Uncertain Fool

By: Faithmemory

Those jade-colored eyes, peach lips, black silky hair, his height and image of intelligence. His posture, his hands tucked inside his side pockets and his glasses twinkles every time the sun's light goes right through it. I'm in love with this guy! I'm in love with him since the very first day of my high school life. When I first saw him, 'perfect' was my first impression of him. He's good-looking, tall, and down to earth. For those reasons, he stands out. Little by little I learned things about him. He is from the star-section of our department, a genius and loved by all girls in our campus. He is also part of the student counsel, he's actually the president.

"Aya-chan!" a familiar voice called me from behind. I'm standing at the second floor of our high school building, watching Wataru-senpai sitting calmly on a bench at our school garden, holding a book with his glasses.

Aww…with his prince-like image. The transparent rays from the sun shines at him like a spot light bringing that black hair of his, a glossy look and his skin glittering away. He is reading a book that is quite think and broad. I think its science.

I turned around, "Yeah?" I reply to my friend who is running towards me, "What is it, Nami?" I asked her.

She stops in front of me, bending down with her hands on her knees, gasping for air. I laugh at her, from watching her breath in a hasty manner; I turned around and saw Wataru-sempai walking towards us. I quickly bowed my head to hide my blushing face. Nami bowed hers too. "Ohayou! Wataru-sempai" Nami greeted casually. I just gulped down and cleared my throat.

He stopped in front of me, "Ohayou! Nami-chan" he greeted back at her, and then he bends down to meet my eyes. "Ohayou, Aya-chan" he said with a smile on his face. That was the most charming voice I have ever heard in my whole life.

I quickly stand straight and start to panic, "Ohayou…Wataru-sempai" I replied to him, blushing and sweating like I ran a mile or so. He walked pass us, holding his book. "I really like his back…" I sighed.

Nami chuckled, "Come on! Class is going to start! What is so special about his back anyway?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

His back is so manly; he looks physically powerful even if you are just staring at his back. I can recognize him even if he's not facing me, his back, I know it. I like him even more! After knowing him bit by bit with a slight help with an out-going friend like, Nami, I made friendship with him. Even though he's three years older than I am, somehow, we clicked. He like things I like, like in sports, movies, music, books and stuffs. I like him so much, that I want to confess my love for him, right this very moment.

Classes dismissed. I went to my looker room to get some books so I could bring them back home and study them carefully. As I walk, I saw images of Wataru-sempai floating inside my head, gorgeous images. "Woah, I'm completely falling for him!" I thought, hugging a pillar. The school hall was empty, well, it should be. I mean it's already five o'clock. "My head hurts. I hate club meetings... It always lasts for an hour. I always end up going home pretty late..." Though I love photography club.

As I walk the hall, I saw him… "Wataru-sempai, what is he doing here this time?" His back is so familiar. The sunset's rays shines at his black hair, giving off some of its glossy look again. "That is definitely Wataru-sempai, that hair, that back, that's him." He is walking towards the exit door holding his bag with his two hands at the back of his head. My heart skips another beat. "I like him so much… no… I think I love him." This is my first time admiring someone who gives me a weird feeling. My first time liking someone, I want to confess my love for him, right away!

I ran to him without even thinking what to do or what to say and I stopped in front of him then bowed my head, "I—I like you!" I shouted as I quiver, my eyes are tightly shut. I raised my head to see his reaction but—

"Gahh! He's not Wataru-sempai!" My head began to daze and my surrounding seems to go in circles. This guy… He has black hair just like Wataru-sempai, "OH NO! A wrong person! What should I do? So embarrassing!" I can't maintain my straight stand anymore! I could not understand what I'm feeling right now. How embarrassing, I bet he thinks so highly of himself now and thinking how flirty I am! NO!

I saw him blush then start to scratch the back of his head. "I like you too…" he said with a really huge profound voice.

Stunned, "What—the heck—is—this?"

His eyes are deep and black, his tall too just like Wataru-sempai. Though after standing close to him I realize that his taller than Wataru-sempai. His eyebrows thick, pointy nose and his hair, it's a mess. Why did I even think that this person is the person I admire most? Because of that really really awkward confession, we ended up being on this chocolate shop. One of his favorite place, he said.

"So does this mean… we'll go out?" he asked while placing a cup of hot cocoa drink on our table. He said it so casually. Why is he like this?

I still could not believe that he likes me, HA! I just can't believe it. Kamazawa Daiki, in class D, with two skull piercing in his right ear, likes me? Gezz, he's so far from Wataru-sempai. And with a hundred guys at school, why this guy?

"You there?" he asked me, snapping his fingers in front of me.

"Ah! Yeah, still here..." I answered, feeling a bit dumb and tired. I should I even tell him the truth? "No, if I tell him that he's not the one I like... He'll definitely look stupid."

I took a quick drink at my cup decorated by cute chocolate bars. And, it tastes really good. "Wahh... I love chocolates…" I can't believe that a guy like him likes this kind of shop.

"Taste great, right?" he asked with a gentle smile on his face. I was caught for a moment by his mild smile. I just could not believe that, a guy from class D and with a lot of bad rumors, likes meand chocolates.

I placed my cup down, "Yap! Chocolate does taste great!" I replied to him cheerfully.

For some reason, I pity him when he confessed his love for me, because, I don't know him and never liked him. The person I like is Wataru-sempai, the confession was meant for him. I just mistakenly thought that he was him, a mistake. I don't want him to feel stupid or be embarrassed, so I won't tell him the truth yet. Looking at him take his first sip at his cup, is quite depressing. Just like this bitter sweet cocoa drink.

"WHAT?" Nami screeched, "You confessed to the wrong guy?" she continued with a really annoying look on her face. She's always like this.

"Yep~" I said with my half eye closed, "A really stupid mistake!" I added as I drop my face directly on the table because of despair.

Nami quickly sat down on the chair next to mine, "Tell me what happened!!" she ordered excitedly. Annoying. Well, she's my best friend after all. I raised my head and faced her; I grab her cheeks and drag it close to mine, "I confessed to a wrong guy!"

"AND?"

"The darn guy, confessed back…" I said timidly, releasing her cheeks. It was sad.

"EHH~?!" she yelled with disbelief, her hands on her face. She must think I'm so stupid with these kinds of stuffs. I knew she'll act like that. But Wataru-sempai's back… I was wrong. And because of the careless mistake, I met him.

"Yeah… and the worst part is…" I continue. Nami calmed down and looked a bit excited hearing the 'worst part'. "The guy's name is… Kamazawa Daiki."

I can't explain how creepy Nami's reaction. She was so clueless and I can obviously predict that she could not believe the name. Nami sat back at her chair, "Talk about bad luck, that guy is the leader of some bad-ass assembly…" she said while rocking her chair.

I won't believe it yet. Seeing his smile yesterday, I think it's a mistake. Yeah, he may look like a 'fox' - what? Did I just call him a fox? Anyway, yeah, he may look like that, but there is something special in his warm smile. And he likes chocolate, so, what kind of bad guy likes chocolate? I know those rumors and I may have believed it in the past, but now, I have doubts that they're true.

I can't believe I'm lying. I'm stuck with the guy I don't even know, because of a slip-up and misunderstanding. I don't want to see him feeling stupid, he likes me, and it's a shame in his part if I tell him that my confession is not meant for him. Yes, I'm this kind of person. I hide things that could hurt others. But, does he really like me?

"Another day... is done, so fast," I said as I close my locker. This is the place where I met him, three weeks ago. I turned around and saw Wataru-sempai doing laps in the school field. He's beautiful, the sweat he gives out, and showers away as he run, and the sun shines through it that made it glitter. No mistake, it's really him. Seeing him run gracefully made my day. It's been like a week or something since I last saw him.

Even if I confessed to the wrong guy, the real person I like is Wataru-sempai. And nothing could ever change that, my love for him is everlasting. He's pure, intelligent and thoughtful. I can see him being like that with his friends and family.

"Aya…" a deep voice called me from behind. With wonder, I turned around and saw him… Kamazawa Daiki standing in the hall way with his head leaning against the wall and the orange sunset light behind him traces the edges of his body. He's there watching me all this time.

I'm not being fair to this guy, huh? He is giving me so much love, but, I couldn't give it back to him. His dark eyes are so dense, he doesn't have any idea how I play tricks on him. I pity him even more.

"Let's walk home together," he invited with a plain look on his face. I really don't know what he feels. But looking at his face, I think he worries about something. His eyes, they're plain and blank. His face looks gentle and timid; quite a far description to what Nami had described him to be.

I turned around again to see Wataru-sempai, he's gone. "I bet he went home already" I turned to Daiki again and I saw him wear his most gentle smile, waiting for me. With a bit of hesitation, "Okay…" I replied to him.

It's been a week Daiki and I going home together. I don't like it; I'm just fooling him and myself. I'm scared to tell him the truth, but why? I'm getting tired of myself thinking about these stuffs. I'm getting really boring!

We always walk together from that day on. Walking pass by the river behind our school is already a routine for us, watching the sunset every time the day ends. We pause at the top of a little cliff before the small river, and watch the sunset.

As we wait for the sun to hide behind the massive mountains, I looked at Daiki and he was staring cautiously at the sun. The deep orange color of the sun painted his face. He's quiet, always quiet. I can hear my wrist watch ticking, I glance at it and it's almost six o'clock. I look back to the sun and saw it slowly going down, behind the mountains. Beautiful scenery, I always wait for this, I mean, WE always wait for this. And I'm happy, that Daiki allowed us to see it again.

"Hey." he started.

I look at him and still, he stares straight at the sun setting down, wearing his most serious face. "What is it?" I asked him.

"I have something for you…" he said as he reaches for something in his empty bag. I always thought that guys at class D doesn't care about schooling. This is why their bags look so empty and weighs like feather all the time.

"Here…" he said, giving me a 'keychain' that twinkled for a second because of the sun shining through it. I saw a keychain shaped like a chocolate bar with a little ribbon on it. So pretty, so cute, I like it. I took it without saying anything. Saw him scratching at the back of his head. Aww, he's embarrassed and he's blushing…This is funny.

"Thank you…" I said cheerfully as I clutch the keychain tightly. Then I saw him continuously reaching and looking at his bag. He lifted a lot of things out of his bag. A pink braid phone strap, another keychain with a camera design, a bracelet with all the colors of the rainbow, a cute hair-band and a pink pen. It was touching, I want to cry. I'm so speechless; my hands are shaking as he puts them. "Thank you…" I cried.

I'm so happy! I have never expected this to happen. I think I'm smiling, made me really happy. I'm so touched, I want to cry and laugh all together.

"That's all I got…" he said, zipping his bag again. He stared at me and shock to see me in tears. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked.

"No, you did something really lovable…" I told him, and more tears came running down my cheeks. I realize that half of the sun is now hidden behind the mountains, reminds me of the hidden truth between me and him.

"Are you in a hurry…going home?" he asked breaking the silence again.

I'm such an idiot still hugging the stuffs he gave me. I look at him and he smile at me, "No." said. I wouldn't want to go home anymore, after this.

"Let's go astray in the city!" he said with a huge grin in his face. His voice was so loud and uplifting. He grabbed my hand and pulled me and we started running.

We went to arcade and played a lot of games, his treat! It's getting late and we're still here enjoying every second. The colorful light from the buildings twinkles like Daiki's eyes. We went walking around the busy city of the night, and my key chains swing in my bag. I want the time to stop. It feels like I'm not hiding any secret. It seems that after this night, I'll like Daiki more and more!

We stopped by "Platonic", Daiki's favorite chocolate shop, that same shop we went to the first time we met. We entered the shop and I smell the delicious chocolate aroma. I love chocolate. He ordered two cocoa drinks, my favorite and sat down in a table next to a huge window that could see the liveliness of the night streets. Eh? Something strikes me just now… a question. I look at Daiki who was sitting at the chair in front of me.

"Daiki…" I whispered, and I think he heard me very well, that he looks back at me immediately.

"What is it?" he asked. I don't know why I'm quite hesitant to ask him this question I got in my mind just now. Silence again was felt between us, so uncomfortable.

"What made you like me?" I asked him, straight forward. He leans in his seat and I saw a smirk, and he crossed his arms at the lower part of his huge chest. Does he think I'm joking asking him that question?

"Saw you at the opening ceremony at the start of high school…" he said still on that position, "And I like you ever since then…" he added. Is he joking? I'm having doubts.

"Love at first sight?" I asked him. I really don't like things like that; it's not love at all, liking someone just because you saw the person, not that effective. I saw Wataru-sempai at first, but I learn things about him… that made me like him. But this, Love at first sight?

"No…" he said in a deep tone, "From then on, I began watching you. Up until you confessed your feelings for me…" he said resting his face in his huge hand, his elbow on the table. Up until I confessed my feelings for him… oh yeah, the mistake that I've done. He sat straight and place his long arms at the table, "I like everything about you…" he then said.

"But, you don't know me yet" I whined frowning. I want more reasons!

He leaned back again and placed his arms on his bosom, "I know. That is why I want to spend a lot of time with you, so I could learn other things I like."

"So, you already like everything about me, even if you still don't know what they are?" I asked in a confused way.

"In short, I will like you no matter who you are…"

I think this is wrong. Will you still like me even if I tell you that the confession is not meant for you? Will you still like me or will you hate me? Wataru-sempai is the one I really like and nothing could change that. That was me in the past.

"Why are you crying?" I heard him asked. I realized tears are flowing down on my eyes, warm tears from my eyes. The bitterness and aches that I feel right now, is unbearable.

And I have to say that, that was the sweetest phrase I have ever heard. I'm happy that you confessed your feelings for me for the second time. But, I don't deserve it. It's nice to sit here, enjoying a hot cocoa drink together with you. I don't deserve such love like this. It's too unfair for you.

I think what happened yesterday made Daiki worry. I didn't realize that I was crying in front of him already. We separated in an awkward way. I wasn't able to tell him the truth. But his words yesterday, changed something in me. I'm not sure what that is but, I feel like I'm not 'me' right now.

Here I' am walking alone in a busy hall way. I glimpse at the window beside me. Ahh, its Wataru-sempai sitting in the garden bench again. I stopped there for a minute to stare at him. Creepy, huh. I missed him and never talked to him for a long time now. Eh? He's looking this way!

There he is looking at my way, looking at the second floor of the building. He smiles at me and then waves. I smile back at him but didn't wave. He raised his hand and made a sign of 'come here'. Yeah, I read it. He wants me to go there I'm sure.

So I went running down with random thoughts in my head. Finally, I get to talk to him now, alone! This is my chance to confess to the right person, to Wataru-sempai. I run down the stairs like crazy, but not as nervous as I was the last time I saw him.

As I reached the school garden, I saw him standing there. Smiling at me, a bit weird though even if I'm looking at him directly, I'm not feeling same as before. Wataru-sempai is the person I like, right? But, why do 'am I not feel so excited right now.

We sat the bench he was sitting at earlier. This is a bit uncomfortable sitting next to him in this situation. I could clearly hear the sound of the birds' wings, flying from one branch to another. The huge tree at our back covers the bright sun above us. And the shadow of the leaves in the ground looks as nostalgic as it sways.

"I've got two tickets for a movie tomorrow…" he started, "Will you come with me? I think you'll love it." he said. I'm shock. Is he asking me out?

"Why me?" I asked looking straight to his face.

"Well, I asked Nami-chan but she told me that you like this kind of movie," he said.

That made me feel a bit disappointed for some reason. I bow my head and felt a bit weird. This is not right, I'm getting really confused.

I really thought that this will make me happy. Wataru-sempai, is asking me out for a movie, because Nami told him to. I should be happy by now even with that disappointing reason, but like I've said before… I've changed. Something changed.

"What? You declined his offer?" Nami shouted again, with disbelief. I'm always surprising her, right?

"Yeah, I didn't accept the invitation…" I replied in a sleepy tone.

"But why? I thought you like him?"

"Yeah, I do like him, but I can't right now."

She sat next to me and she place her hand in my shoulder, "Is it because of Kamazawa?" she asked.

Wow. I couldn't answer her question. I can straightly say "NO" but I just couldn't lie anymore. I had enough lies! I can't lie to myself anymore; I don't want to be fooling around anymore. Yes, it's because of Daiki!

"Listen to me…" Nami said, "You guys started, because of your clumsy mistake. You confessed to him because you 'thought' that he's Wataru-sempai, right? Now, you HAVE TO just dump him and confess to the RIGHT guy already, Aya!" she said desperately, echoes of her voice shuttled unto my spine. I pushed her away from me. That is so STUPID! I thought. Well, it is! I can never do that to Daiki. Why should I? I'm the stupid here!

Before I could open my mouth and defend Daiki, I saw him… standing outside of our classroom door, holding a box, and plainly looking at me. I don't really know what's playing in his mind. His mouth is half open and his eyes look like he had seen something really scary. His face, he looks really shock and mad.

"Daiki…" I whispered as I walk my way to him, slowly.

Nami removed her arms around my shoulder and turned around; she was shock to see him there too, which made her cover her wide open mouth. Awkwardsilence, we met again. His hand other hand slid down our wooden wall and I saw him bit his lips. He turned and left.

"Aya, sorry…" Nami cried, holding my shoulders again.

"I'm crying aren't I?" I asked her, I feel lost and friendless; tears came down my cheeks as I walk to the door, "I loved him…" I cried.

"Aya…"

But instead of giving up, I ran after him. Running, in empty lonely corridor, I searched the lobby. The hall ways are painted orange, because of the sunset. If we're together, we're probably watching the sunset by the river. I don't know where my tears are going; all I understand is these tears are for him. For, Daiki, I'm sure of it, this is not a mistake any more, not a clumsy misunderstanding and not a joke. I have to run faster! I have to meet him!

I'm sorry Daiki, you don't deserve this. I'm so sorry for my stupidity! I didn't tell you everything because I only speak in my mind. Sorry. I didn't mean this to happen. I was scared of hurting a stranger, afraid of making you look stupid and be embarrassed and sorry, I just made it worst…

I saw him standing by the river… watching the sunset by himself. "Daiki~!!" I shouted in a dry tone, I don't know if he heard it, but he didn't turn to face me. He's busy watching the sun behind the mountains, with that serious face of his.

"I'm sorry!" I cried tagging his arm, he wasn't startled at all. He didn't move an inch. He is still staring at the sun, waiting for it to set. Why can't you say something? Why are you giving me that plain reaction of yours?

"I thought so…" he said, and he looks at me with a sarcastic smile on his face.

"What?" I asked. He should be angry at me, right? Why is he smiling now?

"I like you and of course, I know things about you…" he said looking back at the sun, "Even before the day we met, I already knew you like him..." he explained. I was left speechless.

"You, glancing at him in the window, watching him does laps, admiring him from a far; it didn't shock me at all…" he said."If you want me to be shocked, then you did it already." he continued, the smile on his face vanished.

"The day you confessed that you like me, made me in state of shock…" he said, "Because I never thought of you, liking me back. I know that it'll never happen after today."

"Daiki…"

I couldn't move my hands. He was indeed watching me all along. I'm such a huge fool. I'm motionless and speechless. Without even realizing, half of the sun is already hidden behind the mountains, Daiki left. I was left sitting helplessly on the ground.

I'm sorry, I'm such an idiot. If only I could speak out of my mind, I could clearly tell you how much I like you! How much I love you. Watching the orange colors of the setting sun with you was wonderful. Those happy times, in such a short span of time was magnificent. I'm sorry, Daiki. I didn't tell you the truth earlier, because I know that if I did tell you, I'll feel sorry for you. But, right now, sad… because I feel sorry for my self.