Just a one shot I decided to do for "annoyance" for her Ridiculously Happy Oneshots Contest. See her page for further details. There will be a poll to decide the winner later. Thank you.

-- Has to be a One Shot
-- Has to be more than 2500 words
-- The main pairing must be het (boy/girl)
-- The story must be Ridiculously Happy ( Yes, all entries will be entered into my C2). That means no Angst, Hurt/Comfort. Lets all be happy! Romance, Humor and General are the preferred genres.
-- Add the phrase 'for the Ridiculously Happy OneShots contest' in your summary.
-- All ratings are accepted, but please keep lemons to a minimum.
-- The story must be in the category Fiction -- Romance
-- The story can be in POV of either the boy or the girl"
-- Deadline for story submission is MAY 11
-- PM me the url of your finished story so that I don't have to hunt around for it.
--The story must use irony. (For example, the one thing the boy hates about the girl could be what finally causes him to realize his feelings for her. Be creative!!)
--The girl must be significantly shorter than the guy, and he should make at least 3 comments about this. (Ideally around 1 foot of difference in height.)


"Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!" I screamed, jumping up and down in my place in line. "I can't believe we're finally here!" A group of my friends and I had decided that instead of going on a bogus, cheap senior trip that we would take one of our own. It beat having to sneak out in the middle of the night to get drunk or fanoodle with boys, risk getting caught and getting our asses kicked out of school before we could even graduate.

Being from a small town, and coming from the loins of a drunkard who could not save money if his life depended on it, I had never left my county. So to be in a big city at an amusement park was like a two year old given caffeine. I. Was. Stoked.

"Good luck getting on any of the rides," I heard a drawl from behind me. I squinted my eyes in a very menacing way before turning around to glare at the person. Boy oh boy, my eyes quickly popped, forgetting that the hot-tacular dude had just subtly hinted at my lack of vertical stature. He was a looker. I had to look up to him, but really nothing new there. He was dressed in a pair of sand washed jeans that made his legs look miles long, they were hanging low showing off his plaid boxers and his really boring brown belt, and he had a tight fitting t-shirt on that was green and, well, tight fitting, only hidden by the hoodie he wore over it. He was built like a body builder, oh yeah. Those were some niiiice mus-cles. His face was pretty, yes pretty. He had a thin line of hair that connected to his short sideburns and went all along his jaw. His hair was a dark brown color, but it had a red tint to it. It was long-ish and curly. His eyes were a pretty honey color. I couldn't tell about his smile though, he wasn't smiling, he was looking absolutely bored out of his skull.

"Excuse me?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips, after I was done checking him out.

"You won't meet the height requirements for most of the rides shorty. You might be able to get on the carousel, if they're feeling extraordinarily nice," he said with a smirk. I squished my eyebrows together and pouted my lips, which I saw his eyes move to. I may have been short, but nobody could peg me for being young considering my well developed body… Unless I wanted them to.

"You know, you'd be really pretty if you weren't a jerk," I told him seriously, I saw his jaw slack a little bit before I turned around and gave my attention back to my friends. I wasn't about to let some giant step on my fun time with his over sized feet.


The wait to get into the place was so long I was about to jump out of my skin with anticipation. People must have thought I had to go to the bathroom with the way I was dancing along. It didn't help that I had to hear the annoying voice of Sir. Dickhead behind me. I swear I heard a few comments about midgets and the phrase vertically retarded a few times. Who says that? Vertically retarded, seriously. Give me a break. I could feel somebody staring at me and I whipped my head around so hard it caused my hair to fly into my face. I spit it out of my mouth and glared at Mr. Almost Hottie again and I found him smirking.

"Where are you from munchkin?" He asked me. I raised an eyebrow.

"From the Land of Oz, obviously," I deadpanned. He laughed, and showed off his sparkling white teeth. I was stunned for a moment. Man, but he was a specimen of perfection, in the physical sense.

"No, seriously," he said, his laughter quieting down. It made me nervous that all of his friends were staring at me too.

"Up north, small town you've probably never heard of," I informed him.

"I bet you I live there," he said. "I'm surprised you haven't noticed me around," my mouth dropped as he said this. Oh, he was a cocky bitch for sure. He unzipped his hoodie and I noticed his shirt did have the name of my town on it.

"Man, it's too bad that good looks are a wasted effort on you," I said with a sorrowful sigh. That wiped the smirk off of his face. He looked deep in thought for a minute before he scowled

"You know what," he said sounding a little miffed he then shook his head and changed his mind about what he was going to say. "What's your name?" He asked, but at the same time my friend John spun me around because it was our time to pay for tickets. Good thing that John and I look a lot alike. He pretended to be my parent while I put on the googly eyes of a little kid and talked in a baby voice. My height, or lack there of was good for something at least.

I turned my head over my shoulder and waved coquettishly to the man behind me. I smiled smugly, he never did find out my name.


Despite what jerk face had said about my height, I was exactly the right height for me to go on the rides. It had helped that I spiked my hair up a little bit on top to add an inch. And ride all those fabulously scary rides I did. I came all that way I was not about to miss anything. I made my way to one of the food venders watching all of the people around me. I had lost my group a long time ago, but it didn't matter, I was always somewhat of a loner. Plus, nobody else liked to people watch with me.

I bought a hot dog with all the toppings except for onions, yuck, onions should be illegal I say. And I bought a huge thing of chili cheese fries and an elephant ear, and to down all those wonderful calories, an extra large Mountain Dew. I was just about ready to pig out when someone sat next to me. I looked up with a smile, going to be welcoming to anyone who wanted to sit with a midget girl with enough food for an army. My smile dropped before I could stop it when I saw who it was. It was the giant who was behind me in line. I rolled my eyes at him and took a big messy bite out of my hot dog, making a humming noise of delight when the condiment covered goodness entered my mouth.

"I never did catch your name little girl," he said. I choked back a laugh, taking a gulp of my beverage to make everything go down smoothly.

"Do you know how creepy that makes you sound? It would be like me calling you a… A… A something creepy," I hit myself in my head to maybe jar my brain into some more creative thinking.

"Yeah, that was pretty creepy wasn't it?" He asked with a smile. Did he bleach his teeth or what? They sparkled in the sunlight. I took another bite of my hot dog, watching a particular couple of guys, they were walking so close together they could have been one person, but their hands weren't connected. They kept leaning towards each other to talk and they both ended up laughing every time, I swear I saw one of them pat the other one on the butt.

"In the closet or out?" I asked out loud. If the giant was going to keep me company, he would have to people watch with me.

"Excuse me?" He asked, sounding horrified. I looked at his face and his eyes had gotten wide and he had the look on his face like someone had just puked in his mouth.

"Those guys," I said, pointing to the pair of guys who were slowly getting too far away to see. He followed the direction of my finger.

"In," he said, nodding his head. "I bet that they both have girlfriends too, to make the in-the-closet-ness more legit," he said. I smiled.

"You people watch too? I make up stories all the time about people I see. I would have guessed that one has a Nazi father, and the other one is on the football team. They have two forces going against them, a homophobe dad and a macho gang of friends," I told him. He nodded.

"Which could be the reason they both have girlfriends," he said and stole a fry from me. I glared at him. "Oh, like you were going to eat all of those," he said skeptically. My eyes widened.

"Oh sir, I may be small but I have a stomach that's the size of a black hole. My pa says that someday I'm going to be old and fat, that it'll all catch up to me, but I don't care. I just love to eat," I said stuffing four fries in my mouth at a time to prove my point. But it set my whole routine off schedule since I was not yet finished with my hot dog. I cursed in my head. Leave it to men to ruin everything. I wiped some of the chili from the fries off on my pants and stuck out my hand to the guy.

"The name's Maddie," I said as he took my hand.

"Alfred," he said in return, shaking the hand he had grabbed. I gave it a squeeze and dropped it.

"Can I call you Emerson?" I asked him before taking another bite of my fries. He looked at me like I had lost my mind.

"Why would you call me Emerson?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I've always wanted to know somebody named Emerson, and none of my friends will change their names. Plus I've known them for so long, it'd be weird trying to get out of the habit of calling them their birth names. Since I don't know you, I'm not use to calling you anything at all," I explained, taking a noisy slurp of my drink. He laughed.

"Honey, you can call me whatever you want," he said with a smile on his face.

"Nah, that's too much of a mouthful. I'll stick with Emerson," I said, nodding my head. He tilted his head to the side.

"What's too much of a mouthful?" He asked. I sighed. Nobody ever got my corny little jokes.

"You told me to call you 'whatever you want', and it's just too much work. If I want your attention it's so much easier to say 'Hey, Emerson!' Rather than, 'Hey, Whatever You Want!" I explained. He laughed again and I found myself increasingly loving the sound.

"Man, but you're cuter than I thought before, even if you are somewhat offensive" he said with another lovely laugh. I didn't know whether to smile or frown. I did the previous, deciding to ignore his remark about me being offensive.

"And I really don't even have to try. It's a natural talent," I said smugly, finishing off my hot dog.

"Do you want to hang out with me the rest of the day?" He asked me. I raised an eyebrow.

"Where did your friends go?" I asked.

"Where did your friends go?" He said, emphasizing the 'your'.

"Don't know, don't care. I knew I was going to end up by myself. I prefer it that way most times. Even though they're my best friends, they just don't get me sometimes. So I left to people watch and scream my lungs out on the big rides," I explained.

"Want to know the truth?" He asked. I rolled my eyes.

"No, I always want you to lie to me," I said with just a touch of sarcasm… Okay a whole boiling pot of sarcasm. He grinned.

"I ditched them to come find you," he said, not embarrassed in the least.

"Woah, this is so cool!" I exclaimed.

"What is?"

"I've never had a stalker before. At least you're pretty, you could use a little attitude adjustment, but you're still pretty. When people ask me if I have a stalker, I'll say, 'yeah, it's the pretty boy following me, but don't try to talk to him, he's a little testy.'"

"You are the strangest little person I have ever met in my life," he muttered. I smiled.

"I'll take that as a compliment Sir stalks-a-lot," I said with a grin. I finished downing my Mountain Dew and stood up to throw my trash away, but Emerson Alfred beat me to it. "Hey thanks, pal," I said before standing and waiting for him.

"No problem, what do you want to do?" He asked me, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"I don't know, what do you want to do?" I said, mimicking his actions, though my pockets were a little harder to get into because of my tight pants.

"I don't know, what do you want to do?" He asked again. I laughed.

"Oh, don't start that again," I said putting on a mock accent, quoting the Jungle Book. He looked at me confused.

"Again?" He asked. I sighed.

"Please tell me you didn't have so much of a deprived child hood that you've never seen the Jungle Book!"

"Oh, yeah. I've seen it. Not recently though. Those little vulture guys right?" He asked. I nodded and began to walk, no destination really in mind.


We went on almost everything, bantered back and forth, and laughed a lot. He was okay once you got by the egotistical part of him. I felt like Alfred-Emerson and I had been friends for years, not just hours.

"Alright, there's just one ride we haven't been on besides the kiddie rides," he said. I put a finger to my chin, tapping it lightly. I couldn't remember what we hadn't been on.

"What'd we miss? I want to go on everything!" I said excitedly. He paused for a minute, just staring at me. "Okay creeper, you're doing your creepy thing again with the staring and the eyes," I said nervously. He shook his head with a small smile.

"The love boat," he said. I cocked my head. "That's the one we haven't been on," he explained. My eyes widened. I hadn't remembered that one.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" I asked and began walking in the direction of it.

"You aren't afraid to go on it with an almost complete stranger?" He asked, easily keeping up with my fast pace. Every three steps I took equaled one for him.

"Emmers, come on, it's like we've known each other for years," I didn't have a problem admitting it. He shrugged.

"Alright," he agreed as we got to the line. "So, what brings you here?" He asked. Despite all that we had talked about, we hadn't really talked about anything relating to our own person.

"Senior trip. The gang and I planned our own because when you're with a big group of high school kids, with chaperones and curfews and stuff, it's just no fun. While we're here by ourselves, we can do whatever we want," I explained. He nodded his head. "Next time though, I'm going to rethink the amusement park. The lines are way too long and I'm totally not patient enough," I said as I looked at the line in front of us with sad eyes. He smiled. "Anyway, why are you here?" I asked.

"Something to celebrate the end of the semester at college. I got through my freshman year and I'm still alive," he said.

"Oh college," I said with a sigh. "I just get out of thirteen years of mandatory school and I'm going to torment myself with even more school."

"Where are you going?"

"The community college first. I'm going to do my basic classes, it's much cheaper than going away and I really don't have the money for that."

"Yeah, that's what I'm doing. So I'll see you there next year," he said with one of his million dollar smiles. I returned it.

"For sure," I agreed as we got to the front of the line. We stepped into a boat that was shaped like a swan and were pushed into a tunnel. They had the sappiest love music playing, with pictures on the walls of lovey dovey romance stuff.

"Can I confess something?" He asked, it was the first time I had heard him sound timid. I raised an eyebrow, though he could barely see me because the lights were dim.

"Did you bring me in here to kill me? Because it'll look pretty suspicious coming out of this place by yourself," I told him. He chuckled.

"No, but what I'm going to say is probably going to sound weird."

"Hit me with your best shot. I'm as weird as they come Emerson."

"Alright," he hesitated before continuing on. "I've actually seen you around town, and I saw you in school and I've always been attracted to you, even if you are a midget. And so it was really weird and completely awesome that we came here on the same day and I was right behind you in line. I had no idea what to expect of your personality, but I am pleasantly surprised," he paused again, letting me digest what I'd heard I imagine. "I have to admit, when you first talked to me, while we were in line I was a little put off. Not to sound arrogant, but girls don't usually tell me straight up that I'm a dick. It kind of hurt my ego when you did that. But I realized that I like how up front you are with me. I don't have to worry about you lying to me," he finished, not looking at me.

"Well, now I really can call you sir-stalks-a-lot," I said with a laugh. I wasn't creeped out, I was flattered. Nobody had ever really shown an interest in me before. "So what now? You've met me, you like me, you think I'm cute. Where do we go from here?" I asked.

"What do you think about me?" He asked. "Weird, I've never asked a girl that before," he said and scratched the back of his neck.

"Well, you put up with my semi-psychotic ways, you're pretty, and you laugh at my stupid jokes. I'd say you're a winner," I told him with a smile. He returned it and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. Even though I'd only known him for a few hours, I wasn't uncomfortable, I've always been a touchy feely person.

"So want to go on a date with me?" He asked.

"Heck yes," I'd never been on a date before. The boat ride came to an end and we got off and held hands as we walked. Before I met up with my friends, Emerson turned to me.

"How do you feel about kissing before the first date?" He asked, hesitantly. I smiled.

"I'd say it would be okay, since you didn't ask me to do it on that cheesy love boat," I told him. He laughed before his face descended to mine. His lips were soft and warm and they melted against mine. The butterflies in my stomach were trying to break loose with all their fluttering. He brought a hand up to my face and stroked my cheek with his thumb. I leaned into him more and felt his tongue slide against my lips. I gasped at the new feeling and his tongue made its way into my mouth, rubbing against mine which caused a whole new feeling to go through my body. It was heavenly. He pulled away after a minute.

"If we're going to be doing that more often, I would recommend you wear heels," he said breathlessly. Well, that's a weird thing to say after making out with somebody.

"Why?" I asked, I knew my confusion was showing clearly on my face.

"Because I don't want to get a neck strain every time I kiss you, shorty," He said good naturedly. I rolled my eyes before he kissed me again.


Feedback would be appreciated, I'm not one for writing humor really, so this was a challenge for real. Review please? And if you like it you can vote for me on "annoyance"s profile later. Thank you much. :D