1) Boxes are not to be used as super cool hiding spots.
2) Or made into forts and taken to battle!
3) We may not wage war against the store next door (again).
4) The wood carver is not a toy.
5) Writing "SAVE ME" on the side of the counter with the wood carver is not funny.
6) Writing on my shoe with the word carver is not an appropriate use of my time.
7) Blowing bubbles is not a productive use of my time.
8) Our delivery man is not Kirk Hammett, and we are not to steal his truck.
9) The "no employee dating" rule also applies to delivery man.
10) Anyone caught with a cell phone on clock will be tarred, feathered, and carted through the Trader Joe's parking lot until the punisher sees fit to end it. (or death)
11) Employees will not perform Exorcisms on piñatas (again).
12) Boss does not care what the store next door is doing, rules are rules.
13) Regardless of the blatant creepiness of the multiple-head hat display, it must be kept up front.
14) Refrain at all times from putting store phone in pants (this also applies to female employees).
15) The "lovely tickle sensation" may no longer be used as an excuse!
16) Flags are not to be worn as capes.
17) And superhero Sunday has been found out and will no longer be tolerated!
18) Employees may no longer buy silly string!
19) Employees are not to show up to work drunk to work anymore.
20) Employees are also not to show up stoned to work anymore.
21) If employees are caught putting condoms into balloons again they will be charged.
22) The boss now agrees that the flower piñata looks like a vagina and may be taken down.
23) If anyone is caught singing a song from "Rocky Horror" again they will lose all shifts for that week.
24) Regardless of how clever employees may think they are the boss will not start selling alcohol.
25) Rubber bands are to be used only as rubber bands.
26) Employees will stop filling out fake applications. (And no, boss does not think O.J. Napoleon is funny. However boss does find "recommended pay: pi " funny.),
27) The balloon delivery van is not to be referred to as the "pedo-van". (Even if it totally looks like one).