Oh, it was a sunny day, and everything was great
Despite that my alarm clock died which made me wake up late
I hurried to the bathroom; brushed my teeth and washed my hair
Instead of shampoo, though, I accidentally grabbed the Nair®
And as for the toothpaste; I didn't have a clue
That somebody had switched it for a tube of SuperGlue

My teeth were glued together, but I guess that was okay
I had no food to eat for breakfast that day anyway
I pulled on my jacket and my boots and grabbed my keys
And ran out the door to catch the bus to work when … "Jeez!"
My neighbour stood there, with a big grin plastered 'cross his face
I mentally regretted that I hadn't brought the Mace

"I couldn't help but hear you", he said, "yesterday, 'round ten.
You were using taps, though there are people sleeping then!"
I mumbled an apology and tried to sneak outside
But he came after me so I ran off and tried to hide
I got around a corner, held my breath, noticed a smell
I had stepped in dog poo, of course, oh, this day was Hell.

When I had lost my neighbour, I ran to catch the bus
It left about ten seconds before I got there, so thus
I had to walk to work, but I suppose that was good too
'Cause it gave me a chance to get the dog poo off my shoe
When I walked past a puddle, a car came speeding by
A second later, not a spot on my body was dry

I finally reached work, and trotted casually down the hall
And then my boss saw me and had me pinned against the wall
"You're soaking wet, you smell and you are so so not on time!"
He glared at me as if I'd been convicted of some crime
My teeth were stuck together, so I couldn't really speak
So my boss told me to get out, get lost, 'til next week

I started walking homewards, what else was I to do?
Two little boys stopped and stared and pointed, yelling "Ew!"
I ignored the little brats, and then let out a wail
Something had hit my head – I looked up – it started to hail
I stopped and thought; Have I been hit by some bad luck-ish curse?
Out loud I said "Can this day POSSIBLY get any worse?"

I shouldn't have said that, I know, in retrospect
As I was suddenly attacked by some religious sect
They clubbed me down and there was blissful darkness for a while
I woke up later, looked around and thought "Well, they have style"
They stood around me, in a circle, chanting something weird
Then all the lights went out and they shut up as something neared

It was an Evil Presence, that much I could feel
Someone behind me grabbed me, and I was forced to kneel
I needed to get out, but I had no idea of how
I sighed and thought "I'd really need a Winchester right now,
And if there would be one (or two) they really ought to hurry!"
Unfortunately, there was none, but I didn't have to worry

'Cause that was when the aliens chose to beam me up
I blinked and looked around, shrugged and whispered "'sup?"
Then there was the questioning, the probing and the light
They dropped me off outside the city hall; high as a kite
Policemen came and grabbed me, and threw me in a cell
Which was inhabited by guys who could punch pretty well

When I got home that evening, and staggered through the door
I stumbled on my cat and thus collapsed onto the floor
The damn cat hissed at me, got through the door and ran away
I didn't have the energy (or heart) to make it stay
As I thought about the day, and held my aching head
I thought "Some days you really really should just stay in bed"

***

Disclaimer: I don't own Nair, Colgate, SuperGlue, Mace, the Winchesters or the cat mentioned in this poem.