A Love Too Late
"Have you ever had someone so precious to you that you never wanted to let them go? That if they left you would feel like you wouldn't be able to live, because you lived for them? You loved them so deeply that your life revolved around them and no one else?" She asked him, tears glistening in her eyes.
"No, I haven't" he replied, staring at her as she looked over the water with tears falling so freely; he had happened to see someone on the bridge as he walked so he decided to go and see if they were okay; she had squeaked and hurriedly wiped away her tears. She made no sounds until she turned to look at him and asked him those first questions, her voice sounded hoarse and weak, like she needed to drink a glass of water.
"I have, I do" she hoarse voice said sadly, tears beginning to fall again no matter how hard she tried to stop them, "I love him so much, I would say I practically live for him; no one else, not even for myself, just for him. 'He's a bad influence on you', my mother says constantly, 'he's just a hoodlum with no future'. But he isn't, he's sweet and caring... has a heart of gold; he had...has, he has his whole life ahead of him. He'll do anything for his family, does... did, anything for me... He was perfect. But I have to stay away from him because my parents told me to; if I don't... they said... I just cant be with him, and it hurts. They hate that I love someone that isn't up to their standards; they hated that I wasn't focusing on my studies like I used to. But no matter how much I try I can't stop thinking about him. The harder I try to stop, to get away from him, the more frequently he's show up, the more I see him at school, around my neighbourhood, with my friends; the more I think about him, dream about him. I stopped going to school last week, I stopped leaving the house, started keeping myself awake at nights because I'm afraid to sleep. It just hurts too much you know?"
He just stared at her, watching her as she sat down leaning against the wall off the bridge bringing her knees to her chest and hugging them,
"I don't want to hurt anymore" She whispered, "I don't want to cry when I think of him, I don't want my heart to feel like its sinking down to my feet when I hear his voice in my head, saying all the things he used to say"
He had no idea what to say to her, and she sighed leaning her head back and the moonlight shone down onto her face. She was so anguished, so broken, and he didn't know what to do or say to help her. But just looking at her made his heart constrict in his chest; he felt like he needed to protect her, like he needed to make her smile. He moved closer to her and sat next to her, stretching his legs out in front of him and resting his back against the wall. There was a good metre between them, but he was close enough to see her let out a ghost of a smile,
"You remind me of him, you look somewhat alike you know" she said, looking at him before going back to staring at the sky, "This is how I met him you know, but roles reversed. I had been walking home from work and he was out here blowing off steam, I still don't know why he was so angry but he was out here yelling and cursing" He looked at her and her eyes had seemed to of glazed over, she was off in her own little world thinking about him, "I was scared of him at first, but when he saw me he stopped and asked me what I was doing here, I told him I was walking home... and then asked if he was okay. He told me it was none of my business and I'd shove off if I knew what was good for me" she let out a hollow laugh, and it made him want to hear her natural laughter, "We weren't close for a while after that night, but over the months we started to become friends at school... I don't know how really, I guess it's because I hadn't run away from him that night and given him some advice before I left, but because of my friendship with him my grades started to slip because I spent more time with him then I did on my studies; my parents didn't like that. I don't even know how I fell in love with him; it just seemed to hit me one day when I saw him talking to his ex-girlfriend... when she kissed him I felt like going over there and punching her in the face. She hates me now you know, because I started dating him a few days later. She called me a home-wreaker; when from as far as I knew, they hadn't been together for a while. She never liked that I hung out with him all the time, all my friends hated him because I stopped wanting to hang out with them when he would call... they don't talk to me anymore" she let out a twisted grin that was full of pain, "I'm all alone now... I don't have him... and I don't have my friends either"
"Is it really so bad without him? Shouldn't your friends come first?" He asked her, and she looked at him sharply.
"You haven't had to feel the way I do, you don't understand what it's like to love someone so completely, I'm nothing without him... I would call him my soul mate, the one I'm destined to be with... I love him with all his flaws, all his imperfections... and I was sure he loved me for all of mine" She said, and her body started to shake with silent sobs, he felt like he should reach out and hold her but didn't think it would be appropriate, her voice choked as she spoke, "I was certain, that... we were good together that he... loved.... me and now I don't know what to think... I just know that I need him, and I can't just be his friend... I need to be with him completely and fully and I..." She stopped talking and looked at him.
"Are you okay?" He said, looking at her worriedly.
She looked down at her knees and then moved closer to him,
"Could you just.... hold me?" She said, looking back at him, her eyes pleading with him to say yes, "I just want to be held for a while"
He smiled at her softly,
"Sure" He said pulling her closer to him and wrapping his arms around her as she moulded into his side and rested her head on his shoulder. He felt her body convulse with sobs and tightened his hold.
"Life goes on you know" he said to her and she looked at him sadly,
"I don't want it to go on if I have to spend any more days without him" she sighed again
"Why?" he asked, "You say you love him so much, and yet you're not with him because of your parents, you say that you can't survive without him and yet you're still here, you're surviving, you may be hurting, you may be in immense pain but you're still here, are you not?"
She smiled that ghostly smile again,
"I'm not here, not really. The girl I was died when I met him and it was like I was reborn, I was a better person, I was me. And now I don't have him, so that girl is dying, I'm not myself, I'm not who I used to be... I'm no one, just a shell passing through the days like a shadow, I don't eat, I don't sleep... I crave nothing but him... to feel his touch, to hear his voice... he brings me alive he makes me everything I could ever dream of being. With him I feel like I could conquer the world and without him, the world conquers me"
His phone began to ring and she pulled away from him and stood up,
"I'm sorry, I've kept you away from your friends and family, you should go home... I didn't mean to burden you with my problems" She said and she started to run away from him before he could say anything, he answered his phone,
"Hey Bro" He said into the phone,
"Was she there?" a voice asked,
"Yes, she looked pretty torn up too... mate she doesn't want to live anymore..." He said
There was a sigh on the other end of the line, and then it went dead.
She ran down the road blinded by her tears as she thought of the guy she met on the bridge and how much he reminded her of the guy she loved. They looked so similar, they even smelled the same, it had become too much for her to bare as she began to envision her love sitting next to her, holding her and telling her he loved her.
She didn't see the car coming down the road, or the other person running her way. The only thing she noticed was a blinding light and someone screaming her name before she was thrown into darkness.
He watched as the car swerved and threw on the breaks, but it wasn't able to move fast enough and collided with her as he screamed her name. He ran over to her body on the ground and watched as the blood poured from many different places, and saw a large gash on her forehead. Her eyes were closed and he cried as he saw past the blood and the abrasions and saw the beautiful girl he had met on the bridge one night, he saw an angel and wished that she would be okay. He checked her vitals and felt no pulse and noticed she wasn't breathing. Tears streamed down his face as he kissed her blood stained hair,
"I love you" He whispered.
But it was too late, she was already gone.