i expected them to coo,
"Oh no, that's terrible,"
then turn, and be glad it wasn't them

but no, i hear them,
what they say, what they think.

they feel guilty.
they feel irresponsible.
i feel amazed.

they talk among themselves
in a language i can't understand
a language that is the cause of
all this..
crap.

but they feel for me.
i can't tell it in their expression,
how they haven't stopped discussing it
even once i wasn't in the area.

i thought they were just
bitching about the school,
normal.
but then the girl to my left
explains.

i never expected that.

really.
honestly.
i'm a pretty broad thinker,
and a damn anal analyzer.
but that just kinda makes it worse.

it makes me want to be
left behind
even less.
it makes me want to
keep up with them more.
it makes me wish i would have
known
how serious my situation was.
it makes me think
how much i will miss them,
once they're ahead and i'm stuck.
it makes me wonder
how they can feel so much
for me
when i've only known them a couple months.

but most of all
it makes me think
maybe,
just a slight maybe,
that it'll be alright?
maybe i'll make it through this?

maybe i won't be as alone
as
i always am?