed her and all of their actions were done with the aim of pleasing her, of getting in to her good books. I was the new girl, the one who wanted in and just because I'd been permitted to hang around with them at school it didn't mean I had been accepted in to the group, that's what tonight was for. To see if I would be entertaining enough and resourceful enough for Amber to think it would be worthwhile to keep me around.
You'd think the others in the group may feel sympathetic towards me as most of them had gone through something similar before she'd accepted them as a friend. But they weren't stupid, they may call themselves her friends but they knew one wrong move and they would be out of her good graces and relegated to the corner of the lunch room with the rest of the friendless losers. Show any sympathy to me and they would be showing weakness to her. I didn't blame them for it though, I knew if I was accepted I wouldn't feel sympathy to anyone who tried to join the group after me.
The game continued for a while and most people had been in the circle at least a few times, except for me. It took me a while to notice due to the amount of vodka I had been drinking but even my alcohol muddled brain managed to realise eventually that something wasn't right. I think maybe some sort of realisation may have appeared in my eyes at that moment because when I looked up Amber was staring at me with a pleased expression on her face and I knew that the stakes had just been raised.
"This game is starting to bore me." She didn't speak loudly but everyone heard her, they had all been listening for any comment from her all night, it didn't pay to ignore Amber. "How about we make it a little more interesting?" Immediately everyone nodded, understanding what she meant as if it was something that happened on a regular basis, which it probably was. However as I was still relatively new to the group I was left in the dark as to what that meant, which was probably the whole point of the vague comment.
Amber looked around the circle and signalled for Liam to spin the bottle next. There were about fifteen of us in the group, and the girls outnumbered the guys by far, there were only four of them. Liam was her boyfriend, not that that made him any less likely to get pushed out of the group if Amber wasn't pleased with him, if anything it made him even more likely meaning he'd be willing to do even more to stay in the group. He span the bottle and I wasn't surprised to see it land on me, I'm not sure how they managed to get it to land on me specifically but I was well aware that it wasn't a coincidence, I wasn't stupid enough to think that Amber would play fair.
I moved back in to the centre of the circle once more, and this time sat there with Liam. I sat there uncertainly, I knew the rules had been changed but I had no idea what they had been changed to and I was well aware that there was no one around who would tell me what the change was unless Amber decided she wanted me to know, and I doubted that.
Liam however seemed to know what was expected of us and he pressed his lips against mine and pushed me down on to the floor as Amber had, but he was more gentle than she had been. Not to say that he was being gentle, just that he hadn't yet drawn blood like she had. He continued to kiss me as his hands stroked my sides before slipping under my clothes. I forced my body not to tense up, I knew Amber would notice if I did and I was determined not to let that happen. It didn't matter how far she pushed me, I would go along with it because I wanted this more than anything.
I focussed on kissing him even as I felt him tearing the seams of my expensive top until it was ripped off my body leaving me with just a bra covering the top half of my body. The top had been a gift from Amber when we'd gone shopping earlier on in the day. When she'd got me to try it on and then bought it for me I'd never even considered telling her that it wasn't the kind of top I liked to wear, she knew that already. And before I'd left my room at home after getting changed I'd zipped my jacket up tight despite the heat of the summer night because I knew there was no way my parents would let me go out wearing something like that. There was no way I would wear something like that out of choice but I was well aware that giving up your ability for making decisions for yourself was part of being friends with Amber and so I'd worn it and tried to ignore her knowing look when I'd got in to her car wearing a jacket over it when she came to pick me up to give me a lift to her party. I'd taken the jacket off the moment the car had left my road and when she'd tossed it on to the back seat I knew better than to do anything other than leave it there.
So the loss of the top was not exactly upsetting to me, what was hard to deal with was the fact that I was lying on the ground making out with Amber's boyfriend in a circle of her friends in my bra. But I ignored that fact and continued kissing him, even when his hands travelled down to the skinny jeans I was wearing. I wasn't surprised when he felt his hands pulling down the zip, but I did surprise myself when I lifted my hips to help him pull them down. I couldn't see her face without breaking the kiss but I felt certain that Amber would be pleased and that thought sent a thrill through my body and made me wrap my fingers in to Liam's hair. I distantly felt someone take off my shoes and tug the jeans off where he'd left them bunched at my knees but I ignored that for the fact that his body was now fully on top of mine and I could feel his hardness rubbing against me through his jeans. I swallowed nervously but didn't break the kiss as I realised this could be going further than even I'd assumed it would go. I couldn't stop now though, I was in to deep and if I let go I knew I would drown.
A soft hand touched mine and I knew it wasn't Liam's as his were now under my body fiddling with the clasp on my bra. The hands were female and I knew instantly that they were hers as she guided them down to his jeans, telling me without words what she wanted me to do.
I tried to block all rational thought out of my mind as I felt him finally getting the bra unclasped as I pushed his jeans down, I didn't get them very far down but someone helped me by pulling them off all the way. It was then that I realise, rather belatedly, that he wasn't wearing anything under the jeans and after I'd pulled the t-shirt he was wearing off him he was totally naked. I blocked out all thoughts again and focussed on the cheers that surrounded us as the drunken onlookers got more and more interested in our progress. He pulled my bra straps down my arms and then threw it in to the crowd leading to even louder cheers.
When his hands reached my last remaining piece of clothing I hesitated and knew that everyone had noticed as the area around us got quieter. I had seconds left to choose which way I would go and I knew I was on the edge of shoving him away, but I couldn't afford to let that happen, not now. And so I lifted my hips up again, only a fraction but it was enough permission for him to pull them down and the cheers to start up again.
I felt faintly ill as his hands travelled all over my body, now with no clothing to block them from my skin. He wasn't a bad looking guy, in fact he was one of the best looking guys around, he wouldn't be Amber's boyfriend if he wasn't. But I knew that despite the fact that he was hard he didn't want me, he didn't want to do anything other than please Amber. And it was that thought that made me realise we were exactly the same. We were practically strangers and yet we were about to have sex on the floor in front of all of her friends just because she thought it would be entertaining. That thought didn't put me off however, in fact it made me more determined to go through with it. It didn't mean anything, it was just sex after all. I was a virgin, and I knew that she knew, in fact it was probably the whole reason she'd chosen this as my initiation task. But it didn't matter why she'd chosen it any more, only that she had chosen it and I would go through with it.
When I felt his erection pressing against me I closed my eyes to stop myself from screaming and I kissed him harder, trying to block out everything around us. He pushed in and it hurt, it really hurt and I screamed in to his mouth, but he swallowed my screams with his kisses and continued to thrust in and out of me. Although the pain dulled I didn't really feel any sexual pleasure out of it, I just continued to kiss him until I felt him stiffen and then relax against me.
We were both panting hard and our breathing seemed abnormally loud before I realised that the room had gone silent. And then a pair of hands started clapping slowly and I looked up to see Amber smiling at me before everyone else joined in with the clapping. She nodded at me and I realised that I'd been accepted in to her group, that by giving up my virginity and self respect I'd earned her approval, at least for now. I knew it wouldn't be any easier to keep her approval, if anything it would probably be harder than getting it in the first place, but it was the first step in the beginning of my new life. Suddenly I felt a rush of pleasure fill me and it had nothing to do with the boy on top of me than was just now pulling out of me and pulling his jeans back on, looking fairly pleased with himself in a sleepy sort of way. The pleasure came from gaining Amber's approval and it was a high far greater than anything I'd experience from the alcohol and drugs that I'd been taking in their company these past few weeks. And it was a high that I would soon become addicted to, and would make me willing to do anything to please her.
The party had continued and I'd made my way to one of the bathrooms in her mansion of a house to get cleaned up. When I got out of the shower I saw a new set of clothes laid out for me, no less revealing than the top had been earlier. Only I didn't even have the cover of my jeans this time, it was a short strapless dress that went to about mid thigh which wouldn't have been too bad if she hadn't taken my underwear away. My shoes from earlier were there and I put them on before looking at myself in the mirror. My lips were still swollen and my make-up was smudged around my eyes from where I had failed to remove it properly before my shower. You could tell just by looking that I wasn't wearing any underwear and I knew that that was the point, when I got home I would be in deep trouble with my parents if I got caught sneaking in. Not only for coming home so late but for the fact that I wouldn't even have a jacket to cover myself up with. I couldn't find the energy to care though and as I stepped out of the bathroom I knew that it wouldn't matter even if my parents did see me looking like this because it was just proof that I'd been accepted, and that my life was finally beginning.