The ironic part is,
I can't stop caring.
I know, it's stupid
"That's just the way I roll",
Is what he'd say;
Convinced that somewhere,
Everything would be fine.
Each time I close my eyes,
I'm forced to re-watch memories of better times,
Of January, of happiness and nights that never ended;
Of mornings that never seemed to come too soon.
I remember seeing you again,
I was terrified
I was overjoyed.
I was tying my own fucking noose.
Oh, and you'll say you see it
Promise you understand
And try to console me by saying things
Like "You're so Lucky"
And "Don't give up what you have".
And what exactly do I have?
Arguments over nothing? Ignoring everything?
Knife wounds and bruises and too much blood on my carpet?
I've got a lead weight dragging me back into misery,
I've got attachments that would make a madman laugh
I've got so many problems
I'm amazed that you're not in love with me.
With your messiah-complex,
Your need to be needed that mirrors mine
Oh, we're the same monster, Honey.
Cut from the same wretched cloth,
You've got a few less holes.
You're still usable,
You're still worth
Running away from
It's just like old times, isn't it baby?
Just like how it should be.
I'm watching you with someone else.
I'm setting my life on the side to watch you be happy,
To try and fix the problems you don't want to touch
To keep taping and re-taping something that's disintegrating.
I'm a fucking idiot.
Is it too late to apologize
For ever answering the door
On that August afternoon?
Is it too late to still say
"I Told you So"
Each time you swear you'll never hate me?
Is it too soon
For me to say goodbye,
To make things easier on every single one of you?
Is it too much to ask
That for once in my life,
Someone that I love stays around,
And actually wants to?